Pennsylvania H Pal

Hi, my name is Bonnie. I am 39 years old and I have HSV2 genitally.  I was diagnosed on December 4, 2007.  My story is pretty basic.  I was reckless with my actions and with my body and I exposed myself to herpes.

Okay so we all know it's a little more than that. At first I was shocked, scared, mortified, embarrassed, sad, depressed you name it, if it was a bad emotion I was feeling it.  To make matters even worse for me, my best friend was in Florida on a family vacation and I never felt so alone.  I don't think I stopped crying for a week.  I spent hours upon hours online doing research.  I just wanted to know all I could as quickly as I could.  I needed to know how this was going to change my life.  I needed to know how this was going to destroy my life.  I couldn't believe I was in this situation to begin with.  I am an adult.  I am educated.  I should know better, right?

As the physical symptoms started to go away I was able to wrap my mind around what the reality was and that was when everything started to look much different.  I have a STI.  I have herpes.  That's it, I only have herpes.  I don't have HIV, cancer or a inoperable brain tumor.  I have a non life threatening virus.  A virus that is totally manageable.

I got a grip and made a decision that I would not be defined by my herpes status.  It doesn't change who I am.  Of course I didn't realize this all on my own and I really must give credit where credit is due.  I found so much priceless support from my friends, my mom and all the wonderful people on the Shut up and post it message board.  To all of you I am deeply and eternally grateful.

I knew I was exposed to the virus by one of three men and I was determined to find out which one gave it to me.  I called them and bugged them to get tested.  I wanted to know their results.  They were not as cooperative as I had hoped and to this day I still don't know who gave it to me.  But what I have been able to realize is that it doesn't really matter.  They know my status and what they chose to do with that information is on them.  I've done my part in notifying them.

This truly has been a blessing in disguise for me.  I lost my way and was going down a path that I know God didn't want me going down.  After my diagnosis I was able to regroup and begin my walk with the Lord again.  I am truly blessed!  For me there was another blessing that was disguised.  I have spent the majority of my life trying to find love through sex.  I used sex to feel wanted and loved.  Obviously, my diagnosis changes that casual way I approached sex.  Not to mention, changes who I will be choosing to have sex with.  I now have to take the time to get to know someone and allow them the time to get to know the real me.  Now, I will know that the man who chooses to be with me is chosing to actually be with ME.  He will want me and will really love me. That's pretty awesome!

If it changes your life, let it!!  They could be really wonderful changes!! - Write to Me!

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