My interview with Ryerson University

What caused you to create your herpes website?

I truly believe that happiness is helping others. Everything happens for a reason and we can either choose to learn from our experiences and do something positive with the outcome or we can wallow in complete and utter self pity. When I was first diagnosed with genital herpes twelve years ago there was not enough accurate information about herpes or how common this virus really is.

Are dating websites, social forums and information websites that cater to specific communities, especially the STI/STD community, a new phenomenon?  Why do you think they are so popular?

Niche dating sites are not a new phenomenon. Niche dating sites have been around for years. People have this natural desire to want to meet and date like-minded individuals. I hope people with herpes do not ever feel as though they must limit their potential when it comes to dating. Having herpes should not ever define who you are as a person. I would hope that people would expect only the best when it comes to dating and developing relationships with other people. This is a big reason why I list niche dating and mainstream dating all together on my herpes dating page.

I met and married someone that does not have genital herpes. My husband loves me for who I am and could care less that I have herpes. You can read what my husband has to say about what it was like for him when I first told him that I have genital herpes on my herpes telling page. We love each other for the people that we are and do not place emphasis on status in society, money, or things.

I do not believe there is anything wrong with utilizing niche dating sites as long as people are not doing so to avoid having the necessary discussion about STD’s before sex. People still need to talk about STD’s and possibly make a date to go and get some proper herpes testing done. Contrary to what some health departments or clinics will tell people there is a way to know your status even if there is no sign or symptom that can be cultured in the lab. Couples need to be fully aware of their STD status so they can proceed with their relationship without having to worry about what they might be subjecting themselves to.

Why do people use these sorts of sites to meet people?  What causes them to seek people out with similar backgrounds?

I believe people search out niche dating sites because they feel it’s a great way to avoid having “the talk” about STD’s. Many assume that when they tell a potential partner that they have herpes the person is going to automatically run away. Now I know that this happens to some but that doesn’t necessarily happen to everybody that has herpes. I think if you take your time and get to know somebody and put sex on the backburner while you are becoming familiar with one another it will make things easier in the long run when the time comes to have that discussion.

Do you think a certain demographic of people use these sites more than others?  Are there equal representations of women-men; races, ethnicities and cultures; and age groups?

Herpes does not discriminate. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, what your race is, or where you live. 90% of those that have genital herpes do not know that they have it. I think the reason that they don’t know is because herpes testing is not included in the routine STD testing process and often times people mistake their symptoms for something else like jock itch or yeast infection.

Is it easier for someone with an STD/STI to date someone with the same STD/STI?  Why?

Some people say that it is easier to date someone that has the same stuff or the same interests. It eliminates the embarrassment of having to have that discussion about STD’s or an STD status. On the other hand I think that honesty and trust is very important but so is a positive self esteem and positive outlook on life. Depending on the individual, I would say that niche dating sites can be a good thing but they can also be a hindrance if the person is only using them to sort of sweep things under the rug.

Are Herpes/HPV-specific sites easier or better to use than, say Yahoo personals where you have to use numbered codes in order to find someone?  If so, why?

I think people should utilize the sites that they are interested in. What’s important is getting to know the person and seeing where the relationship will develop. No matter what type of sites people use I believe there still needs to be a discussion about STD’s and some accurate STD testing done because not all STD’s are included in the routine STD testing process. It’s a good thing to know your status as well as the status of your potential partner.

Is there still a social stigma related to herpes that makes it difficult for people with herpes to form relationships?

Fear plays a big role because people are afraid of being rejected. It’s never any fun when you are open and honest with your partner about your status. Some people can handle the information and others can’t. I always chalked having herpes up to being able to avoid those relationships that were lacking substance. I figured if the person can’t handle my status then can you imagine what would happen if I couldn’t balance my check book? That would definitely be a recipe for disaster.

Ultimately I think people want to find somebody that is going to love them for who they are and won’t care about the fact that they have herpes. Hopefully people will begin to realize that quality relationships need not be limited to dating only those that have the virus.

What are the benefits of STI/STD dating websites for the people who use them?

I think the benefit of being able to browse online dating sites takes the work out of the face-to-face search for that special someone. As I stated earlier, if people are using niche dating sites because they want to avoid certain types of communication that is necessary in order to have a healthy love relationship then I can see where that might do more  harm than good. However, there are lots of positive people out there with a positive self esteem that use both niche dating sites and main stream dating sites and I think that is a good thing especially if they are having fun and being smart about it.

What sort of people do you find use your website?  Who does it appeal to the most and why?

I have an excellent readership that finds me through my sites, blogs, and message boards. These are smart, intelligent, witty people looking for accurate information or just wanting to share their story or lend a helping hand. As I said when I began to answer these questions, I truly believe that Happiness is helping others and if I can make a difference for just one person through my sites or blogs then it will have been worth it. Apparently, there are many like-minded people that feel the same way I do and that is a good thing.

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