Recently diagnosed and dating

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Recently diagnosed and dating

Postby hmm_89 » Thu Apr 11, 2013 4:42 pm

My last boyfriend and I broke up two months ago when I found out he'd cheated on
me with a girl who has genital herpes (HSV-2). I waited the six weeks and got myself
tested; my results came back two weeks ago and I am also HSV-2 positive. I
immediately went on daily suppressive therapy, and I've also begun making
healthier lifestyle choices to help control it. I haven't had an outbreak
yet. After the initial shock of diagnosis, I'm starting to have a more positive
outlook and realize that it's not something that's going to ruin my life.
However, I've recently met a really great guy and now I'm not sure when or how
to tell him. We've been on six dates now, and I could definitely see this
turning into a serious relationship. I don't want to scare him off by telling
him too soon, but I don't want to feel like I'm hiding this from him, either.
And I have no clue how to have that conversation without freaking both of us
out. Please help me!
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Re: Recently diagnosed and dating

Postby LustforLife » Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:19 am

welcome, hmm.

we have a forum here for telling stories, which you can check out: viewforum.php?f=33

the time to have the talk is before you hit the sack, and before things get hot and heavy.
arm yourself with knowledge about hsv.
be calm and collected, not hysterically crying. remember, this isn't the worst thing in the world, and that's how you want to present it. "oh, woe is me, i can't bear it" is not the way to go.
be prepared to provide a link to the westover heights herpes handbook (the ASHA and CDC herpes pages are short, and could be printed out in advance), so he can read about hsv later, because some folks can't take in all the info at once.
don't forget to ask about his std status.

The risk of transmission F - ->M over the course of ONE year of regular sex is:
4% if you avoid sex during obs (and week before and after)
2% if you also use a condom or Suppressive Therapy
1% if you also use both a condom and ST

the risk of transmission M - -> F over the course of ONE year of regular sex is:
10% if you avoid sex during obs (and week before and after)
5% if you also use a condom or ST
2.5% if you also use both a condom and ST

**these statistics are for hsv2. cut them in half for the rates for hsv1.
“Always look on the bright side of life.”

Robin Williams on Fukitol

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Re: Recently diagnosed and dating

Postby Elizabeth » Wed Apr 17, 2013 3:32 pm

hmm89, how are you doing? lust for life gave you excellent informtion, which i hope you've been able to use.
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. ~Ellen DeGeneres
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Re: Recently diagnosed and dating

Postby hmm_89 » Fri Apr 26, 2013 8:39 pm

Thanks you guys! I'm doing pretty great actually. The new man and I were just sitting around talking a few days ago, and he brought up the whole "where do you see this relationship going" conversation, so I decided to just to go for it and tell him. And it actually went really well! I just told him there was something he needed to know about me before we take the next step, and that it was important but didn't necessarily have to be a big deal. Then I told him about my ex and how after he cheated on me, I got tested and found out I carry the virus. I explained to him what it was and how it affects me, the risk factors, and the precautions I take, like condoms and daily Acyclovir, to reduce my chances of passing it on. He was surprised, but he said he's perfectly fine with it, and he appreciated that I was honest with him. So yeah, I think I've found a good one :) I feel very lucky.
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Re: Recently diagnosed and dating

Postby Elizabeth » Sun Apr 28, 2013 9:55 pm

hmm_89, this is such awesome news. I'm 3 for 3. Told 3 guys and all 3 were very accepting. Funny thing is, I broke it off with 2 of them for compatibility reasons. Herpes never, ever factored into any decision making.
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. ~Ellen DeGeneres
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Re: Recently diagnosed and dating

Postby LustforLife » Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:57 pm

great news, hmm!!
“Always look on the bright side of life.”

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