Sexual Health Buzz

I really like your site. Thanks for taking the time and effort to share your story and support others who are going through similar things.

I got diagnosed with herpes in June 2009. I’m Christian and I wanted something special with my husband and so had decided to wait till I got married before having sex.

Earlier this year I got engaged to my much older boyfriend (21yrs older than me!) and although he knew I wanted to wait, I ended up compromising because I loved him and we were planning to be married within a few months…or so I thought.

He never actually gave me a ring and I have seriously doubted his integrity and honor since then. We had discussed STD testing on numerous occasions – he said there was no way he could have anything. I told him he may be a symptomless carrier or that one of his partners may have had something. He said he wouldn’t sleep with anyone who had something like that…. I didn’t insist on him getting tested. I was doubly stupid…first for believing him and trusting him, second for not using a condom (he had had a vasectomy already, and I didn’t see the need to use a condom with my “husband” although we weren’t actually married yet).

We had sex. Once. And after a really bad episode of “thrush” I got the blister which then ulcerated. I found it hard to sit down and painful to walk as it rubbed with every step. Urinating was excruciating until my doctor suggested pouring water over my genitals while I urinated to dilute the acidity and reduce the sting.

It was a horrific ordeal for anyone to go through, but especially having waited so long for a “special” relationship (I was almost 31 when I lost my virginity!) The worst bit was that my fiance then confessed he had been in a 9mth relationship with a woman who had herpes – but she had assured him she knew when she was likely to be infective and wouldn’t sleep with him around that time. This was a bigger shock than getting an STD the first time I had sex.

My whole world crumbled around me. How could I trust this man who had placed so little value on me and chosen NOT to protect me when he could have done so – I had even said that I wouldn’t stop loving him just because he had something when we had discussed testing. It was a real betrayal. I refused to sign the prenuptial and the relationship ended.

I am still struggling to deal with everything. Although my friends and family have been amazingly supportive I still grieve for everything I threw away on a selfish liar. I find it really hard to forgive him for what he has done – the dishonesty and lack of love more than the std…if he had been open and honest we could have worked through everything else. I know I am better off not being stuck in a marriage to a man like that, but I just feel so desolate.

Purity was so important to me and now I will never have that specialness with anyone. Tainted forever. And to top it all off, it was bad sex – he did break me slowly but it wasn’t the loving passionate caring intimacy I had expected from my husband-to-be. So I feel doubly cheated out of the real deal! Trying not to wallow in self-pity but it is hard to see life beyond herpes at the moment.

Just when I think I am getting to grips with it all and starting to feel positive, I get overwhelmed by the loss and hopelessness of my situation. But although I feel like a leper, I have found nothing but love and support from everyone I’ve told (ironically, except from my fiance!!!)

Christians With Herpes

I apologize for the seemingly random contact, but I got your information from your organization and thought that you may be interested in and able to help me with a project that I am working on. I’m an Associate Producer with MTV Networks and am currently working on a documentary following young people who are suffering from herpes.

You may or may not be familiar with MTV’s True Life — it’s a long-running, award winning documentary series that seeks to have young people share their stories, in their own words. The format is strictly first person, which is to say that we don’t filter the voices of our subjects through narrators or any similar third parties. All we do is follow them; it’s our hope that by allowing these people to use their own voices to tell their stories, and communicating directly with their peers, we can impact the way people interact and engage with the world they live in.

One of the themes we’re currently exploring for this particular episode is what it is like to be a young person living with herpes. We are interested in finding people who are currently seeking treatments and are learning more about their condition each day. We realize that a number of young people are suffering from herpes and we would like to offer them the opportunity to tell their story in a documentary setting.

If this sounds like something that you might consider, I’d love to give you more information about this project — and if you know of anyone else it might be beneficial to contact, please do let us know. Our episodes can be viewed online at mtv.com. I can be reached via email at kristen.chalos(AT)mtvnmix(DOT)com or by phone at (212) 846-8850.

I really like your site. Thanks for taking the time and effort to share your story and support others who are going through similar things. ~ C

When people write into me with words of encouragement and praise it makes me believe even more that I did the right thing creating the site back in 2003.

My first and primary objective has always been to help people realize that these things do not have to define you. You do not have to limit yourself to dating only people that have the virus and you do not have to limit yourself to mixing it up with people who want to do nothing but hide behind the virus.

I’m not against herpes dating sites OR herpes social groups and/or events … BUT when those people want to encourage you to hide in shame instead of seizing the opportunity to discuss how this is such a small thing in life … then I have to question whether or not that site OR group is the right one for you.

You see … if you are using these “herpes” only situations as a crutch because you are afraid or you don’t know what to do with your diagnosis then that tells me even more that the last thing you want to do is to throw yourself into a herpes only situation. It’s just not going to be good for you … ya know?

Why do you think I list ALL types of dating web sites on my Herpes Dating page? It’s because I don’t want you to think that you have to limit yourself to dating only people that have herpes.

In the end you still have to have the talk. You still have to make a date to go and get tested. You still have to be willing to put those days of free love behind you. The fact of the matter is … it’s just not safe any more. It’s important to be responsible with your body and safe with your body.

I understand in the beginning of your diagnosis that you might be frightened and unsure of how to handle everything. That’s normal. But … if you have had this virus for years and you are still living and hiding in fear afraid of who is going to find out then I feel very sad for you. That is not how God intended your life to be. I refuse to believe that. You might think about getting some counseling OR asking yourself what it is that you are really afraid of because I don’t think it has anything to do with herpes.

Just a few thoughts I wanted to share with you. Something for you to think about and consider because I think it’s a sad day when you feel as if you have to limit your life. Life is too short for it to be limited … ya know?

My name is Bek, I’m 16 and I have Genital Herpes. I lost my virginity at the age of 15, becoming sexually active is meant to a big journey in one’s life, some girls don’t become sexual active until after marriage, which I reckon is pretty awesome. I always wanted to wait until I was either married or in a serious relationship except I was unsure because I had never had a boyfriend before. I was ugly as a young girl; I was always the girl that the boys made fun of. Well because of that from year seven onwards I became aware of the appearance, I started to dye my hair, wearing tons of make up, eating healthy and exercising.

I’m currently in year ten; I have heaps of lovely and caring friends but only my closest friends are aware of that I have genital herpes. Losing my virginity was a life changing experience and a half. To fully understand the importance of the love that your friends have for you, you need to experience something that is unexpected and unwanted.

I was raised in a single mum household, my mum is tight when it comes to guys, and she has never said that I can not have a boyfriend but she gets weird when I mention anything about my friends that are guys. So guys and sex talk in my household does not happen. His name was Brad; his family’s holiday place is next to my family’s holiday place. It was the Christmas holidays 2008-2009, Brad was 20 and ok I recognize he was not the best looking guy in the world, but he was the first guy to look at me as a girl and not one of the boys. We became friends with benefits, then a few days after he asked me out. Brad was the first guy to ever say those words “will you go out with me”; he made me feel special and a guy who actually liked me.

Before Brad’s and my relationship became sexual, I was a virgin, never been fingered, given or received oral sex actually never had seen a real penis. It was a learning experience. I’m one of them exercise freaks, I wont have a good day unless I get at less one hour worth of exercise a day. Well ten months ago this was still the case; I would get up at 5 am and go for a jog along the beach which I have done for years, while me and Brad were together he would come with me. My jogs are the only times that I am alone from my sisters and mum. We would jog to make out couch which was an old couch which was dumped on a headland; it was so beautiful the outlook over the ocean.

Being a virgin meant new experience, the first time I performed oral sex on brad I throw up all over him, he told me it was normal not to enjoy performing oral sex for the first time. It is just it tasted and smelt so terrible. Brad was a lot older than me (five years) and he had been sexually active for years before me.

On the 26th January 2009 (Australian Day) at 5.30am Brad and I had sex after 5 days of going out with him. I didn’t really enjoy it, it kind of hurt, and it was not what I expected, and I thought it would be like what it is like on TV like screaming orgasms. While we were having sex he kept asking me “Bek are you sure you wanna do this?” “Do you want me to stop?” I thought he was being caring and loving but the reality was he was just trying to make sure that I was conceding to having sex with him. A few days previous he had told me about his last girlfriend she was the same age as me, the reason for them breaking up was because she got pregnant and her parents found out she was sleeping with a 20 year old, she was scared to face up to what she had done so she cried rape.

It was understandable why brad made me say any times had with him I was conceding to the sexual activities. But I wonder did he rape, this guy I barely know, and what I did know he displayed this kind of faulty play dishonest nature and a pushy feeling, looking back on this event I believe brad has it in him to forces a girl to perform sexual activities, well he did pressured and pressured into the sexual activities until I had gave in.

Anyways after we had sex, we got dressed, and as he pulled out his little note book as he said “thanks for the root”, I gave him a funny look along with a fake smile and said “what you doing”, as he reply my gut felt to ground as he said “just marking off another tally” that little note book was his tallies of how many girls he had rooted, he gives a rating out of 10 and a smiley face if he would re-root them or a sad face if he would not. I ask him if all I was another mark on his tally, he said “of course not I love you Bek”. Yeah for same reason I didn’t believe him.

Two weeks later I realize that something was wrong, my vagina was really itchy, and then the painful blisters came. I could not do any thing I was in so much pain. I had heard that some girls have an allergic reaction from the natural rubber latex and at first I thought that was what was wrong, I told me best friend that something was wrong, we started to look through a book called “Girl stuff – your full on guide to the teen years” by Kaz Cooke. In the STIs section as we read over every single type of sexually transmitted infections as soon as I started to read the info about Genital Herpes I knew it had it.

The day after I rang Brad, he claimed that I already had the virus and that I have passed it on to him. I know for a fact I didn’t have it before because I had never been sexually active before him. Then he did admit that yes he DID have herpes umm shows his inelegance level because herpes can not be cure nor is there a vaccine to prevent the virus. I went to the doctors and he conform that brad had infected me with herpes.

It has been ten months since I had caught the virus. I still have not have had another boyfriend but that is by choice I feel I have not found the right guy yet. But I have had sex with other guys but I always make sure it is safe and that they have been tested for any STIs. (see note below) The last ten months have been hell, the 26th of each month is torture I break down and seriously feel like I will be nothing but the girl with herpes. People have asked me if I could take it back would I? Truthfully I would not want to take back this big mistake that is because I have grown up so much; I believe that I will able to encourage other girls to love themselves and never do something that they do not want to do.

I use sex to make me feel better about myself, I still don’t enjoy sex, it feels good but I have not found that special guy who will make sex amazing. I believe sex is a personal choice; some girls may want to experience losing their virginity earlier than others. I have a low sense of self I use sex to make my self-esteem elevated. Every guy had I have had sex with I have regretted.

I do not tell people that I have the virus ‘Genital Herpes’. (see note below) At first when I first got infected with this STI, I thought it was no big deal I will go the doctors get the tablets and everything would be fixed. Well herpes is not easily fixed; herpes is a virus that if you catch you carry it with you for the rest of your life. I am one of those girls who can’t wait to be a mum. And having genital herpes I can not give birth naturally, so when I am older and i am pregnant I have to tell my doctor that I have herpes to avoid passing the virus on to my baby.

The mistakes that I have made I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life. I hope I will found that special guy who will love me even though I have a sexually transmitted virus. Herpes is very, very common, one in eight people have the virus and one in seven girls have it. So any body that does have any STIs should not be ashamed. I was ashamed, I thought because I have a STI I am a slut, but the truth is that anybody can catch a STI, I was unlucky and caught Herpes my first time. Do not make the same mistake, make sure you are safe and do not get pressured into having sex.

Hi. This story was sent in by a gal from Australia that wanted me to share her story with you. If you  have a story that you would like me to share you are welcome to contact me.

I just wanted to let those reading know that if you have genital herpes you can still have a healthy baby without having a C-section. Having herpes doesn’t automatically mean you will have to have a C-section. You can have a vaginal delivery and the baby can be safe. You just have to know your status and talk to your doctor about it by the time you find out that you are pregnant. Thanks!

I just wanted to add to this post that it is NOT ok to have sex w/somebody w/out telling them that you have the virus. You do have a moral obligation to sit down with them and have a talk about what it is that you have BEFORE you  have sex. Condoms are NOT 100% effective at preventing STDS. They have a right to listen to what you have to say. Be prepared to answer questions if they have any and remember it’s not just about YOUR situation. You should insist that they be tested too. In the end it’s either going to work itself out relationally or not. Remember, having herpes does not define who you are and it’s not the end of your sex life. Always be honest with your partners!

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Hello. My son who is 7 years old complained about having a sore finger. The next day he had small white blisters under the skin and as the day went on they started to turn red. I had the school nurse take a look at it and she said it was a blood blister… well being a mother you know what a blood blister looks like so I had his doctor look at it who also said it was a blood blister. Still not satisfied, I took him to the ER and was told it was staph infection. ????? I still couldn’t rest until I knew exactly what was wrong with my son so finally a dermatologist took one glance at it and told me that it was definitely Herpetic Whitlow. He took a sample to confirm his diagnosis. At least now we know that it was more serious than a blood blister and we were able to take care of it with the right medication.

More Herpes Whitlow Stories

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If you have tried Dynamiclear I would love your feedback.

Can you give your partner herpes by french kissing?

Yes and No.

Yes, it is possible to give your partner herpes by french kissing if you have oral herpes.

No, it is not possible to give your partner herpes by french kissing if you do not have oral herpes.

If you have a history of cold sores or fever blisters then it’s probably very likely that you have oral herpes. If you’re not sure then you should see your doctor for proper herpes testing.

A girl’s attempt to gain U.S. citizenship may be derailed by refusal to have the human papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine. Simone Davis, a 17-year-old girl born in Britain, seeks to become a U.S. citizen but is confronted by immigration laws mandating that she receive the HPV vaccine that protects against the sexually transmitted human papillomavirus commonly attributed to cervical cancer.

This vaccine requirement stems from the 1996 Immigration and Nationality Act, which mandates that prior to being granted permanent resident status, immigrants must receive all vaccines recommended by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP). In 2008, however, the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) updated the list of vaccines required of immigrants to include HPV, a move criticized by a number of advocacy groups who say the mandate places undue burden on those seeking to enter the U.S., and in particular, to women and girls.

Some organizations and advocate groups that focus on immigrant rights and women’s health have questioned the necessity of forcing individuals to receive the vaccine considering that HPV isn’t communicable in public settings. Of the 14 required vaccines, 13 of which aim to prevent infectious diseases considered highly contagious, Gardasil alone targets a sexually transmissible virus. Another worry is that cost may pose unfair financial burden placed on women, possibly acting as a significant financial barrier to seeking citizenship (the vaccine costs $360, plus clinic fees).

Simone protests the HPV vaccine for several reasons; her story reported by abcnews.com. As a devout Christian, Simone has taken a virginity pledge and doesn’t understand she why she should be required to take the vaccine when she doesn’t believe herself to be at risk. Her guardian and paternal grandmother, whom Simone calls “Nanny,” was also upset by this mandate and filed a waiver to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services on moral and religious grounds but was rejected. Now facing the possibility of being separated from her Nanny, with only 30 days to appeal the decision before she must reapply as an adult (which requires a five year wait to become eligible for citizenship), Simone questions why none of her American classmates were required to take the HPV vaccine. Simone’s Nanny claims the issue is not simply about religion, and instead highlights their desire to have the same rights of any U.S. citizen.

Deborah Arrindell, ASHA’s vice-president of health policy, says “This vaccine has enormous potential to protect women’s health, no one’s debating that. What’s troubling is the requirement extends only to immigrants, and doesn’t apply to U.S. citizens. One has to question just how much public health is advanced by requiring the vaccine for a such a narrow segment of the population.” Jon Abramson, chairman of the CDC’s Advisory Committee for Immunization Practices when the body recommended the vaccine for U.S. citizens last year, further purports that this policy is “not a good idea.”

There are some indications, however, that the HPV vaccine requirement may be reconsidered. Within the month CDC is expected to release new criteria to determine which vaccines should be mandated for U.S. immigrants. Whether this new criteria will affect Simone Davis’ situation, or the lives of other female immigrants, has yet to seen.

HPV and Cervical Cancer Prevention, HPV Vaccines

More HPV Information

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Experimental HIV Vaccine Prevents Infection in Nearly 1/3 of Subjects

Researchers optimistic, but questions remain

On Thursday, September 24, 2009, The Surgeon General of the U.S. Army released results from the Thai Phase III HIV vaccine study that demonstrated modest results in preventing HIV infection among participants in the clinical trial. The study found the vaccine regimen to be safe and 31 percent effective in preventing HIV infection.

The potential breakthrough comes after several failed vaccine trials; many scientists believed an HIV vaccine might not be possible. For the first time, however, the Thai Phase III study used the combination of two vaccines, Sanofi Pasteur’s ALVAC vaccine and the AIDSVAX B/E vaccine, developed by Vaxgen Inc. and licensed to the nonprofit Global Solutions for Infectious Diseases (GSID) in 2008. The research was sponsored jointly by the U.S. Army and the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), along with Sanofi Pasteur and GSID.

The study, conducted in two Thai provinces, began in October 2003 and involved approximately 16,402 HIV-negative subjects ages 18-30 at various levels of risk for HIV infection. Trial participants were evenly divided into groups and received either the vaccine or placebo upon enrollment in the study and again after 1 month, 3 months, and 6 months. Participants were counseled on HIV risk reduction strategies and tested for the virus twice a year for three years. Among the 8,197 subjects who received the combination of vaccines, 51 contracted HIV during the study. This compares to 74 of the 8,198 participants in the placebo group who became infected with the virus. Those who became HIV-positive during the study have been offered treatment at no cost.

In a press release, Anthony S Fauci, M.D. and Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, acknowledges these new findings as “an important step forward in HIV vaccine research,” but cautions that “additional research is needed to better understand how this vaccine regimen reduced the risk of HIV infection.”

The United Nations Joint Programme on HIV/AIDS estimates that 7,000 people worldwide are newly infected with HIV everyday; 2 million people died of AIDS in 2007. There is much to consider regarding future HIV vaccine research. Yet, after more than two decades, the search for a safe, effective vaccine that protects against HIV infection has made an encouraging advance.

HIV AND AIDS Questions & Answers

More HIV Information

You can also talk about HIV here