Sexual Health Buzz

Here’s the latest note from my feedback form:

Hi there, I’m from the UK and I have literally never written or even thought about writing to a support site for anything – however you seem very understanding and probably the only person I can talk to about this.

I caught herpes from my ex-girlfriend whom I have only recently split up with. We had had unprotected sex a few times in the same night, and the next day she was acting strange and finally told me that she had herpes. I don’t know why but it didn’t bother me at all because I was so infatuated with her.

A few days later I noticed the symptoms (this was straight after my girlfriend had told me she was getting some symptoms too). When I told her, she was devastated and we got checked out. It turned out that i had herpes, genitally and orally (which really wasn’t fun). I had all the symptoms of flu and fever and basically had a rotten few weeks.

However, since we both had herpes we thought that there was no point in using condoms anymore and we enjoyed a perfectly normal sex life without any reoccurring symptoms.

I broke up with her just over a month ago (having been with her for almost two years) and have started seeing someone else. I am completely crazy about this girl and we have such a great connection. She has even split up with her boyfriend of 5 years (i know this doesnt make me sound like a good guy – but they were having problems and he was seriously bad news). The thing is we were doing our usual heavy hugging thing in the bedroom when all of a sudden she thought it was the right time to have sex and literally pulled me out and put it in her (sorry for being graphic).

I havent even thought about my herpes for well over a year because it never came back and i was having perfectly normal sex. It didn’t even occur to me whilst I was having sex with this new girl.

Basically, the girl I am seeing now I want to be with for a long time, and I know she likes me just as much but she is still going through the confusion of her own break up. I had no symptoms when we had sex and it was only when someone mentioned it on TV that i remembered i had herpes and have been stressing out ever since! Im terrified to tell this girl that I have herpes as I think it will be another reason to not get involved with me – but im also scared that i may have already infected her. She is going to think that i lied to her.

I have never hated this infection until this week – i feel ashamed and damaged and in my weakest moments I have been thinking about not telling her at all and hoping for the best – or pleading ignorance if she does get it.

I know exactly what you are going to say to me but the truth is I just needed to confide in someone as this is all making me very depressed.

What I do need to know is: does everyone who gets herpes type 2 go through the horrible first infection illness?

Thanks for your time – im sorry this was so long.

Here’s what I think about the situation:

It’s important that you are open and honest with all of your sex partners about your herpes status. They have a right to decide if they think you are worth the risk.

How on earth do you forget to tell somebody that you have herpes?

No, not everybody that contracts herpes will get a  horrible first outbreak. In fact, there are many people that have herpes and don’t know that they have it because they don’t get any signs OR symptoms.

You need to be careful with your sex life. It’s not only about telling your partner’s that you have herpes. Don’t  you wonder if maybe they have something to share with you too?

Try and talk about these things before sex happens and make a date to go and get tested, ok?

You can have a fulfilling sex life even with herpes. You just have to be smart about it.

Good Luck!

People send me there stories all the time to post on the site. I think it’s great that folks are reaching out because it really can make a difference in someone’s life. Take for example this feedback I just received about a story that was posted:

Hi Liz,

I just wanted to say that your story made me feel a lot better. I just found out this week that I have herpes. I had an ex bf that found out he had it. I left him in January 08 due to finding out he was messing around  with other men. Some days I don’t know what to do and then some days are better than others it seems. The outbreaks suck, and my one biggest fear is that no one will ever want to date or be with me again. All I can do is try from day to day. You have a great day and thanks for posting.

It’s also nice to get feedback from people that are encouraging what is often times not an easy thing to do. It’s nice easy for somebody to step outside of their comfort zone, put their personal story out there and expect any sort of reaction. But this particular story was read by somebody that was touched by it. That’s basically why I like to refer to these stories as sharing your courage with others. That’s what you are really doing if you stop and think about it. You are sharing your courage with others.

So keep up the good work ladies and gentlemen. I’m also interested in posting more stories. It doesn’t always have to be in reference to herpes, HPV or even STD’s.

What are you waiting for? Why not share your courage with others today?

Here’s the question:

Thanks so much for your great website – it has made my learning I have HSV-2 a lot more bearable!!  I got my first symptoms (and assume my first exposure) back in July, and just recently had the antibody test confirm it’s HSV-2.  I unfortunately passed it on to my now-boyfriend before I was aware of any symptoms, so we’re dealing with it together.  There’s a question I haven’t been able to find an answer for anywhere on the internet and was wondering if you had come across any opinions in your research.  If he and I are both HSV-2 positive, and one of us has an outbreak but the other doesn’t, is it likely to cause an oubreak in the “clean” person if we have sex?

Here’s my answer:

If you both have HSV-2 you are not going to pass it back and forth. You can’t contract what you already have over and over again.

I hope that makes sense.

Now I will say that sometimes the friction from sex can trigger outbreaks. I know that was the case for me when I first contracted it. It didn’t seem as if I could have sex without somehow getting an outbreak because of the friction.

What seemed to help me with that problem was going on suppressive therapy with Valtrex.

13 years later I don’t have that problem any more.

So if either of you is having problems with frequent outbreaks see your doctor to make sure nothing else is going on and maybe talk about going on suppressive therapy.

What do you think?

I had been abstinent for over 2 years and tested for everything in that time. I started dating an older, mature, really organized guy. I used to jokingly call us Turner and Hootch because he was so with it and I was so not. His pants were ironed, he always had change for the tolls, knew where his keys were, was never late etc. He led me to believe that he had been abstinent for a long time also, bad break up, etc. and that he was sterile due to prostate cancer treatments.

We never actually had The Talk about testing. The first time we had sex we never used condoms. It never came up. I thought about it a few times, but did not want to hurt his feelings, esp since it would be him that would be the one that was the risk because I had been abstinent for so long.

One day he in a matter of fact way says to me that he is having a herpes outbreak, he had not had one in 8 years, by the way had I ever had herpes. Almost 1in4 people have herpes so I must. What??? Well, about 10 days later I developed herpes. He said he was sorry, but he is just not sorry enough. He acts like it is no big deal, like he gave me a cold or the flu or something, and I should just get over it. Meanwhile, I can barely sit down I am so uncomfortable and I cant stop crying I feel so ugly and ashamed. I have read that these feelings will pass, I know that I need to own my part of what happened but no matter how With It the guy seems, get tested, get tested for everything, use condoms and be firm about it or walk away. – Anon

- Share your courage today

Ok, here’s the poop scoop:

Hi, I have just recently found out that i got genital HSV-1 from my Bf’s cold sore. The outbreak has been horrible and painful and ive had it for about 10 days now I thought it was finally clearing up but a few more spots have appeared, does the first outbreak usually last this long and is it usually this painful?

My dr. finally got me some antiviral about 2 days ago. but i doubt that it will help much this time. Do you have any advice on how to sooth the pain and make it go away faster? at times its so painful i can hardly walk, and i don’t want to do anything. I’m a college student now and have a lot going on its hard to think or even do my assignments with all of this going on and i just want it to go away. So any advice or anything would be so much help.

Here’s what I think:

Be patient and wait for the antivirals to kick in. Make sure to wear loose clothing and when you can, let things air out down there.

It’s much better to keep the area clean and dry.

If you are desperate take some frozen peas and use that to ease the pain.

Advil works too. =]

Here’s the question:

I cant seem to find out some info. I need to get STD tested and cant find prices and places to go. I live in West Des Moines and think i have HPV, but would like some prices on tests. Any links with the info i need? Thanks for all your help.

Here’s what I think:

You might try calling the Centers for Disease Control to see if they  have any recommendations. Maybe you can pick up your local telephone book and check to see if you have any free county health services. A lot of the times if you can find a free HIV clinic, you might be able to get accurate STD testing. You can also try making an appointment to see an infectious disease specialist OR even your family doctor.

Please let us know how it works out for you. If there is anybody that lives in Des Moines, Iowa that would like to make a recommendation as to where a person can get tested for STI’s, please leave a comment.

You can also try  your local Planned Parenthood.

Here’s the question:

I’ve got a question. Does genital herpes show up every time if you get bloodwork done?

Here’s what I think:

If you have a type specific herpes antibody test done each and every time, then yes, the antibodies will be picked up.

Herpes Testing

Here’s the comment I got:

Hi, I just moved into a apartment with two other girls. I just found out that one of the girls has herpes on her face. I just wanted to know what I should do to protect myself from getting it. I was also wondering what the chance are that I contract herpes.

Here are my two cents:

First all, how do you know that your room mate has herpes on her face? Does she have a history of cold sores OR fever blisters?

What makes you think that you are going to contract herpes from her? Are you letting her perform oral sex on you? Have you been kissing her while she is going through an outbreak?

Have you ever been tested for herpes yourself? Do you know your status?

I got this note in my e-mail inbox:

I used to tivo all your shows, just to be sure I won’t miss any, since I use to admire you.All has changed since I found out how unfair your are about Sara Palin, and how you really are trying to use your power to force people  to feel and vote the way you want it. So long, no more of you in my book of life

Here are my thoughts on the issue:

I believe you wrote to me because you thought that you would actually reach Oprah Winfrey. It’s probably because a lot of people wrote to Oprah hoping that she would do a show on herpes.

In fact, you probably saw all those letters to Oprah posted on my Herpes Awareness page. Is that right? Well, you won’t reach Oprah Winfrey from that page.

Just thought you should know.

As for Oprah not having Sarah Palin on her show, I too think that is unfair.

She had Barack Obama on her show when he was promoting his book. She’s trying to make it seem as if nobody is coming on her show while they are running for President of the United States. As if she didn’t know he would be gunning for the White House.

I don’t agree with her at all. I think she should have Sarah Palin on her show and I don’t blame you for boycotting her as a result.

So, I am going back to school (I’m a masochist, I know!) for my PhD in Public Health with an emphasis on Community Health and Education. One of my thoughts is to do my dissertation on something STI related, particularly to herpes.

Can you help me out? What are your burning questions and issues with herpes? What do you think could be done better and smarter in the community in terms of educating people?

For instance, the other day, I was visiting coworkers and they got to talking about a girl they knew who really REALLY liked a guy and dated him several time and then he had “the talk” with her. The group acknowledged him (“kudos to the guy for telling her before they got real close and/or intimate”), but all said in knee jerk reaction “oh he has to go bye-bye”. I made the comment that it was very brave of him to do tell her and to be rejected out of hand (she left before dinner was served and left the information he had gotten for her behind) had to have hurt. They thought I was being too soft. All I could think was that we really need to increase awareness in the mainstream community about STI’s and how common they are. Oy!

So tell me what you are thinking .. what gets you .. what you wish was happening in the community, please. I appreciate your help! – Janice

Please post your feedback here, Thanks!

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