Sexual Health Buzz

I recently recieved a couple of questions via my private mailing account over on our Shut Up and Post! STD Message Board. Normally I don’t respond to questions sent via the private message system because I think it sort of takes away from the board. But since these are really great questions I thought I would post the questions and answer them right here on the blog. That way, we can kill two birds with one stone and maybe help somebody else out there that is asking the same type of questions.

What are we waiting for? We’re waiting for me to post the questions and then answer them. Here are the questions:

1. Was is difficult for you to become sexually active again?

When I was first diagnosed I didn’t even want to think about sex. I was still trying to wrap my brain around the diagnosis. I was obsessed with trying to figure out where this herpes thing came from and how I was going to get rid of it. When I found out there was no cure for herpes I sank into a deep depression.

I think it’s important to give yourself time to heal, time to soak up the news about herpes, time to be sad, time to be angry, and time to learn everything that you can about the virus before you have sex again. Everybody is entitled to some time to grieve and figure out what’s what with regard herpes ie: what it is and how it works. I think the biggest part of it to get over is the fact that there is no way to get rid of it. Once you accept that and get to a point where you realize that having herpes doesn’t define who you are, you can begin to move forward with your life.

The other part to becoming sexually active again is to figure out what this means for you and your partner. I would like to suggest that the two of you keep things open and honest. Make a date to go and get tested so that the both of you can know what you are dealing with and can make decisions that are going to work for you guys together as a couple.

Many couples tend to jump the gun and automatically assume that there has been cheating in the relationship. Try not to go there at first because while there are people out there that do cheat… that doesn’t mean there has been cheating in your relationship. You’ll have to check yourself and see what your gut is telling you as well as your partner’s actions and reactions to the news. Remember, not everybody that has herpes knows that they have it. It is still possible to pass herpes even if there are no signs or symptoms that you can see or feel. Not all std testing includes proper herpes testing so you can’t assume that you have always been free and clear just because your std testing comes back normal. You have to actually ask the doctor or clinic what exactly you were tested for so that you will know for sure. Sadly, many people that get cold sores don’t realize that what they have is herpes and they are passing it to their partners via oral sex. Ok… on to the next question.

2. Has having the virus affected how frequent you are able to be intimate with your husband?

Have you read our telling story yet? :] — If you haven’t read our story yet you should because my husband is truly my match made from heaven. He understands that I have herpes, he understands that having it doesn’t define who I am, he is totally in love with ME, he understands the risk…and if it means he gets to be with me for the rest of our lives he thinks I’m totally worth it! To answer your question, no… my having herpes doesn’t affect how often we are able to have sex.

In the beginning stages of knowing I had herpes and dealing with symptoms I did make the decision to go on suppressive therapy. I explain all of that on my Herpes Biography page… so if you haven’t had a chance to read that yet, you might want to.

3. Does having sex increase the frequency and intensity of your outbreaks?

I would have to say that was true for me in the beginning. With that said… friction was a huge prodrome for me. Suppressive therapy is what solved that problem for me. I’ve had genital herpes for 14 years now and I don’t have trouble with outbreaks any more like I did the first couple of years. I am also not on suppressive therapy any more. I think that your body sort of gets used to having the virus around after some time and just deals with it. Suppressive therapy isn’t for everybody but I would say that if you are having frequent outbreaks or trying to protect your partner and keep them from contracting herpes from you, that you should definitely consider suppressive therapy with a clinically proven herpes antiviral. Talk to your doctor about it for sure.

Romans 1:26-27 (New International Version)

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

1 Timothy 1:10 (New International Version)

for adulterers and perverts, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine

Leviticus 18:22 (New International Version)

Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

Leviticus 18 (New International Version)

Leviticus 18
Unlawful Sexual Relations
1 The LORD said to Moses, 2 “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘I am the LORD your God. 3 You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices. 4 You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God. 5 Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the LORD.

6 ” ‘No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the LORD.

7 ” ‘Do not dishonor your father by having sexual relations with your mother. She is your mother; do not have relations with her.

8 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your father’s wife; that would dishonor your father.

9 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your sister, either your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere.

10 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter; that would dishonor you.

11 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.

12 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your father’s sister; she is your father’s close relative.

13 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your mother’s sister, because she is your mother’s close relative.

14 ” ‘Do not dishonor your father’s brother by approaching his wife to have sexual relations; she is your aunt.

15 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your daughter-in-law. She is your son’s wife; do not have relations with her.

16 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your brother’s wife; that would dishonor your brother.

17 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with both a woman and her daughter. Do not have sexual relations with either her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter; they are her close relatives. That is wickedness.

18 ” ‘Do not take your wife’s sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living.

19 ” ‘Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness of her monthly period.

20 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor’s wife and defile yourself with her.

21 ” ‘Do not give any of your children to be sacrificed [a] to Molech, for you must not profane the name of your God. I am the LORD.

22 ” ‘Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

23 ” ‘Do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A woman must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it; that is a perversion.

24 ” ‘Do not defile yourselves in any of these ways, because this is how the nations that I am going to drive out before you became defiled. 25 Even the land was defiled; so I punished it for its sin, and the land vomited out its inhabitants. 26 But you must keep my decrees and my laws. The native-born and the aliens living among you must not do any of these detestable things, 27 for all these things were done by the people who lived in the land before you, and the land became defiled. 28 And if you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you.

29 ” ‘Everyone who does any of these detestable things—such persons must be cut off from their people. 30 Keep my requirements and do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the LORD your God.’ “

The right time to tell is anytime before you become intimate with them. Some believe that you should tell early so, if they do bolt, you haven’t invested very many emotions in them. Personally, I don’t think that sex should come up in the relationship until at least two months of dating so you can actually get to know each other. Sex really complicates things if you think about it. If it’s good, you overlook a lot of quirks that would normally be ‘deal breakers’ … if it’s ‘bad’, you’re not as likely to give a potentially great person a chance. Beyond all that, it is consistently awesome once there are real emotions involved.

There is a lot of information on Angela’s site about having The Talk and real experiences with it. Knowledge is power. Whatever you do, DO NOT attempt The Talk until you can answer ALL of their questions. The more calm (not crying, blaming, etc.) you are, the better received the information will be. As common as this is, you might be surprised to learn that they have it, too. Always insist on a blood test before becoming intimate because, as you may know already, up to 90% of those that have HSV2 don’t even know it and wouldn’t without a type-specific blood test. It’s NOT included in routine STD testing and, unfortunately, doctors don’t even tell you that they aren’t testing for it. It’s simply too common, too expensive and not life-threatening. You really don’t want to get into a situation where they actually have it but don’t have outbreaks then, once they experience their first, YOU are to blame even though you weren’t. Know what I mean?

Besides, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, AIDS and certain strains of HPV is clearly WORSE and you really don’t want it. What I did was limit my dating to people in the same club until I got my mojo back (lol) but I wouldn’t encourage anyone to stick to that type of thinking. YOU are worthy … just give yourself some time to realize that, okay?

Tuesday, May 19th is World Hepatitis Day and I am reminding everyone on ALL my different groups that 1 in 12 people on this planet have some form of hepatitis!

Are you the ONE in TWELVE? Don’t take your status for granted. Get Tested! Especially for Hepatitis C!

You can learn the facts about Hepatitis A, B and C here:

www.aminumber12.org and www.nvhr.org.

Please take the time on Tuesday the 19th of May to educate 12 others about hepatitis. Remind them to get vaccinated for Hepatitis A and B and to get tested for Hepatitis C!

Also please take a moment and check out my friend Kelly’s “Living For A Change” video that was inspired by our sweet Kristina’s “Dying For A Change” video. Awesome Kelly! Keep up the good work!

For those of you that don’t know, Kristina sadly passed away at the young age of 32 from liver cancer from Hepatitis C on 2/21/09. She was an R.N., BSN and an inspiration and support to many over the years! She is greatly missed!

You can also help H.E.A.L.S help others by donating to:

H.E.A.L.S of the South
PO Box 180813
Tallahassee, FL 32318
or through the paypal buttons at:
www.HEALSoftheSouth.org or www.HEALSoftheSouth.com

Also there is a paypal button on my My Space at www.myspace.com/figmento along with some facts about Hepatitis C! :-) THANK YOU!

Take care of each other and take care of yourself! You are your most important advocate!

Visit our Hepatitis Forum and let us know what you think!!!

Angela if it was not for you and your site I would be lost, scared, hopeless and maybe even worse. I know you are probably really busy so I just want to say thank you. -RB

Did you know that teens can buy Plan B without parental consent?

I can not believe that a seventeen year old has access to Plan B without parental permission.

In Nebraska teens need parental permission as well as a doctor’s note in order to have aspirin in school.

How is it possible that a teen can buy Plan B over the counter without a doctor’s note OR permission from parents? I don’t understand this one at all.

Adults with credit cards should not be purchasing Plan B for minors either. Teenagers are minors in so many situations and should not be allotted access to this type of stuff without parental permission and a doctor’s note.

I’m just a tad bit livid about this one…can you tell?

In April 2009 Jeannie May was nominated a ‘Women’s Health Hero’ for her work supporting people with herpes. Read about it here on the Our Bodies Ourselves website.

H Pals, Angels With a Wing :)

Australia H Pal