Sexual Health Buzz

I recently recieved a couple of questions via my private mailing account over on our Shut Up and Post! STD Message Board. Normally I don’t respond to questions sent via the private message system because I think it sort of takes away from the board. But since these are really great questions I thought I would post the questions and answer them right here on the blog. That way, we can kill two birds with one stone and maybe help somebody else out there that is asking the same type of questions.

What are we waiting for? We’re waiting for me to post the questions and then answer them. Here are the questions:

1. Was is difficult for you to become sexually active again?

When I was first diagnosed I didn’t even want to think about sex. I was still trying to wrap my brain around the diagnosis. I was obsessed with trying to figure out where this herpes thing came from and how I was going to get rid of it. When I found out there was no cure for herpes I sank into a deep depression.

I think it’s important to give yourself time to heal, time to soak up the news about herpes, time to be sad, time to be angry, and time to learn everything that you can about the virus before you have sex again. Everybody is entitled to some time to grieve and figure out what’s what with regard herpes ie: what it is and how it works. I think the biggest part of it to get over is the fact that there is no way to get rid of it. Once you accept that and get to a point where you realize that having herpes doesn’t define who you are, you can begin to move forward with your life.

The other part to becoming sexually active again is to figure out what this means for you and your partner. I would like to suggest that the two of you keep things open and honest. Make a date to go and get tested so that the both of you can know what you are dealing with and can make decisions that are going to work for you guys together as a couple.

Many couples tend to jump the gun and automatically assume that there has been cheating in the relationship. Try not to go there at first because while there are people out there that do cheat… that doesn’t mean there has been cheating in your relationship. You’ll have to check yourself and see what your gut is telling you as well as your partner’s actions and reactions to the news. Remember, not everybody that has herpes knows that they have it. It is still possible to pass herpes even if there are no signs or symptoms that you can see or feel. Not all std testing includes proper herpes testing so you can’t assume that you have always been free and clear just because your std testing comes back normal. You have to actually ask the doctor or clinic what exactly you were tested for so that you will know for sure. Sadly, many people that get cold sores don’t realize that what they have is herpes and they are passing it to their partners via oral sex. Ok… on to the next question.

2. Has having the virus affected how frequent you are able to be intimate with your husband?

Have you read our telling story yet? :] — If you haven’t read our story yet you should because my husband is truly my match made from heaven. He understands that I have herpes, he understands that having it doesn’t define who I am, he is totally in love with ME, he understands the risk…and if it means he gets to be with me for the rest of our lives he thinks I’m totally worth it! To answer your question, no… my having herpes doesn’t affect how often we are able to have sex.

In the beginning stages of knowing I had herpes and dealing with symptoms I did make the decision to go on suppressive therapy. I explain all of that on my Herpes Biography page… so if you haven’t had a chance to read that yet, you might want to.

3. Does having sex increase the frequency and intensity of your outbreaks?

I would have to say that was true for me in the beginning. With that said… friction was a huge prodrome for me. Suppressive therapy is what solved that problem for me. I’ve had genital herpes for 14 years now and I don’t have trouble with outbreaks any more like I did the first couple of years. I am also not on suppressive therapy any more. I think that your body sort of gets used to having the virus around after some time and just deals with it. Suppressive therapy isn’t for everybody but I would say that if you are having frequent outbreaks or trying to protect your partner and keep them from contracting herpes from you, that you should definitely consider suppressive therapy with a clinically proven herpes antiviral. Talk to your doctor about it for sure.