Being infected with Herpes doesn’t end my life
Posted on Friday, August 3rd, 2007 at 6:53 PM
I will begin by describing myself as a down to earth women filled with humbleness humility and a passion to help people. Despite of all my genuineness and my good heart I am now living with the HSV-2 Virus. As shockingly as it was for me to accept it, I’m living with Herpes.
I believe the flaws in my relationships was not knowing how to choose a good man, and believing that the man I was faithful too was faithful to me. Four years ago I met a man and lived a 2 yr relationship with him. Come to find out he was not the man he pretended to be an was cheating on me and gave me Chlamydia. It was the end of my world and I left him.
I found a new partner and as well gave him 2 years of my life. As all relationships we had our ups and downs and our differences and immaturities affected our love and respect for each other. Despite the downs I remain monogamous and true to our relationship. On the other hand he made a mistake and cheated on me. This occurred in November of 2006.
I immediately went to my doctor and got checked for all STDS. I was negative for all Sexually Transmitted Infections, but the doctor stated she couldn’t check me for Herpes since I showed no symptoms. I left the doctors office relieved and trustworthy. After two long term relationships I was adamant to still keep searching for that one man to prove to me that he was different.
Months later I found that man and fell for his kindness, love, and respect toward me. In January I started my internship at a non-profit organization working as a HIV Prevention Specialist. Upon working here I became certified to perform HIV testing, I became knowledgeable about all Sexually Transmitted Infections.
In June 29, 2007 I was due for my physical and decided to get all types of blood work done. To my surprise my blood test came back positive for HSV-2 stating I was positive for Herpes. I was in denial. My life crashed down that week. I was depressed for days without going to work, eating, or wanting any social contact. My mind was confused as to who gave me this virus. Was it my new partner, my ex partner, my partner from 4 yrs ago. I have never had any symptoms and I felt healthy.
I immediately contacted my ex partner and my new partner. They needed to get tested and be aware of this virus I was positive for. My new partner of 4 months and his ex partner of years both came back Negative. I was shocked since me and my new partners have practiced un protective sex for almost 4 months. My ex partner was in denial and hasn’t been tested yet. I decided to take a second test to confirm my results. Recently in July 25, 2007 my results once again were positive. There were no more doubts in my mind I was living with Herpes.
The doctor stated I was asymptomatic, meaning I do have the virus but I show no signs or symptoms. I will never know who gave me this virus or for how long I have been living with it. This is how these viruses and sexually transmitted infections work. From unprotected sex and from one partner to another. I am glad I wasn’t infected with HIV since my results were negative.
I choose to share my story to show that even if you are in a monogamous relationship, your partner might not be. My mistake was to put my life and trust in these men whom I thought could be trusted. My new partner is Negative for Herpes until now; maybe the test was taken too early to detect any HSV antibodies. He has chosen to stay by my side and has asked me to marry him despite all.
I simply ask the Lord for Courage to be able to live a normal life, which I know I can, and the courage to accept any outbreaks as they might come. I plan to start taking Valtrex to protect my partner and we are now using protection. Being infected with Herpes doesn’t end my life it simply joins it. – G
You sound very confident in what you say. REading your story kind of gives me hope. I am 18 and was infected about a year ago. I was only having sex with one person for three years when i became infected. He still denies ever having sexual relations with any one. I think that is what makes me so angry. He will sit in my face and see me crying and sobbing over it and still lies about. There is no other way i could have got it but from him. He never has had any symptoms and it makes me furious. I was the innocent person and i have to pay for what he did to me. He wont even admit to it. But through all this i ahave learned never put your life in a man or any ones hand.
That’s why it’s so important to talk about STDS and make a date to go and get tested properly for STDS before you have sex w/someone.
I’m glad you got something out of reading this story. That is why I put them out there. People send me their stories every day to post on the internet with the hope of helping somebody even if it’s just one person.
You are lucky to find a guy who would marry you knowing you have herpes. Most wouldn’t as it is a bigger sacrifice than needs to made. He must really love you. Hope you treat him right. Kudos to you for being open about it. I know of people who don’t tell their partners, which is just cruel.
Are you kidding me? Of course there are people out there that will love others for who they are and won’t care about somebody’s herpes status. Isn’t love about sacrifices too? What makes you think I don’t treat my man right? We’ve been married already for seven years on June 9th! I will continue to be open and honest about it and hope that others will join me and stop being so ashamed.
You did a really great thing by telling your man about your herpes. It is a very, very, very hard thing for people to do. Just because you have herpes does not mean it is the end of the world. I am happy to hear you are doing so well. Hold on to your LOVE, you have so much to look forward to when there is love in your life.
[...] My Life is Not Over – Part 1 Filed under Yoshi2me’s Buzz | [...]
life is over 4 me because of this horrible disease ive been turned down 3 TIMES!so im not telling anyone about it anymore im on the edge and really seriously contemplating suicide things were bad before but thats life now this!having herpes is not supposed 2 be a part of life its a curse from god for something ive done im building up enough confidence 2 kill myself and go 2 hell why do u curse me and hate me so much dear lord i believe in u with all of my heart so why do u not believe in me? first syphillis then hpv now hsv2 plus im broke and cant afford 2 eat a proper meal.does anyone know how i can sell my soul 4 real?because god has simply disowned me and cursed me he laughs at my pain and when i do pray 4 better,things just get worse hopefully 2nites the nite ill not wake up 2moro if lifes this bad at 22 i really dont want to live any longer
Dear Anon,
I think I understand what you’re going through. I don’t want you to harm yourself. If you need somebody to talk to, you can email me. Jerwillikers@aol.com
My name is Amanda and I have been dating this man that is 46 years old. I am 31 and I have just found out that he has had herpes for 2 years and has told me nothing I get my relults back on 10-25-09 and I am very scared because we have been having unprotected sex for 7 months now. I feel lost and confused. to add to the top of that cake he has another gorlfriend and she is actually the one who informed me.
@anon – Your life is Not over and that is Not how God works. Have you picked yourself up yet? This is Not the end of the world as you know it.
@Amanda – Hi There. This guy you are with sounds like a jerk. You have broken it off with him and are not taking any of his phone calls … right?
I have been talking to him because i will be dambed if I go through this alone and he is going to pay for all the doctor visits and all the medication. I am not talking to him as my boyfriend no more. He is a jerk and does not deserve a woman like me. I have tried to make sense of this and I cannot. I have been hurt and dissapointed. It makes it even that much harder when you have laid your trust in someone. I had sex with him last week and he had an outbreak and did not tell me. What are the chances I will test possitive for this.
You need to end it with him. ALL OF IT. You don’t “need” him to pay for your doctor visits OR your antivirals. You don’t “need” him to be there for you. He is bad news. End it.
Amanda,
I would break it off with this guy, like Angela suggested. You do not need a dishonest person in your life. Since he is seeing another woman, and he did not inform you of his herpes status, it shows that this man is a liar and a cheater. If you’re getting a blood test, also make sure they’re looking for Immunoglobulin G antibodies, and not Immunoglobulin M. The Immunoglobulin M test is less reliable. The challenge is that you need to wait three or four months after exposure for an accurate Immunoglobulin G test result.
WELL THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER EVEN SPEAKING OUT ABOUT THIS, i TOO AM INFECTED WITH HERPES AND I TOO TRUSTED A MAN WITH MYSELF. a YEAR INTO THE RELATIONSHIP i HAD AN OUTBREAK AND JUST A YEAR BEFORE HAD MY DAUGHTER BY A DIFFERENT MANSO i AM POSSITIVE THAT BEFORE THIS I WAS NOT A HERPES CARRIER. SO ON TO THE STORY i WENT TO HIM AND TOLD HIM THAT I WAS POSSITIVE AND HE TO DENIED BEING WITH ANY ONE ELSE WHICH i KNOW IS A LIE.i SPENT DAYS IN CRYING AND THINKING WHAT A FAILURER I AM AS A WOMAN AND A MOTHER AND HOW TO YOU EVEN DARE TO ENTER INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT REJECTION, OR BEING EXPOSED, WHAT ABOUT ME WANTING MORE CHILDREN, OR WHAT ABOUT MY SEXUAL YEARNINGS THAT MORE THAN LIKELY NEVER TO HAPPEN AGAIN AND LASTLY IS IT JUST HARDER FOR ME BEING AFRICAN AMERICAN.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i too have herpes got it from somebody I thought I trusted. he claims he was never with another but i know it’s a lie. i spend days and noghts crying. these are things that bother me 1
1.) how much of a failure i am as a woman, as a mother, and as a person.
2.)how am i supposed to ever have another relationship with out being rejected,exposed to others, or to ever have more children.
3.) i still fool around with this guy because i dont want to be alone, i too have sexual desires,and who from this point would ever want me now.!!!!!!!!!
Being African American has nothing to do with it. We all have issues, troubles and concerns in life and nobody’s ethnicity trumps that. I think it would be a good idea if you put sex on the back burner and maybe concentrate on priorities. Learning everything that you can about the virus and arming yourself with the facts should help. If you want to have a productive and fulfilling life you have to start respecting yourself.
Blimey the way you some of lot are talking is as if your all infected with HIV! I have been infected for herpes for the last few years. A person with herpes could really get a complex after reading all your testimonies… However I believe it is not the end of my life (or yours)! I just learnt the lesson that I should never have unprotected sex. A few times a years I feel the tingling and then a small/or some blisters appear and bugger me senseless for about a week and i choose not to have intercourse with my partner even if he is happy to wear a condom. And thats it! It is a pain but i always thank my lucky stars I was never infected by something far more serious and life threatening. Its a shame that there are people out there who cannot look beyond a ‘little’ problem such as Herpes but then are just narrow minded and not worth it! Having Herpes shouldn’t make a person feel dirty or depressed! Choose life… even if it means spending a few times a year with the bothersome itchy little buggers! JUST USE CONDOMS!
This is fantastic advice!
Thank you Pups for posting that last message. This is all very new to me and this is the first time I’ve looked at these chat sites. I was really really discouraged by what people were saying abolve and I was thinking that herpes is way worse than I actually imagined. Like really?? Suicide?? It CANNOT be that bad. Anyways, thanks for posting your message as it made me feel a whole lot better after I read it.
Wow, really? This is an inspirational story? No one wants this horrendous STD. Either keep your legs closed, use a condom, or stick to masterbation. That is disgusting. You are sending out the wrong message to other females. Like it is ok to get herpes as long as you have sex first then tell him after, so there’s nothing he can do but fall in love with you. Learn to wear a condom! Trust has nothing to do with genetics! Get some intelligence. Join one of those herpes dating sites. Don’t spread that shit!
Arm – you are right. Herpes is not as bad as some prefer to make it out to be. Also, this isn’t actually a “chat” site but a blog. You are still welcome to leave a comment and/or to chime into the discussion taking place on this blog. We do have a message board if you prefer to participate with more than just a handful that are chiming in on the blog. Here’s the link to our message forum: Shut Up and Post! STD Message Board – See you there! I usually check in over there as often as I can.
peppy – Nobody is advocating having sex before making a date to have STD testing done. Quite frankly your comment is rude and unwarranted. FYI, you can still contract an STD even if you use condoms. You might want to educate yourself a little bit before you continue traveling down your high and mighty road in life. Oh and just for the record, people with herpes do not need to limit themselves to only dating others that have herpes. WOW. You are mean, rude, and crude. Please stay away. We don’t need your crappy comments. For Real.
I hear you guys — take meds, dont take meds, outbreak thearpy/suppressive therapy. Enough to make someone’s head spin.
For people who are asymptomatic (to their knowledge) its harder to continue with a normal sex life — how do you just not have sex during an outbreak when you dont have outbreaks? Are you still shedding when you are asymptomatic? Suppressive therapy for life? Yoshi – you took Valtrex for 2 years and no more now and have been symptom-free but what guarantee do you have that your partner will not become infected during this zero-breakout phase?
Im just … worried. It worries me that even if I meet a great guywilling to risk it all — how will I feel comfortable knowing I may be shedding day-to-day.
Thats really what gets me down. The active shedding. Any advice on that please?
It sounds to me like you still need to do some more reading about herpes simplex virus and how it all works. Why don’t you use the contact form at the top of the page and write me, let me know you want some brochures, and I will e-mail them to you in word format. In the meantime, I will take a look at your questions and see if I can write up some posts over the next week or so to answer some of your questions. Sound good? Cool! :]