A Positive Singles Dating Story

I met my special someone through this website Positive Singles and I was just diagnosed in Jan 2007. I came home for a vacation last Dec 2006 from UK. I figured out that the guy who gave this to me was the guy I was dating in UK for 1 year and a half. He broke up with me when I told him about the Herpes. It is good as I have tested negative for HIV and other STDs including Herpes when I started going out with him. So I was sure that I got it from him though he denies it until now.

I finally decided to come back to Canada for good and with a thought that I will be happy to spend the rest of my life single if I will not meet someone who will accept me as I am. Sometime in October 2007 while searching for more information about Herpes, I came across Positive Singles, I tried it, saying to myself, nothing to lose. I was amazed how many responses I got, and as any other dating website, you have to screen the qualities of persons you want to meet. At least, you don’t have to discuss Herpes but it is also good to know what other stuff they have.

It also boils down to whether or not you have chemistry, the same qualities, same values, sexual compatibility, etc. I do agree that there are websites that cater to specific needs of people. Whether you have herpes or not, you still have to determine what you want. Having Herpes is just one issue that you at least don’t have to talk over. I do agree that you should not limit yourself to people with herpes only but you have to be strong and determine not to be hurt when you disclose your status and that you will be ready for all the rejection and all the stigma and ignorance from people about herpes.

I don’t think having herpes had been a problem with my partner, much to the point that we enjoy each other even if we have our breakouts. And definitely, the more you talk about herpes, the more people understand, stigma becomes lesser. If in any occasion that I need to disclose, I made this decision that whoever I disclose to are people that I know will accept me as I am and whatever their comments will not affect me.

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Telling the right person

Hi. I want to share my story b/c when I was diagnosed w/herpes over a year ago I was devastated-depressed-the whole nine. The guy who gave it to me accused me of giving it to him and subsequently I ended our already dysfunctional relationship.

I was really afraid no guy that I would want would want me when he found out that I have H and I was paranoid about passing it on so not telling a lover was not an option.

So fast forward to 7 weeks ago when I met a great guy online. He is literally the sweetest man I have ever known but I was still afraid to tell him but after so many weeks of dating I was thinking he was wondering why I wasn’t having sex with him yet. So last night before we went out I told him.

I watched the news sink in on his face and he hugged and kissed me and told me he was sorry. He asked a couple of questions b/c he didn’t know anything about it, and that was it; we had a great time together (even though that night we couldn’t do it b/c i was having an outbreak).

So my advice to people afraid to tell is just make sure you’re telling the right person…who already really likes you and has proven they are not there just for sex in the first place.

Things Happen

I grew up in a family that wasn’t against premarital sex, but was warned of the risks of unprotected sex. my sisters were 5 and 8 years older than me, and i saw some of the mistakes they made involving sex. one of my sisters had a herpes scare when she was about 18 or 19. i swore to always use protection because not only did i not want to end up with herpes or something worse, but i saw how my other sister made fun of her behind her back.

well, now i’m 18. i work front desk at a hotel and get hit on a lot. i usually don’t accept. then, a construction worker who would be staying there for months hit on me, and something attracted me to him. even though i know i could get fired for having any kind of relationship with him, i went for it. he told me everything i wanted to hear, and without pressure, i slept with him. things were fine, i never had any symptoms.

we continued our relationship for weeks and weeks, and he told me he wanted something more than sex before anything happened. well, a little over a month into it, my vagina started to hurt really badly. i figured it was from rough sex we had the night before, and really thought nothing of it…until it became worse later that night. then i put it off on the new soap and laundry soap that i had used.

the next day, things were so much worse. i had all these nasty painful bumps all over and my vagina was swollen and itchy. i went to the gynecologist the next day and after looking for about 10 seconds, she automatically said herpes. i’m still not entirely convinced it’s herpes.

i don’t get the culture results until next week, but she told me that even if it comes up negative, she still says its herpes. i was put on valtrex, and really made to feel like a slut. regardless, i’ve never felt so much pain in my life. it hurts to sit, it hurts to walk, it hurts to urinate, everything hurts.

regardless if it turns out to be herpes, a severe yeast infection, or an allergic reaction, i’ve learned my lesson. not only did my doctor make me feel like a slut, a classmate at college filled my herpes medication, and i cried the entire day feeling dirty and degraded.

i made the mistake, and now i’m dealing with it. i told my mother, and she was more supportive than i ever thought she would be. she didn’t get mad, and she didn’t judge. i’ve been praying all night that i don’t have herpes, but even if i don’t or even if i do, the lesson is definitely learned.

and now i know that these things can happen after even just one time of intercourse without proper thought before hand. even if you think you know the person, even if they have no symptoms, things happen. i just hope someone out there doesn’t make the same mistakes.

This story was submitted by A. If you’d like to submit your story to be posted please do so. To read the rest of the stories submitted please visit: Inspirational True Stories

Breaking up is hard to do

I am in the middle of a break-up because of my situation. I told him exactly 8 days ago. He was so understanding at first and told me he would need to educate himself but he would not bail on me.

We have seen each other two times since the bomb dropping and he was fine the first night, distant the second night. He used to email me every night and abruptly stopped. I know it’s over - just hasn’t been voiced yet.

He is the first man I have told I loved them in 12 years. This hurts - it sucks - it’s not fair. I want to scream and cry and tell him I am the same person I was 8 days ago that he was saying he could see marrying. Of course then he would leave because I was pyscho - Damn stigma.

All the depression and loneliness I felt when I found out I had it has come rushing back. My friends are very supportive about my relationship breaking-up but they don’t know why. It hurts when people don’t understand why you don’t have a boyfriend because and I quote “you are such a sweet beautiful person.” Ugh, if they only knew.

I am trying a dating site for guys in the same boat. It has taken me so long to trust that someone could see past this, but apparently a skin condition outweighs compatibility. I wish all of you the best of love and life. A full life with people you can trust who do not see you as your situation, but for you.

Sad Endings

So I started dating a guy last May. Things where bad about 3 months into the relationship. On the day I decided I was going to stop seeing him, I fell off a mountain and almost died and he was there. The trauma of the event bonded us, and I not only stayed with him, but decided to take our relationship to the next level… we slept together.

To make a long story short, he ended up being a total psycho, who also as a bonus, had herpes, and of course gave it to me! How exciting! It took me months and months to accept this (wait, I’m still trying to accept this). Anyway, after months of being a recluse and hating all men, I date again.

I meet a wonderful man, who decided after lots of research, that he is OK with it. Thing is, he is military and leaving the country this January. Short lived relationship. We were careful during our relationship, and he is clean and clear.

So after that relationship ends, a few months later, I start seeing someone new. I told him last night that I have herpes. He said “First off H* I am sorry for what happened to you, and I know that its no consultation for something that cannot be taken back. I am very glad that you told me, and above all you did the right thing. It shows the person that you really are. As far as us I have to be honest, it is not something that I am very comfortable with. You are a super person H* and I would very much like to keep you as a friend if that’s OK with you??? Let me know, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or uneasy. If not I wish you the best that life has to offer. I too get depressed on occasion and I always feel a little better knowing that someone in this world is always suffering worse than I am. Your relationship with the guy from the Air Force is positive proof that you will find someone H* I feel like shit, I don’t want to hurt you or make you feel bad”.

I cannot go through this again. I can’t start a relationship knowing I have to have this conversation. One went well, one did not. They all end either way. What do you think?

Why don’t you share your courage with others?

I’m not sure how to tell him

Hi, I’m a member of the pup group. I’ve had herpes for about 12 years, and in that time I’ve pretty much shy ed away from any relationship. I’m always reading the messages and get inspiration and strength and support from your website and pup.

I finally plucked up the courage to start dating, and I’ve fallen for someone who at this stage i will assume doesn’t have herpes. I’ve read all the telling stories to give me courage, but my problem is that I’m so petrified of having the talk.

When I read the westover heights, I feel a bit ok, but once I get onto wikepedia the info looks scary and I feel like that would scare him off if he ever looked at that. I also feel that the only way i would feel comfortable having the talk is writing it all down in a letter and having him read it while I’m there.

Could you please give me any tips and advice, it would be truly appreciated because right now, just thinking about it makes me feel sick. - Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

I think it’s normal to feel this way. I don’t blame you for not wanting him to see the wikepedia herpes entry. It’s a bit over the top. In fact, I think the people that put that page together are looking at worse case OR text book scenarios that you might find in a medical school setting.

If it were me, I would take your time getting to know him. Give him a chance to get to know you. You don’t know if you are going to have sex with him or not. In fact, you could put sex on the back burner until you think that this is the right guy for you. When things start getting a bit more serious and you think that yoru relationship is headed in that direction, then you can sit down and have a talk with him.

You also have to remember that’s it’s not just about your status. It’s about his status too. So make a date and plan to get tested together so that you will both know what you are dealing with. If you want to share a resource with him then share our story. It was written from my partner’s perspective.

Good Luck! =]

Sharing your courage with others Can make a difference

People send me there stories all the time to post on the site. I think it’s great that folks are reaching out because it really can make a difference in someone’s life. Take for example this feedback I just received about a story that was posted:

Hi Liz,

I just wanted to say that your story made me feel a lot better. I just found out this week that I have herpes. I had an ex bf that found out he had it. I left him in January 08 due to finding out he was messing around  with other men. Some days I don’t know what to do and then some days are better than others it seems. The outbreaks suck, and my one biggest fear is that no one will ever want to date or be with me again. All I can do is try from day to day. You have a great day and thanks for posting.

It’s also nice to get feedback from people that are encouraging what is often times not an easy thing to do. It’s nice easy for somebody to step outside of their comfort zone, put their personal story out there and expect any sort of reaction. But this particular story was read by somebody that was touched by it. That’s basically why I like to refer to these stories as sharing your courage with others. That’s what you are really doing if you stop and think about it. You are sharing your courage with others.

So keep up the good work ladies and gentlemen. I’m also interested in posting more stories. It doesn’t always have to be in reference to herpes, HPV or even STD’s.

What are you waiting for? Why not share your courage with others today?

I have read these feeling will pass

I had been abstinent for over 2 years and tested for everything in that time. I started dating an older, mature, really organized guy. I used to jokingly call us Turner and Hootch because he was so with it and I was so not. His pants were ironed, he always had change for the tolls, knew where his keys were, was never late etc. He led me to believe that he had been abstinent for a long time also, bad break up, etc. and that he was sterile due to prostate cancer treatments.

We never actually had The Talk about testing. The first time we had sex we never used condoms. It never came up. I thought about it a few times, but did not want to hurt his feelings, esp since it would be him that would be the one that was the risk because I had been abstinent for so long.

One day he in a matter of fact way says to me that he is having a herpes outbreak, he had not had one in 8 years, by the way had I ever had herpes. Almost 1in4 people have herpes so I must. What??? Well, about 10 days later I developed herpes. He said he was sorry, but he is just not sorry enough. He acts like it is no big deal, like he gave me a cold or the flu or something, and I should just get over it. Meanwhile, I can barely sit down I am so uncomfortable and I cant stop crying I feel so ugly and ashamed. I have read that these feelings will pass, I know that I need to own my part of what happened but no matter how With It the guy seems, get tested, get tested for everything, use condoms and be firm about it or walk away. - Anon

- Share your courage today

My Life is Not Over - Part 2

It has been more then a year after my diagnosis with HSV2. I simply wanted to update what’s been going on with my life.

I am currently working with HIV positive clients as a Case Manager, and  I enjoy it. Since being diagnosed I’m still with my partner and engaged.

He has never mentioned to me my H status and it’s as if I didn’t have it. We don’t use condoms since he doesn’t care of my H status.

Keep in mind people that I’m Asymptomatic, meaning I have never had symptoms or outbreaks (THANK GOD), yet I can still infect my partner. He chooses not to use condoms.

I simply want to let people in here know that H is a simple Virus, a second chance from having become infected with HIV. With H many people live normal lives. If you are newly diagnosed simply read read and read.

Become educated on H and how it can be transmitted. I’m lucky my partner loves me regardless of my H status. I don’t know why he is so okay with it. I have educated him, but I think he doesn’t mind my status since I’m Asymptomatic. That doesn’t mean he will be if he ever became infected.

We have been trying to have a child, and I do worry about my H status if and when I become Pregnant. In the other hand I know there is medication and steps to take to protect my children to come.

Well take care, become educated on H.  Don’t be ashamed of your H status. - G

My Life is Not Over - Part 1

Shattered

My best friend wrote this poem for me. Not only is having Herpes hard on me, having herpes is hard on Family and Friends too - JD

The days were bright, her soul was young,
What she knew was about to be undone.
She had suffered so much, but she now felt safe.
Things were beginning to fall into place.

Safety and silence shattered, by a piercing ring,
With the words that were uttered came a lasting sting.
Her soul began to fracture; her life began to fray,
3-11, would be an infamous day.

She knew it was coming, but could not prepare,
For the news she heard, filled her with fear.
Her heart was broken; she lost strength in her legs
Hoping she would hear different, take it away, she begged!

She called him for support, she cried for help
But the feelings of love she had, only she felt.
He was too busy, and couldn’t be bothered
However she felt, to him didn’t matter.

She tried to hold on, as life took her for a ride,
But all she wanted was him, to be by her side.
He walked away, and left her alone.
Her trust was broken, and she was chilled to the bone.

She had to turn to her family, and all of her friends
But the only relief she could see was for life to just end.
She feared for her children, and wouldn’t let them near,
The people she knew, she tried to steer clear.

Her life was broken, she was only a shell
Of her former self, and was going through hell.
She grasped to the pieces she felt she could save,
She tried to joke, and she tried to be brave.

The first outbreak came, and she locked herself in,
She was doing her best, but felt she couldn’t win.
She is now speaking out for the pain that she feels
She might not be winning, but she is quick on life’s heels.

She is fighting the fight; she is running the race,
Though life is a bitch, she’ll slap that bitch in the face.
The one that’s to blame, has never returned,
He wasn’t a man, and she feels she was burned.

She feels alone, and would like a man at her side,
But she still fights the fight, and refuses to hide.
Keeping fighting sister, you’re strong beyond years
You have life on your side, and nothing to fear.

You are not broken, and you have beauty to share,
I know life is scary, and some times doesn’t seem fair.
There is a prince charming, and you will see him one day
But until that time comes, don’t get in life’s way.

In you, yourself, you have all that you need,
You are a great person, you don’t follow, you lead.
It will take a strong man, and a gentle one to,
To be what you need, and allow you to be you!

So keep on life’s journey, and fight the good fight
Don’t cower in life’s corner, Let your wings take flight.
For you have risen from the ashes, and continue to be strong,
Don’t let anything hold you back, not even those who have done you wrong.

I am grateful for you, as the great friend you are,
You will be my sister in life, near or far.
You are the Lady Phoenix, and your soul is renewed.
You are a Beautiful person, just love you for you!

Check out JD’s story