Comments on: Do you have questions? Where are you from?

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:09:15 +0000

If you do find some social groups in Canada, encourage them to get listed here: Social Support Networking Alliance (SSNA) - Good Luck!

By: Christine

Christine — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 06:52:38 +0000

Not sure if this is speaking my mind or not, but I am just wondering where I can find out about “H” parties in Canada!? I have found that there are a few in America in different states, but I can’t seem to find any that are close to where I am! I have had this for almost a year now and have yet to meet someone else in my situation.

Any information would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

Christine

By: Angela

Angela — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 16:08:12 +0000

@helpless – I went through the same thing that you are going through right now with my husband. He finally sat me down and told me that our relationship takes two to make it work. He told me that he is a big boy and that he understands the risk and that I am worth that risk and should put those type of thoughts out of my mind. He also told me that ultimately if he winds up contracting it from me, he doesn’t care and that what matters is that we are together and that we love each other. So maybe it’s time for you to put it out of your mind and not worry so much.

By: helpless

helpless — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 03:29:17 +0000

Angela, I do get that it’s normal to feel this way, and I know there’s hope for a real relationship and kids and the extra mile. I just worry that if I do find someone who cares that much about me and is willing to spend his life with me, that I’ll infect him because suppressive therapy and condoms don’t guarantee non-transmission. That’s something that I couldn’t forgive myself for. How do you deal with that?

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:32:46 +0000

@helpless, you do know that it’s normal to feel that way in the beginning right? Nobody needs to know about your personal business. It’s really none of their concern. The only person that you need to talk to about it is the person that you find to be your life partner. When somebody loves you for you they won’t let this be an issue. Next time take your time and make things go a bit slower. When somebody really loves you they are willing to go that extra mile for you.

By: helpless

helpless — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 01:21:08 +0000

Angela, I guess it just feels like “who would ever take me now that I have this”, you know? And I’m from Malaysia, a very conservative Muslim country. We’re not at the level where everybody wears burqas and there’s no alcohol, but it’s still very conservative and I’m just so scared someone will find out. I guess it also hurts twice as much that I really thought he was the one and I was already planning the wedding in my head.

By: Angela

Angela — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:56:28 +0000

@helpless – I’m so sorry that you broke up with your partner. Break-ups are not always easy but a good way to see that something is not quite right with the relationship, ya know?

I don’t understand why you feel that you will spend the rest of your life alone? That’s not true at all. Honestly, I think you should give yourself some time to heal and be by yourself for awhile. Give yourself some time for your head to clear.

By: Angela

Angela — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:54:39 +0000

@frightened expatriate – I think it’s always a good idea to see your doctor and have them run the appropriate tests. That’s really the only way to figure out what is going on for sure. It’s always a good idea to know your status. As for the trust issues, have you thought about seeking the advice of a professional counselor?

By: Angela

Angela — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:52:42 +0000

@jamie - There is an online support group for those living in Oklahoma called the Oklahoma H Club if you would like to give that one a try. We also have the Shut Up N Post! STD Message Board in case you would like to try that one too. It never hurts to be a part of more than one group. You never know who is going to be able to see and respond to your concerns with some knowledge and know-how. You are more than welcome to try both! We also have some H Pal Friends you can reach out to, also.

By: helpless

helpless — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 03:48:05 +0000

I was diagnosed in March, and at the time, my partner was my rock and my best friend. We had no way of knowing which of us was the carrier so I made peace with it. We broke up 2 nights ago and now I have to finally deal with living with it alone. I’ve just spent all morning scouring the internet for scientists saying a cure is near, but it’s not true, is it? I’m dealing with the same things as frightened expat and jamie – how do I have a relationship? How do I acknowledge that I have to spend the rest of my life alone?

For frightened expat – it is possible for you not to have an outbreak. Many don’t have outbreaks at all so they don’t know that they have it, and that’s a leading cause of the spread of HSV. Being tested is just a smart thing to do regardless of what your quack doctor seems to be saying, and please test yourself for all possible STDs. A full medical checkup will NOT check for STDs, usually only HIV, as I’ve found out, so your doctor telling you after a medical that you’re “clean” is not necessarily true.