Elisa’s Testimony
Posted on Friday, September 25th, 2009 at 8:57 PMI learned I was exposed to herpes last year. It has been very difficult dealing with the emotions concerning the impact to society as well as the social response. I have repeated to myself over and over again that I will not transmit to anyone; as such I have personally elected to remain without a husband and without sexual contact of any kind.
I am not innocent as some are who also share in the discomfort and in this experience with me. Shamefully I am guilty of sin, many times over, that led to this.
My biggest heartache is the fact that I am a carrier of a contagious disease, but as someone said before, I believe I learned something that until this came along- I had not learned by any other means and that was to fear the Lord.
I have desires just as anyone else, but the fear of the Lord and the sadness that fills my heart of compromising someone else’s health as mine was compromised, hurts me.
When I read that the Lord said that our bodies are his temple and that fornication was the only sin against the body, I began to respect the body of others–but not until I learned I was afflicted. I contracted my disease from my husband just before I married him. Needless to say I sinned.
The word helps me to see how important the body is to the Father. I know you ALL love the Lord as I do and perhaps even more than I. I am so glad that there are some of you who found a man or woman to share your life with. I left my husband, he and his entire family deceived me on several major issues and when confronted, their response was “who cares” it was so early in the marriage that I elected to leave. When I returned home to my family I went to get tested and that’s when I learned there was more. Thankfully I did not sin like that since then.
I am grateful to know that the Lord made provision for me to leave so long as I do not seek anyone else to marry. I think that the Lord is extraordinarily just and merciful.
Please, if you have not found a husband or wife to share your life with and you ask the Lord to bless you, he will. Our circumstances are not all the same as you have seen through the testimonies of others, God knows what is and what is not appropriate-he decides and he gives accordingly.
Remember that he loves you deeply and wants you to make good choices; choices that will help you inherit life forever with him. He loves you so profoundly. Just please understand that his kingdom is very different from the one that deceives the world and we are given the option to chose whom we will love, that we might give him our loyalty as the Righteous King is worthy!
If he were not God, he would not be able to punish anyone. I have not known of any statue or image on the planet that can see everything we do and correct us, not one.
~ Elisa
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Elisa,
Please don’t give up on the possibility that God has someone out there who will love you in spite of your affliction. I too got H from my husband, but we had been married for over 3 years when I contracted it, and I have had it for over 30 years now.
We are no longer married, mostly because I could not live with his infidelity any longer. I did nothing wrong to get H, only trusted that my husband was faithful. I don’t believe God is punishing me by allowing me to have this. I think maybe I have been given the opportunity to help others.
Don’t let H define who you are! You are a beautiful person, loved by God, and He has a plan for your life. Let yourself be open to what He has planned for you. Life is a tapestry that we see the unfinished side of, but God sees the finished product, and it is beautiful. Don’t give up hope and don’t let an opportunity to be truly loved by someone, and to love them, pass you by.
Cecilia
Love what Cecilia had to say! Beautiful name too BTW. :-)
Elisa, I can very much empathize with you. I’ve had herpes for 35 years and have never married. Although two men accepted me in spite of it, we didn’t marry for other reasons. However, I’ve always assumed God has not brought the right person along because I’m no longer qualified for marriage. The desire has always been very, very strong. I know that God can do anything, but He in His Own wisdom has chosen not to intervene. I wish I could be so absorbed with His merciful forgiveness that I wouldn’t keep dwelling on the shame and regret, but I don’t seem to be able to do that.
So what you’re saying is that you would prefer to live w/shame and regret. As a believer don’t you realize that is what satan wants?
Angela, I know you’re right…but I don’t know how to get past it. I’ve cried out to God for decades for His help to appropriate His forgiveness which He so freely and graciously provided through Christ’s death. He has been so faithful in providing for me as a single woman and has never let me down. But I’m still left as a sexual leper and nothing can change that. I don’t blame God…He was merciful not to destroy me. All that has happened to me is completely my fault. As a result of my sin in college, I’ve forfeited marriage, family, and now am an old maid in my late fifties. How does one get past the reality of the physical filth of this horrible disease? How can I have spiritual victory while living with the reality of incurable venereal disease? I loathe my body and know that death will be the only release from this awful thing that I’ve brought on myself. How do I live victoriously in light of this?
1.) God is not punishing you. 2.) You have got to forgive yourself and move on. 3.) When you realize that having Herpes doesn’t define you then things “might” get better for you. Right now you need to work on improving your outlook. 4.) Herpes is NOT a Horrible disease. 5.) Having herpes should not put a damper on your personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Give Him the Glory instead of yourself. You are putting way too much emphasis on how unhappy you are. You are the one that chooses this path.
Lucy, along with what Angela said about herpes not being a punishment, you might take a look at this thread over at HHP about “Things Herpes Has Taught Me”. http://racoon.com/dcforum/support/24441.html
Rajah