Sexual Health Buzz

Hi I have so many questions but have no Safe place to ask. Even my GYN gives me no hope for a herpes free future. Can you help me? I’ve just recently fallen in love with someone who has Herpes. We have not been sexually active. We have however, discussed children. My question is; how can I conceive without risking myself? Is invitro possible and the only route? I want to have his child and I would like to have our first child naturally. Is this possible?

Your GYN gave you know words of wisdom? Your GYN gave you no hope at all? Did your GYN offer to have you tested for herpes to see if you had it? Do you know your status?

Many people still do not understand that Herpes Testing is not part of the routine STD testing process. You go on in life thinking that you are free and clear and negative of all sexually transmitted diseases but reality says that you don’t really know for sure. The next time you talk to your doctor let he/she know that you would like to have routine STD Testing done. When they agree to that tell them you would like to know exactly which diseases they will be testing you for. Make a list so that you can then ask about the ones that are not included in their testing. Every doc’s office tests for different things so you have to ask. You can not just assume you are free and clear.

When you love somebody you LOVE them. I understand you want to make a future with the one that you love. So you are in the stage where you are discussing marriage, children and your future. You can still have all of these things with the one you Love. You just have to take it one-day-at-a-time and try to do things in order not out-of-order. Right now you are asking questions.. that’s good.

Your partner having herpes doesn’t change what you would do if your partner didn’t have herpes. You can have sex like you normally would. You can get pregnant like you normally would. You can have babies like you normally would. Life Goes On!

As far as I know my husband doesn’t have genital herpes. I’m the one with genital herpes. He has oral herpes due to a history of cold sores and fever blisters but most people out there have that anyway. It’s the same thing really.. just a different location. Back when we were very serious about our relationship while we were dating, we then became engaged, and began planning our wedding and for our future. I was always worried about him contracting the virus. He finally sat me down and told me that if he wound out contracting it from me then so be it. If it meant he got to have me in his life for the rest of our lives he did not care.

Ultimately when you love somebody and you are planning your future you are basically saying that you love them unconditionally. You would move mountains to be with that person and they having herpes would not keep you from being with them.

If you love this guy like you say you do then this will not be a problem. There are many things that he can do to keep you from contracting herpes. For example: He could go on suppressive therapy. Suppressive therapy reduces outbreak frequency and Asymptomatic Shedding. Suppressive therapy reduces transmission and has been proven to do so by 50%. That was the result of a clinical study that was done in the fall of 2003. If you are that uncomfortable with the possibility that one day you may contract the virus then you can throw a condom into that mix but honestly.. when you love somebody none of that really matters. The two of you can do what you think is best for your relationship and at the same time you have to know that no matter what you decide you are taking a risk.

You have to ask yourself.. how much do you love him? No matter what you decide there is always going to be a chance that you will contract something. You take that risk every time you have sex with somebody even if it’s protected sex.

You can get married, you can have babies, you can have your babies naturally… that’s with or without herpes in the equation. I do a lot of talking about this over on my Herpes Biography. Hope that helps.

Oh and if you have contacted me to ask a question via my Feedback Page then you do realize that I will take your random questions and post them on The Blog along with my response. I do this to help others that might be having the same type of questions. If you have more questions please visit our online support group Shut Up and Post! STD Message Board!