Herpes is the kiss of the Love Goddess by Hilary
I’ve had herpes for eight years. I was so ashamed for about four years. My heart would skip a beat if heard the word. Couldn’t keep living like that after a while.
The first dude I told was this big cute Iranian guy. Quite horney, didn’t seem that interested in what I’d said until after we’d boned, but then he asked some questions and didn’t seem so concerned that he didn’t want to bone a nice girl.
The second guy wanted me to commit to him before sex because he didn’t want me to give him herpes and then just skip out. I feel like sex is what bonds people though and didn’t want the early arrangement. With that dude, a Saturday Night Live skit came on about a QVC model with herpes on her mouth. I was just like, I have herpes. He said, oh, can we call them the happies? Dude two was very sweet.
The third dude I met on Myspace. He’d had his heart severely broken by his ex-wife, who was his pre-school sweetheart and later left him for one of those ultimate fighting championship guys. Ouch. We were making out in his room on about the fourth date. I just stopped for a second and said I have herpes. He was like, well do you have it now? I was like no. He said well why are you telling me? I was like you can still get it. Then bonage happened. We talked about it later, the herpes. He didn’t seem too concerned. I was totally guy three’s rebound girl and he dumped me via email after a few months for getting too attached. Can you feel the pain Hilary? That leads to guy four.
What a little charmer, at least to me…and grandmas and moms and the hard working ladies of the internet, if you know what I mean. He could be so sweet, god. It was our third date and he was pushing me to come on and get down, man/lady style. I kept giving him excuses for why my decision to observe social protocol was a prudent decision. So pushy though, that one, number four. I finally said well, I have herpes. He was like really, no way, I have that shit too, do you really have it? This is Hilary’s note to the world: Dude, if you have herpes and your partner has herpes, then you don’t have to wear condoms. That was nice for a while. (get tested.)
Guy number five was this nice boy. We made out on my couch for a while and then we went into my room and I told him about how I liked to have man, don’t like being alone. He was agreeable to this. Then I said I have herpes, do you know what that is? Yeah, his mom had it. I told him a little about it, he was was cool. He wanted to do it right away, but I felt like first-date Shenanigans were out of order in that instance and we started the next weekend.
Sixth guy was 21, just like guy five. He was this sweet little motorcycle boy, made my heart beat fast. I told him I had herpes the second time we hung out and he did not want to talk about it at all. I told him it was no big deal and I’d not yet given it to a partner. He starts to talk about other stuff and things relax a little without us actually talking about it. I show him some old Iraqi money and we sit on the floor talking a little. I ask him if he likes me and wants to keep hanging out. He says yes. He has to go home for a barbeque. We make out for a second on the couch. I escort him to his bike and he does a wheelie for me on his way down the street. I text message him that he makes my heart go pitterpat, he replies good. Anyway, after that when I talked to him on the phone there was no flow between us. We were going to hang out a few nights later. When I called him he said he didn’t know if we would be able to hang out. You call me if you want to hang out, Guy Six. Ok. That poor fella was scared. And it’s sad and hurts. But people can be really accepting too, if not understanding.
So many of us feel so much shame, it’s a shame. Vaginas and penises are gushing and warm and people want to swap juices more than anything and that makes STDs pretty popular. I’ve just recently started to consider standing at a busy intersection with a big clever herpes-related message to my sisters and brothers. Herpes is the kiss of the Love Goddess. - Hilary
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