Herpes is the kiss of the Love Goddess by Hilary
Posted on Friday, August 24th, 2007 at 2:53 amI’ve had herpes for eight years. I was so ashamed for about four years. My heart would skip a beat if heard the word. Couldn’t keep living like that after a while.
The first dude I told was this big cute Iranian guy. Quite horney, didn’t seem that interested in what I’d said until after we’d boned, but then he asked some questions and didn’t seem so concerned that he didn’t want to bone a nice girl.
The second guy wanted me to commit to him before sex because he didn’t want me to give him herpes and then just skip out. I feel like sex is what bonds people though and didn’t want the early arrangement. With that dude, a Saturday Night Live skit came on about a QVC model with herpes on her mouth. I was just like, I have herpes. He said, oh, can we call them the happies? Dude two was very sweet.
The third dude I met on Myspace. He’d had his heart severely broken by his ex-wife, who was his pre-school sweetheart and later left him for one of those ultimate fighting championship guys. Ouch. We were making out in his room on about the fourth date. I just stopped for a second and said I have herpes. He was like, well do you have it now? I was like no. He said well why are you telling me? I was like you can still get it. Then bonage happened. We talked about it later, the herpes. He didn’t seem too concerned. I was totally guy three’s rebound girl and he dumped me via email after a few months for getting too attached. Can you feel the pain Hilary? That leads to guy four.
What a little charmer, at least to me…and grandmas and moms and the hard working ladies of the internet, if you know what I mean. He could be so sweet, god. It was our third date and he was pushing me to come on and get down, man/lady style. I kept giving him excuses for why my decision to observe social protocol was a prudent decision. So pushy though, that one, number four. I finally said well, I have herpes. He was like really, no way, I have that shit too, do you really have it? This is Hilary’s note to the world: Dude, if you have herpes and your partner has herpes, then you don’t have to wear condoms. That was nice for a while. (get tested.)
Guy number five was this nice boy. We made out on my couch for a while and then we went into my room and I told him about how I liked to have man, don’t like being alone. He was agreeable to this. Then I said I have herpes, do you know what that is? Yeah, his mom had it. I told him a little about it, he was was cool. He wanted to do it right away, but I felt like first-date Shenanigans were out of order in that instance and we started the next weekend.
Sixth guy was 21, just like guy five. He was this sweet little motorcycle boy, made my heart beat fast. I told him I had herpes the second time we hung out and he did not want to talk about it at all. I told him it was no big deal and I’d not yet given it to a partner. He starts to talk about other stuff and things relax a little without us actually talking about it. I show him some old Iraqi money and we sit on the floor talking a little. I ask him if he likes me and wants to keep hanging out. He says yes. He has to go home for a barbeque. We make out for a second on the couch. I escort him to his bike and he does a wheelie for me on his way down the street. I text message him that he makes my heart go pitterpat, he replies good. Anyway, after that when I talked to him on the phone there was no flow between us. We were going to hang out a few nights later. When I called him he said he didn’t know if we would be able to hang out. You call me if you want to hang out, Guy Six. Ok. That poor fella was scared. And it’s sad and hurts. But people can be really accepting too, if not understanding.
So many of us feel so much shame, it’s a shame. Vaginas and penises are gushing and warm and people want to swap juices more than anything and that makes STDs pretty popular. I’ve just recently started to consider standing at a busy intersection with a big clever herpes-related message to my sisters and brothers. Herpes is the kiss of the Love Goddess. – Hilary
More stories from people with Herpes
wow, that was so cool that he wanted to call them the “happies” that is so nice. Blogging about your life is one of the greatest forms of therapy. I am happy to hear you are doing well. Thanks for opening your life to us for us to read.
About the “Dude, if you have herpes and your partner has herpes, then you don’t have to wear condoms” thing. Sure, you’ve both got herpes. But you can infect each other in different spots, multiple spots. So maybe you have three breakouts going on at once, instead of one. Or it occurs more frequently.
It’s good that you tell people, though. It pisses me off that guy number 4 was pushing you to have sex and only said, “Dude, I have that shit too!” after you told him that you have it. What if you didn’t and he’d pushed you to have sex?
I really enjoyed this blog, it helped me with me recent diagnosis. My boyfriend is really understanding about it, but I feel so much guilt and shame. I just don’tfeel sexy anymore or anything. I’m trying to work through it.
I found out not to long ago and as soon as I left the doctor I called my boyfriend and told him. At first he was like, ok whatever. He asked me questions about it and that was pretty much it.
About a week went by before I spoke to him again. To make a long story short, he used my diagnosis as a way to take advantage of me, making me feel guilty. Telling me I owe him. What should I do? he says he went to the doctor and that he has it now. I don’t believe him because it took a week for my results to come back and he says he got his the same day.
I think you should break things off with him. He sounds like a controlling jerk.
That’s a nice story. It’s good that some people out there would still tell their soon-to-be partners about herpes. I, myself have just been clinically diagnosed with genital herpes yesterday – I’m still experiencing my initial and suppossedly worse “outbreak”. What’s worse is that my “maker” was from a one night stand and I had the damn condem… Anyway she didn’t tell me and now I have it. After “thanking her” for her little gift, she said she didn’t know she had it, which could be possible, but whatever the case may be, it doesn’t change my current situation. I’ll be straight forward with girls from now on – that is if I even sex again… No sex drive whatsoever. An why is valtrex so damn expensive??
It’s true that she may not have known that she had herpes, if she has herpes. But at the same time, maybe you had herpes all along too and didn’t know it?
If Valtrex is too expensive for you OR your insurance will not cover it OR you do not have insurance then stick with Acyclovir.
That’s true. My blood results come back on Monday and they will tell me if my case is acute (contracted recently from 1 night stand girl) or chronic (somebody else, somewhen once). I did get a prescription for acyclovir and it’s really cheap which is good. I read all this stuff online but I really want to speak with somebody who has it. I have pesonal questions and it would be nice to talk to somebody for a few minutes. I put my email address in the field before I posted. Angela, if u could email me I’d appreciate it. I’d give my cell number here but that might not be the best idea. Thanks.
Hello: Anyone who needs further support with herpes or other STDs, try visiting the site, http://www.Yoshi2me.com. Click on H-Pals and choose a state/city for one of us to contact you with support, links, answers to questions you may have. Itis non-profit!! I do hope you are all aware there is a new one-day treatment of Famvir. Go to http://www.Famvir.com No, I am not a rep for them! :) I’m an H-Pal from Florida, Melbourne area if you want to go to the site. I slso highly recommend Zovirax ointment for faster healing and lessening of the pain of the first day or two of an outbreak. At the Valtrex.com site, you can print out coupons worth up to $30. on your Rx. This suppressant works well. Best to all,
Carol
P.S. Did you know that too much exposure to sunlight…lying on the beach for hours..can trigger an outbreak? Also, stress and lack of sleep for several days. You rule your Herpes…do not let it rule your life. Btw, on the Valtrex site, there are links, one of which is “how to tell” someone you have “it.”
Hi Chris. Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to post your cell phone number on a public blog. Why don’t you join our online support group. You are going to get a lot more help if you posted your concerns over there than if you e-mailed with only one person. At least this way if you posted on the online support group you would get responses from lots of people and then could weight your options.