Sexual Health Buzz

Here’s the latest note from my feedback form:

Hi there, I’m from the UK and I have literally never written or even thought about writing to a support site for anything – however you seem very understanding and probably the only person I can talk to about this.

I caught herpes from my ex-girlfriend whom I have only recently split up with. We had had unprotected sex a few times in the same night, and the next day she was acting strange and finally told me that she had herpes. I don’t know why but it didn’t bother me at all because I was so infatuated with her.

A few days later I noticed the symptoms (this was straight after my girlfriend had told me she was getting some symptoms too). When I told her, she was devastated and we got checked out. It turned out that i had herpes, genitally and orally (which really wasn’t fun). I had all the symptoms of flu and fever and basically had a rotten few weeks.

However, since we both had herpes we thought that there was no point in using condoms anymore and we enjoyed a perfectly normal sex life without any reoccurring symptoms.

I broke up with her just over a month ago (having been with her for almost two years) and have started seeing someone else. I am completely crazy about this girl and we have such a great connection. She has even split up with her boyfriend of 5 years (i know this doesnt make me sound like a good guy – but they were having problems and he was seriously bad news). The thing is we were doing our usual heavy hugging thing in the bedroom when all of a sudden she thought it was the right time to have sex and literally pulled me out and put it in her (sorry for being graphic).

I havent even thought about my herpes for well over a year because it never came back and i was having perfectly normal sex. It didn’t even occur to me whilst I was having sex with this new girl.

Basically, the girl I am seeing now I want to be with for a long time, and I know she likes me just as much but she is still going through the confusion of her own break up. I had no symptoms when we had sex and it was only when someone mentioned it on TV that i remembered i had herpes and have been stressing out ever since! Im terrified to tell this girl that I have herpes as I think it will be another reason to not get involved with me – but im also scared that i may have already infected her. She is going to think that i lied to her.

I have never hated this infection until this week – i feel ashamed and damaged and in my weakest moments I have been thinking about not telling her at all and hoping for the best – or pleading ignorance if she does get it.

I know exactly what you are going to say to me but the truth is I just needed to confide in someone as this is all making me very depressed.

What I do need to know is: does everyone who gets herpes type 2 go through the horrible first infection illness?

Thanks for your time – im sorry this was so long.

Here’s what I think about the situation:

It’s important that you are open and honest with all of your sex partners about your herpes status. They have a right to decide if they think you are worth the risk.

How on earth do you forget to tell somebody that you have herpes?

No, not everybody that contracts herpes will get a  horrible first outbreak. In fact, there are many people that have herpes and don’t know that they have it because they don’t get any signs OR symptoms.

You need to be careful with your sex life. It’s not only about telling your partner’s that you have herpes. Don’t  you wonder if maybe they have something to share with you too?

Try and talk about these things before sex happens and make a date to go and get tested, ok?

You can have a fulfilling sex life even with herpes. You just have to be smart about it.

Good Luck!