Sexual Health Buzz

Here’s the situation:

I have hsv-1 genitally. I contracted it from oral sex with my boyfriend. He had a cold sore and didnt think anything about it. We are still together but he says he wont have sex with me until we are married. I can understand that because he doesnt want to get it too. It also hurts because it feels like he is doubting if we will last. I want to be with him but I am not ready to get married, I am only 19.

Then again, to me it seems very selfish because I trusted him and he gave me this. I don’t know if we can make this work because we both see the situation differently. I don’t want to have to wait to have sex because it doesnt feel like he is even sexually attracted to me anymore. It might be because I am already insecure about myself, but do you know anything about our situation?

Since he already has cold sores wouldn’t he have some antibodies against type 1.? Can i still transmit it to him genitally or orally? I just don’t know how to make our relationship better, but I think that being able to have sex would help us intimately. I am still embarrassed about it and scared. I just need some help or support. I would really be grateful if you could email me back. Even if you could shed some relationship feedback. I just really need some help. I just cant stop thinking about this and want to get on with my life. Thank you for listening. – Anonymous

Here’s my response:

Ok, he says he won’t have sex with you until you are married. What does he think oral sex is?

He already  have Herpes Type-1. You contracted it from him, remember? You might want to remind him that he already has it.

Having sex with him is not going to make the two of you connect better. The fact is, if you can’t connect before having sex then there isn’t much hope that it will get better by having sex. You can’t make somebody love you and I would hope that you wouldn’t want to.

I think deep down inside you probably know that he isn’t the right one for you. Don’t waste any more precious time with him. You  have your entire life ahead of you and there are so many good men out there that would love and cherish you for who you are.

If you think that you have poor self esteem then maybe you need to be by yourself for awhile so you can figure out who you are. If you are happy with you then you will be even more happy when the right person does come along.

At 19 the last thing you should be thinking about is getting married. This is the time in your life to go to school, travel, have fun with your friends… be free!

Hope this helps – Angela