I won’t settle because I’m more than that and so are you!

I’ve been diagnosed just for 4 months. My “donor” knew he had it and chose not to disclose. So, from the betrayal and my new dx, I have done the crying, feeling undateable, unlovable, angry and betrayed phase.

But, kept my faith in God. It was trying at times, but still there.

I know that rejection is hard. But, I feel as I’ve been told by Angela and Libby that not everyone will respond that way. You don’t have to settle. And, so, I haven’t. I was told that I would be laughing at what I had felt originally next year. I think, I will be coming close to that assumption.

I’ve met guys that have had “H” and those who haven’t. I didn’t want to go into a relationship with someone who had it because my choices were “now” limited. Then you are just wasting their time and yours. It has the be the real deal. In other words, don’t just be with someone because you share the same “skin condition”. Have the same beliefs, value system, interests, compatibility, etc.

I have told five guys that didn’t have it. One said, “That’s common, I always see those Valtrex commercials at night. I didn’t end up having a relationship with him. He said, “but, I’m willing to accept you”. But, I told him that I wasn’t willing to accept him.

Another guy, said “he was scared of it”. But, has since changed his mind and called me to ask me out. I didn’t call him back.

Another guy said, it’s all about balance. And that I had a lot of other things to offer.

Another guy said, he has friends that have it and he dated a girl in college that had it. He chuckled. He thought I was going to tell him something “serious”.

And, I just told someone I had went out with just once. He told me he didn’t care and still wanted to see me. He said that a guy that would care was just looking for casual sex and not love or anything long term. . And, they weren’t worth my time. He also offered to go to my local herpes help meeting to tell others the same. He wants to let my group know that those that reject aren’t worth your time. I told him and he said he doesn’t care and doesn’t change his opinion of me at all. He told me that he respected me telling him and that it must have been hard.

Now, I don’t know where I will end with this. Or, even, if any relationships will evolve from what I have so far experienced. I still won’t settle for someone just because they will accept me or that we have the same dx. I’m more than that and so are you…..

So, thanks Angela & Libby and everyone else for being their for support.

Part of the serenity prayer…. It’s what keeps me going…

God, grant the serenity for the things that I cannot change (Can’t change the fact that I have herpes and that some people will prejudge me)

The courage to change the things I can (my attitude, and how I CHOOSE to react to it. How I choose to come to peace with it. I can only control my reactions and my journey to having peace with it and how it will or will not define me. No one else can.. And choosing to forgive those that have harmed you. Its not for them, its for you. This was the HARDEST for me. But, it is possible, even without an apology.)

And the wisdom to know the difference….

~ F

* You can also find Angela and Libby hanging out over on Picking Up the Pieces & Shut Up N Post!

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