My “Break-Out” Story
Hi All, It has taken me a long time to write this but it is my time to tell to give others hope. In the beginning I thought it would be so hard to tell another living soul, but I have never been a good secret keeper when it comes to “Big” things about myself.
In the summer of 2005 I flew to the “Sunshine State” for the first time with a friend to have a long “Girls Weekend”. Needless to say I had a blast! I met a guy and thought “Wow”. We hit it off and had a wonderful phone conversation that lasted for 3 months. I thought I really felt comfortable with this guy and he even said he was “Safe” he had been tested for “everything”. Well I flew down to see him and had a great time. We had plans to see each other in another couple of months, well it never got to that point.
Around Christmas I started feeling really bad. My muscles ached, I moved like a turtle, and one day in the shower I felt something that wasn’t right down below. I thought…something’s wrong with me ! I just knew it had to be an STD but was in denial a little bit. I searched the Internet and was almost convinced that it was Syphilis because that could be cured. This couldn’t have come at a worse time, but we can’t always plan how things happen in our lives. I had just been promoted at work and was trying to hire an assistant. It was Christmas time too so you can imagine all the stress going on.
I finally took myself to the Health Department, I couldn’t bring myself to go to my doctor for some reason. It was probably scarier going to the Health Department, but I made a decision. If I had to pick a feeling it would be like when you are a kid in school waiting for the principal to call your name and when you get up everyone looks at you. Maybe they weren’t looking at me but it sure felt that way. I have never been so insecure in my life.
When I went in they asked all kinds of questions including when they did the AIDS test, the man asked me how I would react if he told me I was positive. Well that came back negative…WHEW ! I still plan to get retested at the end of this month because it had only been 3 months from the time I had been with that guy. It has now been 10 months.
When the doctor examined me she couldn’t find anything, and showed me some books to see if it was lesions that I was seeing. Well the times that I had seen my “cuts” they were only one at a time and didn’t hurt so I didn’t think that it was herpes. All of my tests came back negative that time, but I wasn’t convinced. She told me to come back later in the month if I saw anymore “cuts” because if it was Herpes then the antibodies take 3 months to be present in the blood. I was so SCARED ! How could this happen to me ? I am a strong, sweet, determined, clean-freak, hard working single mother.
I go back at the end of February and asked for the HSV Igg Serology test, I got the same doctor and she just couldn’t believe that what I could have could be Herpes but it wasn’t impossible either. She did a culture of what I did have down there (a healed lesion) and an Igg serology blood test. Well the culture came back - and the blood test was + for HSV 2. I was so devastated I couldn’t even eat my Broccoli and Beef I had for lunch. I asked her, So what does that mean?….Do I have Herpes ? She said 50/50 chance…What? Do I or don’t I ? I knew I did because one little cut came like clockwork every month after my period. So I called my doctor to get meds or an appointment. I spoke to the nurse and she just wanted me to fax the results and they would give me meds. I thought they would have to see me, but the nurse said only if I wanted to talk to the doctor. My annual wasn’t due until October. The medication is expensive but worth it ! I went as far as trying to get new insurance because the group plan rates are so high. Well going independently would have been cheaper if I didn’t have a new “condition”. I look so forward to next year. The rates will be cheaper and hopefully I will have fewer outbreaks.
I have now met a wonderful guy…the one I have been patiently waiting to come into my life. Our relationship is very new (just over a month) but from the beginning I told him my “Status” I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to him. I have told my close friends only and they all have admired my Strength. The repeat thing that I hear is You are a remarkable person for being able to tell that. I don’t see it as a Big thing telling others…it has to be done for people to be aware that there are dangerous things out in this world. Well my guy has accepted me regardless. He surprised me one day when I came home. He said I did something this morning. I went to the free clinic to get checked out. My heart froze. He said that he got checked out for everything, but Herpes. I still want him to get tested for that, but now I fear it is too late, we waited a month but we have been having a glorious time and both felt it was time for us to be together (sexually).
I have been taking Valtrex for a month and he used a condom. We both know the risks. He is positive for HPV. I have an appointment to receive the vaccine for this at the end of the month. The rewards outweigh the risk for me. It was my final decision. If he was willing to accept my condition, I was willing to accept his. So now we are on the journey of being together regardless of a little “BUG”.
Thanks to Yoshi2me I feel beautiful again. ~ Sara
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