Should I tell my partner before we kiss?
I’m 35 years old and I was recently diagnosed with herpes simplex one, cold sores of the mouth. I was told by my doctor that if I ever felt a cold sore coming on, then I shouldn’t kiss until it was completely healed. Otherwise, she said that it wasn’t necessary to tell other people about this.
My dilemma is this: I still am not sure is I should share this information with whomever I intend to kiss. It seems to me that since the vast majority of people have herpes simplex one (60-90%) then it doesn’t seem necessary to tell a partner before kissing. Of course, I intend to share this information with someone while dating and before having sex, since I know that this can be spread through oral sex.
I realize that this might be a gray area and more of an ethical question. But it bothers me that I can infect someone regardless if a cold sore is showing or not and so my feeling is that they have a right to know. The problem is that this will make it very difficult for me to date people if I have to have this conversation before having developed intimacy with that person. Any advice? I’m deeply confused! - Anonymous
I think people should be talking to their partner’s about their STD status before they have sex. I think most would agree with me that if you are going to be sexual then you should probably talk to your partner about your status. Likewise, I would hope that you guys would talk to each other about it and make a date to go and get tested together for stuff before you have sex.
I’ve heard people say that as long as you are just kissing that it’s ok not to tell or talk about it before you kiss them. I would venture to say that if you are worried about it and you care deeply for that person that it’s a conversation worth sharing and if they care for you they will not judge you are hold it against you. That’s just my thoughts on it though. I hope this helps - Angela
Filed under Buzz, Cold Sores, Feedback, Herpes, Oral Sex |One Response to “Should I tell my partner before we kiss?”
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I have the same exact ethical dilema that you have. But when you are just getting to know someone, and lots of people kiss people they hardly know at all, it makes it very difficult to connect emotionally to someone without a kiss, which many people expect frankly on the first date. I can’t possibly imagine telling someone on a first date, and at the same time, the person is going to think something is wrong or that you just don’t like them if you don’t kiss them back when they go in for the kiss… The statistics seem to indicate that most people have been exposed to it anyway, just the small “lucky” few who have symptoms and actually realize we were exposed. How many people does someone have to kiss before you can assume they’ve been exposed, 10, 20, 30? Personally, I feel what you’re going through, and have no clue how to handle it, either.