Nov
Doubly Cheated
Posted in Health Buzz, Readers Write In | 4 Comments »
I really like your site. Thanks for taking the time and effort to share your story and support others who are going through similar things.
I got diagnosed with herpes in June 2009. I’m Christian and I wanted something special with my husband and so had decided to wait till I got married before having sex.
Earlier this year I got engaged to my much older boyfriend (21yrs older than me!) and although he knew I wanted to wait, I ended up compromising because I loved him and we were planning to be married within a few months…or so I thought.
He never actually gave me a ring and I have seriously doubted his integrity and honor since then. We had discussed STD testing on numerous occasions – he said there was no way he could have anything. I told him he may be a symptomless carrier or that one of his partners may have had something. He said he wouldn’t sleep with anyone who had something like that…. I didn’t insist on him getting tested. I was doubly stupid…first for believing him and trusting him, second for not using a condom (he had had a vasectomy already, and I didn’t see the need to use a condom with my “husband” although we weren’t actually married yet).
We had sex. Once. And after a really bad episode of “thrush” I got the blister which then ulcerated. I found it hard to sit down and painful to walk as it rubbed with every step. Urinating was excruciating until my doctor suggested pouring water over my genitals while I urinated to dilute the acidity and reduce the sting.
It was a horrific ordeal for anyone to go through, but especially having waited so long for a “special” relationship (I was almost 31 when I lost my virginity!) The worst bit was that my fiance then confessed he had been in a 9mth relationship with a woman who had herpes – but she had assured him she knew when she was likely to be infective and wouldn’t sleep with him around that time. This was a bigger shock than getting an STD the first time I had sex.
My whole world crumbled around me. How could I trust this man who had placed so little value on me and chosen NOT to protect me when he could have done so – I had even said that I wouldn’t stop loving him just because he had something when we had discussed testing. It was a real betrayal. I refused to sign the prenuptial and the relationship ended.
I am still struggling to deal with everything. Although my friends and family have been amazingly supportive I still grieve for everything I threw away on a selfish liar. I find it really hard to forgive him for what he has done – the dishonesty and lack of love more than the std…if he had been open and honest we could have worked through everything else. I know I am better off not being stuck in a marriage to a man like that, but I just feel so desolate.
Purity was so important to me and now I will never have that specialness with anyone. Tainted forever. And to top it all off, it was bad sex – he did break me slowly but it wasn’t the loving passionate caring intimacy I had expected from my husband-to-be. So I feel doubly cheated out of the real deal! Trying not to wallow in self-pity but it is hard to see life beyond herpes at the moment.
Just when I think I am getting to grips with it all and starting to feel positive, I get overwhelmed by the loss and hopelessness of my situation. But although I feel like a leper, I have found nothing but love and support from everyone I’ve told (ironically, except from my fiance!!!)
