Sexual Health Buzz

My name is Bek, I’m 16 and I have Genital Herpes. I lost my virginity at the age of 15, becoming sexually active is meant to a big journey in one’s life, some girls don’t become sexual active until after marriage, which I reckon is pretty awesome. I always wanted to wait until I was either married or in a serious relationship except I was unsure because I had never had a boyfriend before. I was ugly as a young girl; I was always the girl that the boys made fun of. Well because of that from year seven onwards I became aware of the appearance, I started to dye my hair, wearing tons of make up, eating healthy and exercising.

I’m currently in year ten; I have heaps of lovely and caring friends but only my closest friends are aware of that I have genital herpes. Losing my virginity was a life changing experience and a half. To fully understand the importance of the love that your friends have for you, you need to experience something that is unexpected and unwanted.

I was raised in a single mum household, my mum is tight when it comes to guys, and she has never said that I can not have a boyfriend but she gets weird when I mention anything about my friends that are guys. So guys and sex talk in my household does not happen. His name was Brad; his family’s holiday place is next to my family’s holiday place. It was the Christmas holidays 2008-2009, Brad was 20 and ok I recognize he was not the best looking guy in the world, but he was the first guy to look at me as a girl and not one of the boys. We became friends with benefits, then a few days after he asked me out. Brad was the first guy to ever say those words “will you go out with me”; he made me feel special and a guy who actually liked me.

Before Brad’s and my relationship became sexual, I was a virgin, never been fingered, given or received oral sex actually never had seen a real penis. It was a learning experience. I’m one of them exercise freaks, I wont have a good day unless I get at less one hour worth of exercise a day. Well ten months ago this was still the case; I would get up at 5 am and go for a jog along the beach which I have done for years, while me and Brad were together he would come with me. My jogs are the only times that I am alone from my sisters and mum. We would jog to make out couch which was an old couch which was dumped on a headland; it was so beautiful the outlook over the ocean.

Being a virgin meant new experience, the first time I performed oral sex on brad I throw up all over him, he told me it was normal not to enjoy performing oral sex for the first time. It is just it tasted and smelt so terrible. Brad was a lot older than me (five years) and he had been sexually active for years before me.

On the 26th January 2009 (Australian Day) at 5.30am Brad and I had sex after 5 days of going out with him. I didn’t really enjoy it, it kind of hurt, and it was not what I expected, and I thought it would be like what it is like on TV like screaming orgasms. While we were having sex he kept asking me “Bek are you sure you wanna do this?” “Do you want me to stop?” I thought he was being caring and loving but the reality was he was just trying to make sure that I was conceding to having sex with him. A few days previous he had told me about his last girlfriend she was the same age as me, the reason for them breaking up was because she got pregnant and her parents found out she was sleeping with a 20 year old, she was scared to face up to what she had done so she cried rape.

It was understandable why brad made me say any times had with him I was conceding to the sexual activities. But I wonder did he rape, this guy I barely know, and what I did know he displayed this kind of faulty play dishonest nature and a pushy feeling, looking back on this event I believe brad has it in him to forces a girl to perform sexual activities, well he did pressured and pressured into the sexual activities until I had gave in.

Anyways after we had sex, we got dressed, and as he pulled out his little note book as he said “thanks for the root”, I gave him a funny look along with a fake smile and said “what you doing”, as he reply my gut felt to ground as he said “just marking off another tally” that little note book was his tallies of how many girls he had rooted, he gives a rating out of 10 and a smiley face if he would re-root them or a sad face if he would not. I ask him if all I was another mark on his tally, he said “of course not I love you Bek”. Yeah for same reason I didn’t believe him.

Two weeks later I realize that something was wrong, my vagina was really itchy, and then the painful blisters came. I could not do any thing I was in so much pain. I had heard that some girls have an allergic reaction from the natural rubber latex and at first I thought that was what was wrong, I told me best friend that something was wrong, we started to look through a book called “Girl stuff – your full on guide to the teen years” by Kaz Cooke. In the STIs section as we read over every single type of sexually transmitted infections as soon as I started to read the info about Genital Herpes I knew it had it.

The day after I rang Brad, he claimed that I already had the virus and that I have passed it on to him. I know for a fact I didn’t have it before because I had never been sexually active before him. Then he did admit that yes he DID have herpes umm shows his inelegance level because herpes can not be cure nor is there a vaccine to prevent the virus. I went to the doctors and he conform that brad had infected me with herpes.

It has been ten months since I had caught the virus. I still have not have had another boyfriend but that is by choice I feel I have not found the right guy yet. But I have had sex with other guys but I always make sure it is safe and that they have been tested for any STIs. (see note below) The last ten months have been hell, the 26th of each month is torture I break down and seriously feel like I will be nothing but the girl with herpes. People have asked me if I could take it back would I? Truthfully I would not want to take back this big mistake that is because I have grown up so much; I believe that I will able to encourage other girls to love themselves and never do something that they do not want to do.

I use sex to make me feel better about myself, I still don’t enjoy sex, it feels good but I have not found that special guy who will make sex amazing. I believe sex is a personal choice; some girls may want to experience losing their virginity earlier than others. I have a low sense of self I use sex to make my self-esteem elevated. Every guy had I have had sex with I have regretted.

I do not tell people that I have the virus ‘Genital Herpes’. (see note below) At first when I first got infected with this STI, I thought it was no big deal I will go the doctors get the tablets and everything would be fixed. Well herpes is not easily fixed; herpes is a virus that if you catch you carry it with you for the rest of your life. I am one of those girls who can’t wait to be a mum. And having genital herpes I can not give birth naturally, so when I am older and i am pregnant I have to tell my doctor that I have herpes to avoid passing the virus on to my baby.

The mistakes that I have made I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life. I hope I will found that special guy who will love me even though I have a sexually transmitted virus. Herpes is very, very common, one in eight people have the virus and one in seven girls have it. So any body that does have any STIs should not be ashamed. I was ashamed, I thought because I have a STI I am a slut, but the truth is that anybody can catch a STI, I was unlucky and caught Herpes my first time. Do not make the same mistake, make sure you are safe and do not get pressured into having sex.

Hi. This story was sent in by a gal from Australia that wanted me to share her story with you. If you  have a story that you would like me to share you are welcome to contact me.

I just wanted to let those reading know that if you have genital herpes you can still have a healthy baby without having a C-section. Having herpes doesn’t automatically mean you will have to have a C-section. You can have a vaginal delivery and the baby can be safe. You just have to know your status and talk to your doctor about it by the time you find out that you are pregnant. Thanks!

I just wanted to add to this post that it is NOT ok to have sex w/somebody w/out telling them that you have the virus. You do have a moral obligation to sit down with them and have a talk about what it is that you have BEFORE you  have sex. Condoms are NOT 100% effective at preventing STDS. They have a right to listen to what you have to say. Be prepared to answer questions if they have any and remember it’s not just about YOUR situation. You should insist that they be tested too. In the end it’s either going to work itself out relationally or not. Remember, having herpes does not define who you are and it’s not the end of your sex life. Always be honest with your partners!

Hi! I came across your website looking up the proper information for my boyfriend on herpes since I have it and he doesn’t.

I wanted to let you know I think what you are doing is great! I also wanted to let you know in reference to oral sex women can buy dental dams (they are latex or latex free sheets that almost act like a condom so a man can “go down” on you without having to worry about contracting your herpes!) I buy mind on the website undercovercondoms.com and they come flavored and unflavored!

I am finally in a relationship where I’m being 100% honest with my partner about everything and we are protecting him! In the past the men I have told haven’t really taken it seriously and have decided to not protect themselves. And it took me a long time to tell people, I was scared of the judgment I would receive and the wrong person knowing and telling everyone! So I didn’t tell some people either and now look back on it and feel soooooo bad about it! I will make sure not to make that mistake again!

But….. I just wanted to say from a woman who has had herpes for 11 years I appreciate all that you are doing! I know how it feels to be lost and scared and “not beautiful” because of this disease and I hope they do perfect that vaccine!!

All the best!

~Anonymous

More Inspirational Stories

Just wanted to pass along a positive experience I had the other night since this is always a big question for me. I was on a second date with a guy who is really into me. After a movie, dinner, and a couple of drinks, we were in the car and it was the moment of “do I drop you off or bring you home with me”? He wanted me to bring him back to my place. I told him that I would love to make out with him but I didn’t want to go too fast. He said that he too didn’t want to “have sex”. After a few minutes of agonizing over what to say, I told him the following:

“One of the reasons that I want to go slow is that I have herpes. If we have sex I want to do it conscientiously and intelligently. It’s harder for a man to get herpes from a woman and I am on medication which decreases the chances more, but it’s still possible.”

He said something about using condoms and I told him that that’s not 100% but that I have a couple of friends who have been in long-term relationships with men who haven’t gotten it. Then he said that he really liked me and it was ok.

I took him home and we had a great make-out session!

Hi, Is Herpes 1 and 2 contagious if a condom is not used when having intercourse?

Here’s more information on HSV-1 and HSV-2

It’s always a good idea to protect yourself if you are going to have sex. Condoms are good to use but you have to remember that they are not 100% effective in preventing sexually transmitted diseases.

Why is that? Because a condom does not cover the entire genital area and they are not always used correctly by the people having sex.

With that in mind, is it possible to contract herpes even if you use a condom? Sure it is! In fact, I’ve known people that have admitted to contracting herpes even with religious use of condoms.

Hope that helps to answer your question. If you have more questions feel free to send them in. You can find a listing of frequently asked questions here OR on our message board here.

After an extended review, the federal Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recently published final rules governing the labeling of male latex condoms. Following the evaluation of both clinical and epidemiological research as well as public comments on proposed changes to labeling, the FDA concluded that “scientific evidence today continues to fully support the overall effectiveness of latex condoms in reducing the risk of transmission of common STIs.”

Changes to condom labeling were originally proposed in 2005. Among the proposed changes at that time included language specific to STDs: “Condoms provide less protection for certain STDs, including genital herpes and human papillomavirus (HPV) infection, that can also be How to Use A Condom spread by contact with infected skin outside the area covered by the condom. Condoms cannot protect against these STDs when they are spread in this way.”

When the FDA solicited public comment on the suggested changes in 2005, they received more than 100 responses from consumers, health professionals, industry, academia, state and Federal government agencies, as well as professional societies and organizations. After a review of public comment, as well as current research on condom effectiveness, the FDA concluded that recent studies confirmed that latex condoms can reduce transmission risk, and cited recent studies on HPV specifically that provided additional evidence to support this conclusion.

As stated in the federal register, “The benefit of this final rule is that establishing the labeling guidance as a special control ensures that manufacturers will provide consumers with the information they need to make an informed decision regarding the use of latex condoms and to use them safely and effectively. The labeling guidance helps ensure that information provided to consumers does not undervalue the overall STI-risk reduction provided by latex condom use, but does not exaggerate the effectiveness of latex condoms against certain types of STIs.”

This final rule will go into effect January 9, 2009. While latex condoms that were legally marketed prior to the effective date of this final rule will have 11 months from that date to comply with the new labeling requirements, new products will be required to comply immediately upon the rule taking effect.

Help help help! How effective is suppression therapy? With Valtrex? My mate doesn’t know I have it and our sex life was finished. then he went and got meds to start it up again. Now I’m panicked. I rarely have outbreaks that I know of. And online articles seem confusing … “shedding is reduced to 8% of the days with suppression therapy” means nothing to me. I’m so confused as to what my odds are to not transmit the virus to him. I can’t find anyone who really knows. My dr. even isn’t sure!!! Do you know anything that may be helpful to me??? – S

Suppressive therapy reduces outbreaks to the point that people don’t experience them like they did when they were first diagnosed. So if outbreaks are a problem for you then suppressive therapy would definitely be the way to go.

For those couples where one has genital herpes and the other doesn’t, suppressive therapy is helpful in reducing transmission to the partner that doesn’t have it. In fact, suppressive therapy reduces transmission by up to 50%. You add condoms to that and I would say that is pretty good protection.

Suppressive therapy also reduces asymptomatic shedding by about 95%. So for those people that do not get outbreaks that they can see or feel.. then they would be reducing the chances of their partner contracting it from them even further by being on suppressive therapy.

It’s really up to the couple to figure out what they want to do though.. that’s why it’s so important to talk about your sexual health, your std status, and make a date to go and get tested together so you will both know and understand what you are dealing with before you have sex.

If you decide that you have more questions feel free and post those on the Shut Up N Post! STD Message Board, ok? – A

I’ve been seeing a lot of these open threads so I thought it would be fun to start one on Abstinence since I don’t really have any posts on that topic. Since this blog is one about sexual health issues I’m thinking, why not? Let’s talk about Abstinence.

I am a big fan of abstinence only as a way to prevent pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases because it seems to be the only foolproof way of preventing stuff. Think about it, if you don’t have sex you can’t contract an STD and you can’t get pregnant, right? It’s really that simple in theory but what about real life every day situations and circumstances that you might find yourself in? Can you think of any instances where abstinence only does not work?

One thing that comes to mind is how Abstinence is being taught in schools. (Well, in schools that would even go there) Are young adults getting all of the information or are they only getting part of the information? I personally believe that if sex education is going to be taught in schools that abstinence as well as all of the other options should be presented too: ie birth control, condoms, etc.

Sure abstinence works but only if it’s used correctly, right?

I’d like to hear from you. What do you think of when you hear the word Abstinence? Do you think it works? If so, why? Do you think that it doesn’t work and if so, why not?

Herpes does not invade your pants.

You catch herpes from having sex OR oral sex with somebody that’s infected that has viral activity.

Condoms do not prevent STD’s 100% of the time.

Herpes is not included in routine STD testing, did you know that?

Here’s the latest note from my feedback form:

Hi there, I’m from the UK and I have literally never written or even thought about writing to a support site for anything – however you seem very understanding and probably the only person I can talk to about this.

I caught herpes from my ex-girlfriend whom I have only recently split up with. We had had unprotected sex a few times in the same night, and the next day she was acting strange and finally told me that she had herpes. I don’t know why but it didn’t bother me at all because I was so infatuated with her.

A few days later I noticed the symptoms (this was straight after my girlfriend had told me she was getting some symptoms too). When I told her, she was devastated and we got checked out. It turned out that i had herpes, genitally and orally (which really wasn’t fun). I had all the symptoms of flu and fever and basically had a rotten few weeks.

However, since we both had herpes we thought that there was no point in using condoms anymore and we enjoyed a perfectly normal sex life without any reoccurring symptoms.

I broke up with her just over a month ago (having been with her for almost two years) and have started seeing someone else. I am completely crazy about this girl and we have such a great connection. She has even split up with her boyfriend of 5 years (i know this doesnt make me sound like a good guy – but they were having problems and he was seriously bad news). The thing is we were doing our usual heavy hugging thing in the bedroom when all of a sudden she thought it was the right time to have sex and literally pulled me out and put it in her (sorry for being graphic).

I havent even thought about my herpes for well over a year because it never came back and i was having perfectly normal sex. It didn’t even occur to me whilst I was having sex with this new girl.

Basically, the girl I am seeing now I want to be with for a long time, and I know she likes me just as much but she is still going through the confusion of her own break up. I had no symptoms when we had sex and it was only when someone mentioned it on TV that i remembered i had herpes and have been stressing out ever since! Im terrified to tell this girl that I have herpes as I think it will be another reason to not get involved with me – but im also scared that i may have already infected her. She is going to think that i lied to her.

I have never hated this infection until this week – i feel ashamed and damaged and in my weakest moments I have been thinking about not telling her at all and hoping for the best – or pleading ignorance if she does get it.

I know exactly what you are going to say to me but the truth is I just needed to confide in someone as this is all making me very depressed.

What I do need to know is: does everyone who gets herpes type 2 go through the horrible first infection illness?

Thanks for your time – im sorry this was so long.

Here’s what I think about the situation:

It’s important that you are open and honest with all of your sex partners about your herpes status. They have a right to decide if they think you are worth the risk.

How on earth do you forget to tell somebody that you have herpes?

No, not everybody that contracts herpes will get a  horrible first outbreak. In fact, there are many people that have herpes and don’t know that they have it because they don’t get any signs OR symptoms.

You need to be careful with your sex life. It’s not only about telling your partner’s that you have herpes. Don’t  you wonder if maybe they have something to share with you too?

Try and talk about these things before sex happens and make a date to go and get tested, ok?

You can have a fulfilling sex life even with herpes. You just have to be smart about it.

Good Luck!