Sexual Health Buzz

I really like your site. Thanks for taking the time and effort to share your story and support others who are going through similar things. ~ C

When people write into me with words of encouragement and praise it makes me believe even more that I did the right thing creating the site back in 2003.

My first and primary objective has always been to help people realize that these things do not have to define you. You do not have to limit yourself to dating only people that have the virus and you do not have to limit yourself to mixing it up with people who want to do nothing but hide behind the virus.

I’m not against herpes dating sites OR herpes social groups and/or events … BUT when those people want to encourage you to hide in shame instead of seizing the opportunity to discuss how this is such a small thing in life … then I have to question whether or not that site OR group is the right one for you.

You see … if you are using these “herpes” only situations as a crutch because you are afraid or you don’t know what to do with your diagnosis then that tells me even more that the last thing you want to do is to throw yourself into a herpes only situation. It’s just not going to be good for you … ya know?

Why do you think I list ALL types of dating web sites on my Herpes Dating page? It’s because I don’t want you to think that you have to limit yourself to dating only people that have herpes.

In the end you still have to have the talk. You still have to make a date to go and get tested. You still have to be willing to put those days of free love behind you. The fact of the matter is … it’s just not safe any more. It’s important to be responsible with your body and safe with your body.

I understand in the beginning of your diagnosis that you might be frightened and unsure of how to handle everything. That’s normal. But … if you have had this virus for years and you are still living and hiding in fear afraid of who is going to find out then I feel very sad for you. That is not how God intended your life to be. I refuse to believe that. You might think about getting some counseling OR asking yourself what it is that you are really afraid of because I don’t think it has anything to do with herpes.

Just a few thoughts I wanted to share with you. Something for you to think about and consider because I think it’s a sad day when you feel as if you have to limit your life. Life is too short for it to be limited … ya know?

Over on Life After Herpes

SeekingAsianMan wrote in with a subject line that stated the following:

Trying to find an Asian or Native American male with H is hard

SeekingAsianMan had this to say:

I’m single 23 mature and living in northern california.

I responded with this bit of advice:

You know this isn’t a dating site, right? Here’s a list of herpes dating sites as well as regular every day dating sites:

http://yoshi2me.com/herpes-dating.html

Some are free and others… not so much.

Good luck with your search.

Numb Nuts (SeekingAsianMan) had the nerve to write me back with the following:

Guess I’m done then. Those sites have hardly anyone on them. U have been on them all. Suicide is my best bet.

You know what SeekingAsianMan?

I feel sorry for you. You have resorted to scrounging around for a man on a yahoo group that was geared for support NOT online dating. Are you THAT desperate that you’ve created a screen name called “Seeking Asian Man” OR is that the best you can do?

Why don’t you stop begging to be in a relationship and concentrate on the parts of life that will get you out of your particular frame of mind? I am not on all the yahoo groups.

The only yahoo groups I am on are the following: Picking Up the Pieces, South Florida H Friends, Life After H, and Oklahoma H Club. None of which are online dating sites.

Perhaps if you got your head out of your ass and stopped being so rude you might find a date, or two, or three. And since you seem to have all the answers stop writing to people like me who don’t really have the time to spend on people like you.

These are the posts that you guys were most interested in last month.

Free Communication Weekend Starts Today – So what do you guys really think about eHarmony? Is it a dating site that you’ve tried? Did you have success with it OR not so much?

I was booted from MPWH – Were you booted from that dating site? If you were booted from that site… tell us why. I’d love to know. I get e-mails from people all the time complaining about the rigid rules of this particular online dating site. Let’s expose it for what it is. Good or Bad I would love to read your input.

MPWH the New Big Brother – If you are not happy with that dating site then why do you give them your money? Why not try some of the other dating sites out there? Remember, you don’t have to limit yourself to dating only those that have herpes.

Those are the posts that you guys were interested in the most in the month of July 2009.

There is only a couple of days I subscribed to match.com. I am really amazed. Match.com makes everything possible to help people to find the relationship they need.

After 3 days I could have a date. It didn’t work, but it was very interesting. The quality of service for the price is really worth it. Match.com is not responsible for your lack of success. You cannot mix their service and what happens when you date.

Match.com gives you all the tools and everything possible to help you. If you fail, you should question yourself. It’s not an easy task, but being awakened to consciousness can be painful. And nobody wants to suffer.

Anyway, all the people working at Match.com have my affection for their terrific job.

- JT

See what others had to say about Match.com

See what others had to say about other online dating sites

Check out our listing of niche dating as well as regular dating online

Have you heard of MPWH?

MPWH stands for Meet People With Herpes.

For some strange reason I have been getting TONS of feedback on them lately. I think it’s because I provide feedback pages for various sites and products on things. People send me their positive and negative experiences all the time. But lately it’s been A LOT about MPWH and how they run their online dating site.

Take for example the following:

Yeeeeah. I had a situation with them a few months back. I had sent someone a link to like my facebook profile or myspace something, and they blasted me saying no solicitation for other sites. So I argued with them. If I’m paying for a site, whoever I contact, and whatever contact info I decide to provide, is MY business. Pre-H days I was on a few like… ‘pay’ sites for dating. They at least wanted you to correspond with the person maybe a time or two, but hell if you were paying and sent someone a message with your contact info it wasnt like you were being ‘big brothered’ the whole time. So ultimately, I’m paying you to contact other members, and you’re telling me I can’t give them my profile information for like… a social networking site. Which mpwh is NOT. They put fu*%in limits on your socializing. The site is pretty wack actually. But they’re quick to cite how many members they have on their site as some type of testament to their supposed greatness.

So basically what seems to be happening over there is that you pay for the service and while you are trying to meet people with herpes…your private correspondence is monitored and if they do not like what you are saying in private with the people you are trying to meet…they slap your hand OR worse…remove you from the site.

WOW. Most online dating sites don’t do that and ESPECIALLY if you are paying for the service. MOST online dating sites take your payment and then you are on your own to meet, socialize, and correspond with whomever you so choose.

If it were me… I wouldn’t give such a site the time of day. I’ve actually heard through the grapevine that you can not correspond freely and if you mention other sites or social gatherings you get slapped on the hand or your membership removed. WOW.

It would be like Walmart turning me away for shopping at Target the previous day. OR Walmart refusing to check me out because I mentioned an item I had bought at Target OR vice versa.

I think if somebody is paying for something then they should get what they pay for instead of every piece of private correspondence monitored and as this individual said, “big brothered.”

I was booted from MPWH

My opinion, when I found out I had H in 2001, I continued to date men that did not have it. I did not pursue the “feeling them out” beforehand or to ask questions because I did not see the point. It really gets down to how someone feels about you, REALLY feels about you. I kept sex out of it for many months. When I felt that things were going to head in that direction then I sat them down. Now, it was only two guys that I had to tell and it was a non-issue. I told them that I had something to discuss with them. I also let them know during the conversation that I wasn’t given a choice and I was giving them one, that if I didn’t care about them and was a selfish person, I could have kept my mouth shut. We moved on from that and it was no big deal for either of them.

After those two relationships ended, I grew tired and stressed about having to have to tell someone, and there is always that fear of rejection. So I went to the dating sites of people that already have it and found it to be what was best for me. I continued to be on regular dating sites but met the man of my dreams on an H site and couldn’t be happier.

I would not consume myself with what to say, how to say it, posing questions, it could be overwhelming. I would focus on what type of person he/she truly is, may turn out that it’s someone that you don’t want to spend more time with. Are they thoughtful, kind, successful, open minded, easy-going, a good friend, brother, sister, father, whatever.

Mostly for now, just listen, really listen when they talk. You will learn so much by doing that and you will get the answers you need in many ways without having to pose scenarios and questions.

More Telling Stories
More Stories in General
Talk about How to Tell Your Partner

The right time to tell is anytime before you become intimate with them. Some believe that you should tell early so, if they do bolt, you haven’t invested very many emotions in them. Personally, I don’t think that sex should come up in the relationship until at least two months of dating so you can actually get to know each other. Sex really complicates things if you think about it. If it’s good, you overlook a lot of quirks that would normally be ‘deal breakers’ … if it’s ‘bad’, you’re not as likely to give a potentially great person a chance. Beyond all that, it is consistently awesome once there are real emotions involved.

There is a lot of information on Angela’s site about having The Talk and real experiences with it. Knowledge is power. Whatever you do, DO NOT attempt The Talk until you can answer ALL of their questions. The more calm (not crying, blaming, etc.) you are, the better received the information will be. As common as this is, you might be surprised to learn that they have it, too. Always insist on a blood test before becoming intimate because, as you may know already, up to 90% of those that have HSV2 don’t even know it and wouldn’t without a type-specific blood test. It’s NOT included in routine STD testing and, unfortunately, doctors don’t even tell you that they aren’t testing for it. It’s simply too common, too expensive and not life-threatening. You really don’t want to get into a situation where they actually have it but don’t have outbreaks then, once they experience their first, YOU are to blame even though you weren’t. Know what I mean?

Besides, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, AIDS and certain strains of HPV is clearly WORSE and you really don’t want it. What I did was limit my dating to people in the same club until I got my mojo back (lol) but I wouldn’t encourage anyone to stick to that type of thinking. YOU are worthy … just give yourself some time to realize that, okay?

I’ve been working on a couple of updates and wanted to share them with you. Usually what that requires is me getting caught up on all of my e-mails, adding new stuff to the site, and getting new projects implemented. So here is some fun stuff I hope y’all will enjoy!!!

1.) We have a Brand NEW H Pal. Her name is Dianne and she’s representing the great state of Louisiana.

2.) We also have a Brand NEW Story to share with you called, “My Fairytale Ending.” I think you will be inspired!!!

3.) Recently folks have written in and have some strong opinions about my site, dmso, and abreva. So I’ve taken the liberty to record those comments so you can see what others have to say about it. Feel free to chime in and I will be happy to post your thoughts on all of that too. I am proud to say that we have more positive feedback, than negative, when it comes to my site yoshi2me.com, and for that I am grateful.

4.) I saved the best for last. We now have a Photo V.I.P. Room | Show Us Your Happy Face forum over on the Shut Up N Post! STD Message board. What is that you ask? Well, that is a V.I.P. Member only forum where people can send me their photos to have posted in there. The only way you can gain access is to post your photo. Once you have me post your photo, you can get in. The pictures are private, the search engines will not index them, and nobody but the V.I.P.’s can see them. What a great way to get to know each other on a more personal level. All you singles out there not only have a place to post your personal add, but now you can be a V.I.P. and share your picture without having to worry about it getting out. You can also have your photos removed at any time. See the Message Board for additional details.

That’s all I have for now. I hope everybody is doing well. Feel free to share this note with those that you think may find it beneficial. Have a Great Weekend!! – Angela

To start from the beginning in August 2007 I moved away from home to go to college and live on my own. I was meeting lots of people making new friends and life was awesome.

I began dating a guy in September, I thought he was really great but by the end of the month I had decided to break it off. Three weeks later I noticed some sores and was in a ton of pain. I started doing some research online and came to the conclusion that it could possibly be herpes.

I went to my doctor and she told me I just had a couple of ingrown hairs. Well I had wanted it to not be herpes so bad I believed it. In January I had another ingrown hair episode, it was in the same spot and had the same symptoms as the last one. Well… at this point I knew it wasn’t ingrown hairs. I started doing research again and came to my own conclusion that it was herpes.

I made a doctors appointment with another doctor to have the HSV blood test done and two days later my world was turned upside down. I was HSV2 positive. I thought life as I knew it was over.

I found during my search for information and thru Yoshi2me… I also found Hmates. I was quite skeptical at first but I figured I had nothing else to lose, so why not.

After being a member for a couple of weeks I started emailing back and forth with a guy. He was really awesome, he helped me tell my parents and work through some issues I was having. He had been diagnosed a few months before I did with HSV2. We became our own little support system.

After a month of phone calls lasting into the wee hours of the morning and hundreds of emails I took fate into my own hands and flew to spend the weekend with him. We knew after that first weekend we wanted to be together forever and that what we had was the real thing.

My Fairytale came true when I married that man this past July. He is wonderful and loves me for who I am inside and out.

Why not share your courage with others?

I met my special someone through this website Positive Singles and I was just diagnosed in Jan 2007. I came home for a vacation last Dec 2006 from UK. I figured out that the guy who gave this to me was the guy I was dating in UK for 1 year and a half. He broke up with me when I told him about the Herpes. It is good as I have tested negative for HIV and other STDs including Herpes when I started going out with him. So I was sure that I got it from him though he denies it until now.

I finally decided to come back to Canada for good and with a thought that I will be happy to spend the rest of my life single if I will not meet someone who will accept me as I am. Sometime in October 2007 while searching for more information about Herpes, I came across Positive Singles, I tried it, saying to myself, nothing to lose. I was amazed how many responses I got, and as any other dating website, you have to screen the qualities of persons you want to meet. At least, you don’t have to discuss Herpes but it is also good to know what other stuff they have.

It also boils down to whether or not you have chemistry, the same qualities, same values, sexual compatibility, etc. I do agree that there are websites that cater to specific needs of people. Whether you have herpes or not, you still have to determine what you want. Having Herpes is just one issue that you at least don’t have to talk over. I do agree that you should not limit yourself to people with herpes only but you have to be strong and determine not to be hurt when you disclose your status and that you will be ready for all the rejection and all the stigma and ignorance from people about herpes.

I don’t think having herpes had been a problem with my partner, much to the point that we enjoy each other even if we have our breakouts. And definitely, the more you talk about herpes, the more people understand, stigma becomes lesser. If in any occasion that I need to disclose, I made this decision that whoever I disclose to are people that I know will accept me as I am and whatever their comments will not affect me.

Have you tried Positive Singles?

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