Talk About Telling
Posted on Monday, June 8th, 2009 at 10:33 PM
My opinion, when I found out I had H in 2001, I continued to date men that did not have it. I did not pursue the “feeling them out” beforehand or to ask questions because I did not see the point. It really gets down to how someone feels about you, REALLY feels about you. I kept sex out of it for many months. When I felt that things were going to head in that direction then I sat them down. Now, it was only two guys that I had to tell and it was a non-issue. I told them that I had something to discuss with them. I also let them know during the conversation that I wasn’t given a choice and I was giving them one, that if I didn’t care about them and was a selfish person, I could have kept my mouth shut. We moved on from that and it was no big deal for either of them.
After those two relationships ended, I grew tired and stressed about having to have to tell someone, and there is always that fear of rejection. So I went to the dating sites of people that already have it and found it to be what was best for me. I continued to be on regular dating sites but met the man of my dreams on an H site and couldn’t be happier.
I would not consume myself with what to say, how to say it, posing questions, it could be overwhelming. I would focus on what type of person he/she truly is, may turn out that it’s someone that you don’t want to spend more time with. Are they thoughtful, kind, successful, open minded, easy-going, a good friend, brother, sister, father, whatever.
Mostly for now, just listen, really listen when they talk. You will learn so much by doing that and you will get the answers you need in many ways without having to pose scenarios and questions.
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Talk about How to Tell Your Partner
I’ve tried an H-site.I found it to be easier also regarding not having the stress of having to have the “conversation”.I met a couple of decent people, but I found very few to choose from, unfortunately. So, I went back to a non-positive site where I just met a really wonderful man–we’ve been on about three dates; we’re attracted to each other so I know at some point soon it’s going to go to the next level. Your approach to the conversation seems sound. I fear this would have a major impact on the sexual part of the relationship.
Take your time getting to know this new person. It’s time to put sex on the back burner and just go slow. See if there is a connection and similar interests. GO SLOW. If and when you think things are progressing then you can sit down and talk about your status. But please don’t forget to talk about your partner’s status too. Just because you have herpes doesn’t mean your health is any less important.
Thanks Angela. I actually brought it up last night with him–he seemed ok with it…asked some questions, and yet asked if he was going to see me over the weekend, believe it or not. Thankfully he wasn’t freaked out! We did talk about his status–he hasn’t been tested in 5 years, but thinks he’s STD free.(no symptoms) Anyway, I thought he might need time and is probably checking out the facts online, so, who knows how he’ll feel about it after he gets the whole scoop…Keep your fingers crossed for me! Thanks and God belss…
Well, so much for that relationship! Mr. Wonderful thought about it–it only took a day for Mr. Hot-n-heavy to turn into Mr. Freeze. It was very discouraging, to say the least. So,it’s back to the H-sites…don’t think I can handle anymore of those “conversations” and rejections. Does anyone know if singlesdotnet is for positive singles? I saw it advertised on the H-site but it doesn’t require “disclosure”…
Positive Singles is a very good online herpes dating site. If you’d like to check out others you can always take a look at my Herpes Dating page too. BUT, I have to tell you… I list regular dating sites over there as well because I don’t believe that people have to limit themselves. Good luck with your search.