Sexual Health Buzz

Okay, let’s put this drama to rest. No, it’s not a rude way to ask such a personal question. There was no inflection of an attitude when I asked that question. How she answered it (yes or no) would determine how I would respond to her post. There is a member on this site that WAS raped and consequently received The Gift at a very young age so SHE clearly didn’t sign up to have herpes but I have a feeling that that isn’t the case with this particular member. Does it make me angry at the American way of blatantly NOT taking responsibility of their own actions? Yes! Am I firm believer that YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN FATE? Yes, and yes I was yelling. “Acceptance” is the first step in healing but most of what I hear is that people don’t even want to accept their own role in contracting this virus. As a moderator, I feel like I have to be touchy-feely all the time but sometimes (just like Angela) I get ANGRY listening to the whiners that have no intention of taking our advice because they are too busy feeling sorry for themselves. “My dating life is over” … pfffft! Is that all you are??? A walking piece of flesh that’s only good for sex??? Do you plan on jumping into bed with EVERY person you go on a date with??? C’mon, people … raise your standards!

Yanno, when I was diagnosed with this at the age of 20, I stayed with the man that I was with at the time that may or may not have given this to me (if he had it first, he was asymptomatic). I went through all of the stages of grief including (and especially) anger. Eventually, I married him then he died in 2002. It was like being diagnosed ALL OVER AGAIN. I thought NO ONE would want me and I thought that the worst thing about herpes was that it wasn’t AIDS and it wouldn’t kill me and I would have to live with this for the rest of my life. I looked at myself, in essence, as a leper. I felt everything that all of you are feeling now TWICE. Through an unrelated support network, I came to realize that that is “stinkin’ thinkin’”, it was stupid and it wasn’t benefiting me at all. I am STILL beautiful, intelligent, witty, loyal … ALL of the things that I was before and, if you ask me (and even most men), I’m still better than most of the competition out there because I took the necessary time to learn who I am without a significant other. I don’t NEED a man to define who I am and I look at most of them as not being worthy of The Talk.

The problem with this virus is that it seems to be drawn to people that had poor self-confidence before and this is enough to send them over the edge. If you didn’t love who you were before your diagnosis, then take the time to make it happen now. What exactly is so terrible about not being in a relationship or dating anyone? I don’t get that but, then again, I was a totally different person when I was in my 20s and I wouldn’t go back to that period for all the money in the world.

Yes, we refer to this as a ’skin condition’ or as ‘not a big deal’ and someday (if you try), you’ll get there, too. I’m sure that we are all sorry that this obviously offends some of you but I’m not trading my attitude for the one you have. And you will NEVER find me doing something so irresponsible as having sex even once (for some of you, MORE than once) without disclosing my status. If you can’t hold your liquor, you may want to give it up because what you’re doing is not fair and it’s not moral.

Just my two cents worth,
Jennifer