What do I do to get through this?
Posted on Tuesday, August 26th, 2008 at 9:34 AMFrom the Feedback Form
Hi my name is C* I am 37 years old and I’m really having a hard time emotionally dealing with this right now. I was diagnosed with genital herpes about 6 months ago and aside from being really good about taking Valtrex when I have an outbreak I have tried to just pretend its not real.
I recently met a man who I have become very fond of and he with me. We were really falling for each other. It has not been a sexual relationship yet but was heading there. The other night when he told me he adored me (I have waited a long time to hear that from a fabulous guy) and thought I was perfect for him. I knew I could not keep it from him any longer. In all fairness he had to know what he was dealing with.
When I told him he was super about it. Amazing really. He told me it was just an obstacle we would have to work around. I couldn’t believe my luck I really want to make something work with him and he was so understanding. I guess I shouldn’t have felt so lucky because since then (2 days) I haven’t talked to him. He has put off returning my calls by sending me vague sounding text messages. I don’t know what to do.
Is this going to be the story of my life from now on because I have herpes? I’m scared and lonely and don’t know if the one person I want to be with in whole world is now trying to figure out a way to just get me out of their life because of the herpes. I don’t blame him really, its a lot to absorb and take on.
This is the first time I have had to tell a potential lover about it and it took everything in me just to say the words. I know if it weren’t for the herpes he would want to be with me. What do I do to get through this? I’m really messed up about it. I just really need some advice please.
From Angela aka Yoshi2me
I think you should take it one day at a time. Maybe he just needs time to think about and let everything you told him sink in. He might be taking some time to do some research and to find out what it’s going to mean for him, for you, and the two of you.
Have you heard from him since then? If he doesn’t give you a call soon, pick up the phone and call him to see how he’s doing. Keep it light and airy. I know this is hard but try and keep yourself preoccupied with other stuff. Stay busy so that you can try and take your mind off things.
He may OR may not be able to handle the news. Time will tell and this will definitely test his commitment to your relationship. You are actually about to find out just how much he really is into you – or Not!?
Try and remember that this isn’t only about your STD status. You have a right to know his STD status too. He may already have herpes and not even know it. What if he has something entirely different.?
I understand how you can fell lost and unhappy about it… I found out about 1 1/2 years ago that I had HPV and also genital herpes, at the time it was painful to talk about, I did not want anyone to know… If you ever need someone to talk to please let me know I would be happy to talk to you and try to help you get through this! For me it has gotten easier as time has gone on.
Thankyou so much for your feedback! It really helps knowing there are others out there going through the same thing I am. Since I wrote to you things have really picked up for me. The man I have been dating finally came around a few days later and explained that he had to take some time to absorb all that I had told him. He felt quite badly that he left me hanging and had alot of questions for me. He has since gone to get tested for himself and he assures me that he really wants to be with me no matter what. I cant believe at one time I had thought about walking away from him rather than having to tell him. Even though it was so hard to tell him I am glad that I did as it seems to have strengthed our relationship even more.
I’m so glad to find out that everything seems to be working out. It’s a good thing that he has made the effort to find out what his status is. Did he mention which STDS he was going to be tested for? It’s always a good idea to know what the both of you are dealing with before sex enters the picture. I’m so glad for you. :)
I am so glad that things are working out for you! I know that in time all things work out! If it comes back that he has some kinda STD then you will be able to see each others sides even better. I know that may not be the best way to look at it but it may help… I am still here for you if you need to chat.
Hi,My name is jay and I found out that I have orl herpes ,i had sore on the lower lip and it not painfull but big and yellow.My doctor gave me the cream and its worked well.I wondering and scared it will come back some other places?please give me some advise.
thank you
Jay
Hi Jay,
If you have oral herpes then the virus tends to stay in the oral facial area when it’s in it’s active phase.
It’s not going to travel to other parts of your body. That’s not how it works.
Did you have any more questions?
Hang in there,
- Angela