How do I overcome this fear?

love

Hi there…I was in touch with you many years ago and you really helped me. It was 2006 and I had found out that I had HSV2. I found out through a blood test, and have never had any symptoms. At the time I had been dating someone that I dearly loved and was afraid of what he would say. However, I knew I had to tell him. You gave me some great advice and were a voice of comfort. Anyway, he took the news fine, and we continued in our relationship for another two years. It didn’t work out, and since then I have had a few more relationships. None of these partners were disturbed by my diagnosis.

Anyway, flash forward to now. I have been single for a bit, and at the beginning of the year I decided to start dating again. I met someone and thought we were really hitting it off. When I told him, he rejected me. It really hurt and was very traumatic. This was the first time I had ever been rejected.

Now I am seeing someone new, and I REALLY like him. We have been on a number of dates and there seems to be a great connection. I can tell he feels the same way. The chemistry is really there, and I know that we are going to need to have this talk. However, I am so very scared now. I will be devastated if he rejects me.

How do I overcome this fear? I know I need to tell him, and I won’t sleep with him without telling him, but I am just deathly afraid now. Any advice?

Thank you so much for all you do!

—Anonymous

I’d rather have 100 babies

email

Obviously I’m not alone after seeing all of these forums and boards but I still feel that way. I don’t know where or when I got it but this seems to be my first outbreak and I can tell you that I’d rather have 100 babies then this. My former partner who I recently stopped seeing does get cold sores. Could I have contracted this from his cold sore and potentially passed it onto my new partner without knowing it? (He is getting tested as well, just waiting on final results). How do you get past the emotional feelings? I feel dirty, lied to, hurt, etc. And if or should I say when my tests come back positive, I’m afraid of what that means for my current partner.

—Feeling Alone

What can I do about this?

emailHey , your blogs have really helped me but i had one question i just found out i had HSV1 and i have two beautiful daughters and a baby on the way i wantes to know what i can do to prevent passing on the herpes to them . I shared out of cups and food with them but didnt have and outbreak and havent had an outbreak since ive found out . Now im very cautious and i dont share towels , cups, and i was my hands alot ? My brother has been with his gf for about 4yrs and didnt pass on the Herpes to her he jist said not to share anything or kiss my daughters when i have an outbreak ???? Im really curious and need someone to talk too its hard living with this if i can take back anything it’ll be the man who passed it to me :(

—Anonymous

What can you tell me about HPV?

Hello, so I have hpv (of the genital warts variety). I haven’t had sex since I was diagnosed and every girl I tell runs away screaming.. Not really but it is getting frustrating. I have heard of a CATCH study on cargeenan gel and is being used in divine 9 lubricant. What do you know of this subject? I can’t find any conclusive results. What are my options for preventing spreading? Rubber boxer condoms? I’ve heard of the vaccine but from what I understand it focuses on 4 strains that cause cervical cancer and other nasty stuff. Not genital warts. I’m lost and have no one to help me on this lame journey… What can you tell me?

—Anonymous

Feeling alone and overwhelmed with what to do next . . . ?

I was diagnosed with HSV 2 in July this year. That news brought, confusion, anger, shame and guilt and although the anger has subsided i am still trying to cope with the other emotions. I am feeling isolated with this infection, as i have not told any of my friends, only my sister and my Mother who do not live close to me, therefore feel i don’t have anyone to talk to.

At the time of diagnosis, i had been seeing a lovely guy for 2 months and he was diagnosed shortly after me. Although he was very understanding about the diagnosis, for different reasons our relationship didn’t work out. As he was so understanding because he contracted the infection we did not have to worry about passing it on
to each other and I could relax in the relationship and could in some way accept the diagnosis.

Since our relationship ended, i have been feeling confused and overwhelmed with how i can even contemplate telling a possible new partner. I mean.. How do i tell someone after some short time dating, that i have H and why would i even want to ?!! How can i ever trust someone enough after a short period of time to tell them such personal information risking it to get out further in the small town that i live in?!

I am just so overwhelmed about how i can date normally, and have a sexual relationship with someone, all the while being honest, as that’s the type of person i am, about this infection. I know it is only a skin infection, but it is the social shame and stigma that comes with this infection that frightens me.

I would appreciate any advice i can get, as feel completely alone and overwhelmed with what to do next.

—Anonymous

How am I able to ever have peace and acceptance?

I am writing to you because I have no where else to turn to try to accept the fact that I am diagnosed with herpes 2 since 2010. I was so ignorant to the fact that this is a virus that is so easily transmitted. An ex boyfriend passed it onto me and I was too trusting to actually believe people would be honest if they had a disease such as this.

In the last year I have had outbreaks every 2 weeks so it is a constant reminder and it really gets me down. I am an active outgoing individual but having the sores subjects me to a lot of bed rest. I am only 48 years old. I want to start life all over again but can’t. I am a very healthy eater primarily organic food. I have read over time at some point there are fewer and fewer outbreaks.

I did go on valtrex in the beginning for about 6 months and it helped but I just hate the fact of being on medication as I read it is hard on the body. I take lysine everyday as it is suppose to help but not for me. I do my best to avoid the trigger foods that can bring on the herpes blisters. Stress is a big one for me because I keep blaming myself and can not stop feeling so shameful for what I have.

I know I am not the only one diagnosed with this but look around and feel like I am. How I wish this was on my mouth somehow I could accept it. I always get a blister just to the right side of my vulva and it obviously is quite tender for a week or so. Sometimes I get a spot higher up around the anus which is much more mild.

So my question to you is how am I able to ever have peace and acceptance?? It depresses me so much.

—Anonymous

How to Stop Regular Outbreaks

I need to know more about this subject and how to stop my seemingly regular outbreaks. Your subject matter was in-depth and informative but if YOU capitalise a word YOU should probably double check YOUR usage. OCD man over and out —N

For me, stopping regular outbreaks in the beginning was easy. Whenever I had an outbreak or felt one coming on I would take Valtrex. As the years have gone by I haven’t really had to worry about regular outbreaks. Talk to your doctor about what’s going on and see what their recommendations are. A good clinically-proven herpes antiviral usually gets the job done. Have you given some thought to suppressive therapy? That usually does the trick, too.