Well, I am a 28 year old woman living with Herpes. I have been for about a year and a half now. I was married for 4 years, together for 5 with my ex-husband. When we separated, I thought it was going to be the start of a brand new life. I will find myself and find true love finally.
I started a new job and met this wonderful, sexy, confident, smart, guy that I fell in love with instantly. He was a real charmer. He knew the secrets to what a woman needs. I thought I had found what I had been looking for. We spent more and more time together, and I fell more and more in love. A love that was unconditional and pure.
Four days after we had slept together I noticed a cold sore in my mouth. We had some wild sex so the pain between my legs, I thought, was just the after effects of wild mad sex that I’ve never experienced in my life. Well, when the sore became worse and more painful I started to panic.
I got a mirror out to see what was going on and I saw what looked like the sore in my mouth only 10 times bigger. Denial set in and I just hoped it was just a friction burn. Well, one sore became two, two became three, and so on. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced in my life.
After searching the internet and doing much research, I called my co worker and explained that I have symptoms and I’ve not been with anyone else, so I know It was more than likely him. He proceeds to tell me he’s never had any of the symptoms described and he will soon get tested. I then called my ex-husband just to cover all of my bases. He immediately got tested and came back okay.
My ex was very supportive and understanding and was the best friend he had always been. As days turned to a week I went to the doctor and laid on the table bawling my eyes out while the Dr. swabbed my sores. As many of you know, it was humiliating and I felt so dirty that all I could do was cry. I saw the pity in the nurses eyes and heard it in the Dr.’s voice, I just cried harder.
I felt that I had to justify that I’ve only been with two people in the past 5 years and I was married to one. I cried and cried for myself. All that could come out of my mouth was, “the one person I choose to sleep with after my divorce, ” I leave the office with a red nose and puffy eyes and a sense of acceptance. I was ready to face it on full force.
My co worker and I started seeing each other as “friends” I thought he has it and I love sex, so what the hell. He, by the way, was also sleeping with two other people at the time. A month passed and he decided he wanted to be with just me, so our relationship began. He was in real denial about our illness. I tried to use condoms when I had an outbreak, but he denied.
I then realized that maybe he had known all along. It took a year to finally discuss what we both had, and I got an apology. I never really blamed him, I just loved him. I mostly felt sorry for him that he couldn’t accept what he had. I fell for this man, and loved and supported him for one and a half years.
Today we are not together and the wounds of a love lost are still fresh. I’ve had a wonderful support system with my friends and my parents, but I feel like the intimate part of my life is now over. I have two wonderful boys, and shortly after I found out about my virus I had my tubes tied because I didn’t want to take any risks in the future, and my shame was too much to bear.
So, I go on with this illness and wonder how to take each step forward. I am scared and I feel alone. I don’t ever want to have the “I have herpes” conversation with any new prospects, so I feel like I have to close the book of love. The fairy tale book I have always wanted to live in.
I just wanted to share my story. I don’t talk about herpes much, and it seemed like a great opportunity to. I work in the medical field so it’s not something I share openly. I am glad I’ve found this site and commend you for letting people share their lives. It is really helpful and gives me hope for a life with herpes. Thank you.
If you would like to vent and share your story I would love to hear more from you! You can read more stories like this one over on my True Stories pages…