I had been abstinent for over 2 years and tested for everything in that time. I started dating an older, mature, really organized guy. I used to jokingly call us Turner and Hootch because he was so with it and I was so not. His pants were ironed, he always had change for the tolls, knew where his keys were, was never late etc. He led me to believe that he had been abstinent for a long time also, bad break up, etc. and that he was sterile due to prostate cancer treatments.
We never actually had The Talk about testing. The first time we had sex we never used condoms. It never came up. I thought about it a few times, but did not want to hurt his feelings, esp since it would be him that would be the one that was the risk because I had been abstinent for so long.
One day he in a matter of fact way says to me that he is having a herpes outbreak, he had not had one in 8 years, by the way had I ever had herpes. Almost 1in4 people have herpes so I must. What??? Well, about 10 days later I developed herpes. He said he was sorry, but he is just not sorry enough. He acts like it is no big deal, like he gave me a cold or the flu or something, and I should just get over it. Meanwhile, I can barely sit down I am so uncomfortable and I cant stop crying I feel so ugly and ashamed. I have read that these feelings will pass, I know that I need to own my part of what happened but no matter how With It the guy seems, get tested, get tested for everything, use condoms and be firm about it or walk away. – Anon