Suffering And Staying Positive

Seeing many people out there suffering & staying positive, it inspired me to write my tragic story so that others who are the victim may get inspired too. I say tragic because the emotional pain I went through is much more painful than the virus.

I got married 6 yrs ago. I noticed blisters type in the private part during my pregnancy. Doc said it is herpes without any testing. I refused to believe and lived in denial for a year.

It got worse and at the same time my marriage breaking up due to so many silly reasons. Naive as I am, I initially thought that it was just a kind of irritation that women get especially during period. But when my loving hubby who promised me moon before the marriage stopped sleeping with me, I realized it is something serious and I got it tested but from wrong doctors again (gyn).

After several visits to doctors & testings, I could got it right. Like any other infected person, I got shocked, ashamed and even angry at myself. The worse part is that I dont know how I got it & when exactly. I started my medication & by taking care of myself, the outbreaks became lessor except for small irritation once in a while which do not worry me much. I’m basically a woman who dont get frighten easily by anything.

What I want to point out here is that my hubby started fighting with me for all wrong reasons and even stopped sleeping with me. To make it worse he throw accusation on my face every time we argue that he got it from me. But what I dont understand is that he is the first one who showed me the red spot on his penis.

I honestly dont know who contracted whom but I dont care even if I got it from him. I only want a cure if there is any and if there is no cure than remedies.

I would still love him even if I got from him but unfortunately he seems to stopped loving me. He has even started cheating on me. We have not sleep together for the past five years and he even refuse to talk to me. Now we are like a total strangers even at home. No one can imagine the emotional turmoil and mental harassment I gone through, in these past five years. The only beautiful thing that happened to me in these hard period of my life is my beautiful son. He brightens my life and keep me going. I feel suicidal at times not because of herpes virus because my hubby refuse to even touch me because of the disease (as though he is not having).

I am a christian and as a strong believer I ask God to make me strong and give me energy & also tolerance to bear it all.

His rudeness, his accusations, his unfaithfulness & my mental tension due to the virus is driving me crazy. But God is great! He gives me strength to bear and motivates me too.

Today my marriage on the verge of break up & I have even told my husband to leave me if he so scared of the disease because I know without making love, there will be hardly any compassion or care for each other. I also know he will cheat me again if we keep going like this which I cannot tolerate any more.

As for me, I want to live life as any normal person and not bogged down by getting guilty because of disease nor do I like any one reminding me. yeah! He let me feel guilty by not sleeping with me and making me feel dirty at my self. But in reality I feel it is not something you have to worry so much about.

I would rather say am happy because it is not AIDS/HIV or cancer. I am also happy because through this emotional & physical pain I have become closer to God and today I can proudly say that God is with me and he inspires me in everything I do. If its God’s will he will even heal me one day for good.

Lastly I would like to thank all of you out there for inspiring me with your stories.

God bless.

Love rose

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3 thoughts on “Suffering And Staying Positive

  1. I can figure out how do you feel, but I think your real problem is your partner, no the virus.

    I had a similar problem, my husband was scare because I discover he was dating somebody else just that day and he got angry with me because I meet him by suprice and yelow me in from of many people that Ive got herpes, that day I cry as never before. I think those kind of people have more problems that we have. Is a matter of maturity. I got herpes 5 month ago or it was my first out break, since that I feel really down, but I realize that my husband is the reason why I got depress, Is the tension that I feel because of him, I feel treaten for him, because I think he is going to cheating me again.
    But when I read this blog, I understook that this is no real love, because when you love someone, you will take care of the person you love, and you will not be rude. I have a son too, he is my inspiration, In the begining I felt I want to die, but now I want just to se my boy happy, and thats the reason why i take care of myself.

    I hope you can be happy, I would try to touch the stars….

    kind regards

  2. your story has made me feel less alone . I love my boyfriend I love him to death . I pray each night that god take me in my sleep and i wouldnt have to be a mother to a beautiful son . I pray to go every night that by mistake i wake up and im in his palace. I hate people that tell me hey its not a big deal just live how can you when in theyes of the world you are useless. I have to tell my boyfriend of my condition tonight im terrified of what might happen would he think i was cheating or maybe he will kill me . who knows i look at my sonand feel ashame ashamed . i belive in courage but i seem to have lost all of thatd i

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