Tales From Down Under

My name is Bek, I’m 16 and I have Genital Herpes. I lost my virginity at the age of 15, becoming sexually active is meant to a big journey in one’s life, some girls don’t become sexual active until after marriage, which I reckon is pretty awesome. I always wanted to wait until I was either married or in a serious relationship except I was unsure because I had never had a boyfriend before. I was ugly as a young girl; I was always the girl that the boys made fun of. Well because of that from year seven onwards I became aware of the appearance, I started to dye my hair, wearing tons of make up, eating healthy and exercising.

I’m currently in year ten; I have heaps of lovely and caring friends but only my closest friends are aware of that I have genital herpes. Losing my virginity was a life changing experience and a half. To fully understand the importance of the love that your friends have for you, you need to experience something that is unexpected and unwanted.

I was raised in a single mum household, my mum is tight when it comes to guys, and she has never said that I can not have a boyfriend but she gets weird when I mention anything about my friends that are guys. So guys and sex talk in my household does not happen. His name was Brad; his family’s holiday place is next to my family’s holiday place. It was the Christmas holidays 2008-2009, Brad was 20 and ok I recognize he was not the best looking guy in the world, but he was the first guy to look at me as a girl and not one of the boys. We became friends with benefits, then a few days after he asked me out. Brad was the first guy to ever say those words “will you go out with me”; he made me feel special and a guy who actually liked me.

Before Brad’s and my relationship became sexual, I was a virgin, never been fingered, given or received oral sex actually never had seen a real penis. It was a learning experience. I’m one of them exercise freaks, I wont have a good day unless I get at less one hour worth of exercise a day. Well ten months ago this was still the case; I would get up at 5 am and go for a jog along the beach which I have done for years, while me and Brad were together he would come with me. My jogs are the only times that I am alone from my sisters and mum. We would jog to make out couch which was an old couch which was dumped on a headland; it was so beautiful the outlook over the ocean.

Being a virgin meant new experience, the first time I performed oral sex on brad I throw up all over him, he told me it was normal not to enjoy performing oral sex for the first time. It is just it tasted and smelt so terrible. Brad was a lot older than me (five years) and he had been sexually active for years before me.

On the 26th January 2009 (Australian Day) at 5.30am Brad and I had sex after 5 days of going out with him. I didn’t really enjoy it, it kind of hurt, and it was not what I expected, and I thought it would be like what it is like on TV like screaming orgasms. While we were having sex he kept asking me “Bek are you sure you wanna do this?” “Do you want me to stop?” I thought he was being caring and loving but the reality was he was just trying to make sure that I was conceding to having sex with him. A few days previous he had told me about his last girlfriend she was the same age as me, the reason for them breaking up was because she got pregnant and her parents found out she was sleeping with a 20 year old, she was scared to face up to what she had done so she cried rape.

It was understandable why brad made me say any times had with him I was conceding to the sexual activities. But I wonder did he rape, this guy I barely know, and what I did know he displayed this kind of faulty play dishonest nature and a pushy feeling, looking back on this event I believe brad has it in him to forces a girl to perform sexual activities, well he did pressured and pressured into the sexual activities until I had gave in.

Anyways after we had sex, we got dressed, and as he pulled out his little note book as he said “thanks for the root”, I gave him a funny look along with a fake smile and said “what you doing”, as he reply my gut felt to ground as he said “just marking off another tally” that little note book was his tallies of how many girls he had rooted, he gives a rating out of 10 and a smiley face if he would re-root them or a sad face if he would not. I ask him if all I was another mark on his tally, he said “of course not I love you Bek”. Yeah for same reason I didn’t believe him.

Two weeks later I realize that something was wrong, my vagina was really itchy, and then the painful blisters came. I could not do any thing I was in so much pain. I had heard that some girls have an allergic reaction from the natural rubber latex and at first I thought that was what was wrong, I told me best friend that something was wrong, we started to look through a book called “Girl stuff – your full on guide to the teen years” by Kaz Cooke. In the STIs section as we read over every single type of sexually transmitted infections as soon as I started to read the info about Genital Herpes I knew it had it.

The day after I rang Brad, he claimed that I already had the virus and that I have passed it on to him. I know for a fact I didn’t have it before because I had never been sexually active before him. Then he did admit that yes he DID have herpes umm shows his inelegance level because herpes can not be cure nor is there a vaccine to prevent the virus. I went to the doctors and he conform that brad had infected me with herpes.

It has been ten months since I had caught the virus. I still have not have had another boyfriend but that is by choice I feel I have not found the right guy yet. But I have had sex with other guys but I always make sure it is safe and that they have been tested for any STIs. (see note below) The last ten months have been hell, the 26th of each month is torture I break down and seriously feel like I will be nothing but the girl with herpes. People have asked me if I could take it back would I? Truthfully I would not want to take back this big mistake that is because I have grown up so much; I believe that I will able to encourage other girls to love themselves and never do something that they do not want to do.

I use sex to make me feel better about myself, I still don’t enjoy sex, it feels good but I have not found that special guy who will make sex amazing. I believe sex is a personal choice; some girls may want to experience losing their virginity earlier than others. I have a low sense of self I use sex to make my self-esteem elevated. Every guy had I have had sex with I have regretted.

I do not tell people that I have the virus ‘Genital Herpes’. (see note below) At first when I first got infected with this STI, I thought it was no big deal I will go the doctors get the tablets and everything would be fixed. Well herpes is not easily fixed; herpes is a virus that if you catch you carry it with you for the rest of your life. I am one of those girls who can’t wait to be a mum. And having genital herpes I can not give birth naturally, so when I am older and i am pregnant I have to tell my doctor that I have herpes to avoid passing the virus on to my baby.

The mistakes that I have made I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life. I hope I will found that special guy who will love me even though I have a sexually transmitted virus. Herpes is very, very common, one in eight people have the virus and one in seven girls have it. So any body that does have any STIs should not be ashamed. I was ashamed, I thought because I have a STI I am a slut, but the truth is that anybody can catch a STI, I was unlucky and caught Herpes my first time. Do not make the same mistake, make sure you are safe and do not get pressured into having sex.

Hi. This story was sent in by a gal from Australia that wanted me to share her story with you. If you  have a story that you would like me to share you are welcome to contact me.

I just wanted to let those reading know that if you have genital herpes you can still have a healthy baby without having a C-section. Having herpes doesn’t automatically mean you will have to have a C-section. You can have a vaginal delivery and the baby can be safe. You just have to know your status and talk to your doctor about it by the time you find out that you are pregnant. Thanks!

I just wanted to add to this post that it is NOT ok to have sex w/somebody w/out telling them that you have the virus. You do have a moral obligation to sit down with them and have a talk about what it is that you have BEFORE you  have sex. Condoms are NOT 100% effective at preventing STDS. They have a right to listen to what you have to say. Be prepared to answer questions if they have any and remember it’s not just about YOUR situation. You should insist that they be tested too. In the end it’s either going to work itself out relationally or not. Remember, having herpes does not define who you are and it’s not the end of your sex life. Always be honest with your partners!

One thought on “Tales From Down Under

  1. I am so 100% behind Angela on this one. There is no excuse for not telling. And it’s not a punishment you need to endure for having herpes, it is part of being a responsible sexual adult. I have had to tell (ahem) well, let’s just say over 5 times in 20 years and while it never gets easier, I feel so much better after having the talk, because everybody is taking responsibility for their own actions. I will say that I have never been rejected for having herpes, and I have not passed the virus to a single partner. Really, you have to tell.

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