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It's not the end of the world
I’ve had genital
herpes type 2 for almost half my life now. Has it stopped me from
having the life I wanted? No way!!! It has affected my checkbook
balance because of the cost of antivirals over the years but that’s
about all. I’ve been married (and divorced but herpes had nothing to do
with that!) and I have 2 beautiful children. I’m currently involved with
a wonderful man who is hsv2- and we are very much in love. No wedding
bells yet but if that changes you’ll know! This is my story.
When I was 19
years old I was sowing a few oats as they say. I was finding myself as
an adult and out doing all the fun party things my friends were doing
while out of the house and away at college. At that time HIV was only
something gays and drug users got and I thought that by being on the
pill so I wouldn’t get pregnant I was safe. I thought it was a man’s
responsibility to carry condoms not a woman’s and I never insisted they
be used. After all only those “other” girls ever got any sexually
transmitted diseases not us nice gals right? One night I hooked up with
a medical student who was just as bored as I was. One thing led to
another. He seemed reluctant to want to have sex but when I said ok
well then I’ll be going his “little head” evidently did some thinking
and we had sex anyways. Several days later he tracked me down and told
me he thought he might’ve exposed me to something he has. He never did
say herpes and so I blew him off (after all at that age we are all
invincible right?). I never thought anything else about it. I
continued on as usual.
I noticed one day as I was going to shower that
I had a pimple in my pubic hair. I popped it and didn’t think anything
of it. After all a pimple is just a pimple or so I thought. I never had
any reason to think it was anything else at that point. I continued to
get a pimple in that same spot here and there but still never suspected
a thing. Several months later a friend/occasional sex partner of mine
came to me to tell me he was diagnosed with genital herpes and since I
was the only person he had been with in awhile he assumed it was from
me. Suddenly that pimple I had now and then down yonder and that med
student’s words came together. I felt horrible for infecting my friend
with genital herpes (Scott thank you for being able to come tell me - I
know that couldn’t have been remotely easy and thank you for giving me
the benefit of the doubt and knowing that I had no idea I had it and not
being angry or accusatory. I will NEVER forget that and it means more to
me than I could possibly ever put into words).
I couldn’t believe that
a “good” girl like me could possibly have contracted herpes! Yes I was
still in denial. I basically continued on in denial for several more
months until I had a rip roaring “classic” herpes ob. There was no
denying by that point that I indeed did have genital herpes. I went to
a clinic at the mall and they looked at me, cultured it, handed me some
prescriptions and sent me on my way. I don’t even think I was handed a
lousy brochure even ( but if I did I’m sure I threw it out because I
didn’t want my parents to find it ). By that point I was already
involved with someone for several months and couldn’t find the maturity
to tell him about my herpes. I avoided having sex whenever an ob
[outbreak] was
present and hoped for the best. Of course it wasn’t long before he told
me he was diagnosed with genital herpes. I told him that I knew he had
gotten it from me and the relationship soon ended. From that point
forward I made sure to tell a partner that I had genital herpes before
we had sex but I didn’t take any precautions and really didn’t know a
thing about it.
In 1987 I met my husband to be, got married and life
went on. By this point I was having frequent ob’s sometimes one right
after another. I WAS MISERABLE! Trying to get 200mg of acyclovir in 5
times a day each ob was almost impossible! I got a new doctor, talked
to him about it and he told me about this new thing he read about called
daily suppressive therapy so I started taking acyclovir every single
day. What a difference that made for me! My ob’s decreased considerably
J When I got pregnant with my son I had to go off
antivirals and I had went back to my pattern of very frequent ob’s. I
was scared to death to deliver him vaginally so I begged my doctor for a
c section and had one. Soon after I had him I went back on suppressive
therapy. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was on antivirals most
of my pregnancy due to mostly my own choice (I never told my doctor). I
tried to deliver her naturally but she had other plans and I had a
repeat c section eventually. Neither of my children had any
complications from my herpes.
I’ve stayed on
daily suppressive therapy for the last 9 years non-stop. I am a nurse
and work the night shift and don’t sleep near as much as I should and
the strain on my body seems to aggravate my herpes so I’ve just stayed
on them. I also have some other “technical difficulties” down yonder
that would be aggravated by having frequent herpes ob’s so I try to
decrease my chances of having ob’s. The new studies that show that
daily suppressive therapy helps to reduce the chance of my partner
acquiring the virus from me is just one more reason to stay on them.
They’ve definitely given me back my life as far as I’m concerned. I
still have about one ob a year but I can live with that and so can my
partner! He’s accepted that his risk is still there but that I take
steps to make sure it’s the lowest risk possible. He educated himself
some on the virus after I told him I had it and decided that I was worth
the small risk to him.
Being a nurse
you’d think I would’ve known more about my herpes than I did for many,
many years but I didn’t. The education you get on all std’s in nursing
school is very minimal. We spent more time learning how to properly make
a hospital bed than we did learning about herpes. When I was diagnosed
the internet was still a new thing and wasn’t like it is now and I
wasn’t motivated to go to the library and learn more.
A couple of years
ago I was in between boyfriends and was on the ‘net and saw an ad for an
online herpes dating service. It suddenly occurred to me that yes there
were others out there with genital herpes and wouldn’t life be so much
easier to date someone and not to have to have the “talk” with them. I
did a search for herpes support groups in my area but instead found a yahoo
support group called “picking up the pieces”. It seemed fairly active
so I joined. Well needless to say I quickly realized that I didn’t know
squat about genital herpes! I started to do reading and started my
“real” herpes education. Now several years later I am actually a group
moderator for a couple of herpes message boards and an active
participant on Picking Up the Pieces.
I have stacks of
herpes studies and info here around my
computer and I am able to help out others. I am pretty open about my
genital herpes to my friends and family too. I live in a fairly small
town where my doctor is my daughter’s soccer coach and my pharmacist
sits next to me on the bleachers. I run into the clinic nurses
everywhere! It just was easier for me years ago to be open about my
herpes instead of living in fear that someone would find out about my
“secret”. I’ve made an effort to educate others about it whenever the
opportunity arises. I’ve had several of my coworkers over the years
come to ask me questions about their own herpes. That makes it all
worth it to me and at this point in my life I don’t give a damn who knows about my herpes. It’s easier than walking around in fear that someone will find out.
If you get
nothing else out of reading this understand that herpes is not the end
of the world. Precautions do work to help reduce the chances that you’ll
transmit herpes to a partner. Do not limit yourself because you have
found out you have genital herpes. Read up on herpes so you can control it
instead of letting it control you. It only has as much power in your
life as you give it! You are the same person you were before you found
out you had this virus. For most people it is merely an inconvenience
and when they look back on their life they’ll see that genital herpes
was merely a footnote in their lives.
Find
Peace Within Yourself
Category Archives: Stories |
