My dating life has forever changed

In October, I found out my boyfriend of two years had cheated on me. I was devastated and after going through all of the emotions that I had to deal with, I decided I needed to move on with my life. I started going out again, and having fun. It was during this time that I ran into one of my ex-boyfriend's friends, who I was an acquaintance of mine. They were in a band together, and I had come to know the band very well. My ex's band members knew about him cheating on me and didn't agree with it, but no one said anything until I found out about it for myself.

In January, I was hit by a drunk driver. I was out of work for two weeks. During those two weeks, I started talking more with this friend, whose name due to confidential reasons...will be, Jeremy. . I considered us friends during the time we got to know each other. Jeremy was sweet. He understood how I was so down about the break up. He knew I had 3 kids, and didn't mind at all. I got to know him very well, spending hours on the phone together. About a week later, he finally asked me out on a date. At the time, I was still on narcotics due to my accident. We went out to dinner. Then back to his house for coffee. We talked and laughed. It was nice to talk to a man again. He smoked pot. So, I decided to smoke a little with him. Being on narcotics, drinking coffee, and smoking pot...didn't turn out so well. I went into the bathroom and got sick. When I finally regained myself, and washed my mouth out, I went into his bedroom to lie down. He laid next to me, and caressed my hair. He kissed me on my shoulder with such gentleness. When I would look into his eyes, my heart would melt. He knew I hadn't had sex for a while. And I always had a crush on him deep down inside, since I had first met him.

We started kissing. Kissing lead to touching. And we started getting naked. He stopped. He looked at me and said, "I need to tell you something." I could tell he was nervous, and scared. I asked him what was wrong, and what could possibly make him scared to tell me. He said, "I have an STD, and it's the one that never goes away." In my mind, I kind of freaked out. I asked him if it was AIDS or HIV. He said, "No, it's Herpes"...I felt a relief. I started worrying, and got a little scared. I asked him if I could get it, if we had sex. He told me "No, as long as I don't have a break out." We had sex that night. We continued to talk on the phone, and go out together and hangout. I never saw him as having Herpes. I didn't feel that having herpes defined what type of person he was.

We talked about having herpes and how he found out. He told me that he slept with two females before me, and never told them. I felt like I was special because I was the one he did tell. One night, we had unprotected sex. But it wasn't the first time. We had sex twice that night. The next morning, I was sitting at his kitchen table drinking coffee. He started making breakfast for us. He went to use the restroom, and came back into the kitchen and stared at me with a blank stare. His face was pale. His eyes were like a deer in headlights. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "I don't want you to freak out. But, you should see this. It has never happened in this area. I didn't even feel it coming on." I pulled out his penis. He had herpes on the tip of his penis. My heart dropped. I went and sat down in the chair and started shaking. I put my head in my lap, and started crying. He came over and held me. He told me everything was going to be ok. I asked him, if I found out I have it, while he was on tour, would he want me to tell him. He said he would of course want to know.

We talked a lot about our families, and just life. We got along very well. I cared very much for Jeremy, and over time felt very close to him. I found myself falling in love with him, but knew also there was a downside to the relationship with him. He was leaving to go on the road soon. He is a guitar tech, and got a job with a big band. I knew he was a "roadie" And, it was something I had to accept if I wanted to be with him. He was leaving for six weeks. I was unbelievably sad knowing that I wouldn't be seeing him for such a long time because not only did I love him, but also he had become one of my best friends, and I knew I would miss that. I had come to accept the fact that this was part of who he was, and I didn't want to stand in the way of that.

After he left to go on tour, we talked all the time. He called or text me everyday. I was falling in love with him...but wasn't for sure. I told all my family, and close friends that I might be falling in love with him, and they all told me, "I know"...so, it was true. I was falling in love with him. He would send me pictures from the road, and sometimes even vent about the road crew to me. We never talked about us "dating"...this was the period where we were getting to know each other. The time he was on tour was the time that we were supposed to get to know who each other were, and where life would bring us.

I was staying with my best friend, while I was waiting on my town home to become available. She knew Jeremy had herpes, but that never changed the way she thought about him. The first week in March, I got the painful itch. I ignored it for a few days. I was sitting outside one day, and told my friend, I might need to go to the doctor for a STD check up. She asked me if maybe I thought I might have Herpes. I told her I know I have it. But in the back of my mind, I knew there might be that slim chance I don't. That night we had a close friend of ours over for coffee. The itch started again. I asked my best friend to get me a mirror. I went into the bathroom, and saw a red bump on the inside of my labia. I dropped to the ground crying. Both my friends came into the bathroom. They held me. They both cried. The next day my best friend called her doctors office to get me an STD check. I was too embarrassed to go to my own doctor. They did the swap and the blood test because there were no defining indications, but the doctor said she would call me for sure with the results.

Three days later, on March 11th I was sitting in my bedroom crying. My best friend came in and held me. I told her I didn't want to answer the next phone call. About 10 minutes later I stopped crying. We walked out into the living room, and while I was walking, the phone rang. I stopped, and stood frozen. I answered it. They asked if I was in, and I told her it was me. The nurse told me the blood text came back, and I was positive for HSV-2. I hung up the phone, and started crying. I dropped to the ground, and it was as if the life I had come to know had instantly disintegrated before my eyes. My friend came over and picked me up. I called Jeremy right away. I was scared and freaking out. Not only did I have an accident, and was on a number of narcotics for chronic pain, the guy I was falling in love with left for 6 weeks, and now I just found out I had Herpes. I had to talk to Jeremy. He didn't answer, so I text him. He called me back, and I told him that I took test, and it came back positive. He told me, "I am so sorry. I never wanted this to happen." He said he was busy, and didn't have much time to talk to me, but would talk to me about it later. Through all of this time, all I could think of is how is this going to affect my children. Can they pick this up from me, and what about my friends and family? What is everyone going to think? How will they react to me, and how will they react to Jeremy. This was one of the most excruciating times of my life, and it was just beginning. Little did I know that after me telling him, he would stop texting me as much, and calling. He didn't understand the fact that I would be upset about having herpes, and he didn't like the emotions I was dealing with. After finding out, I was concerned about my children getting it, about the people I was close to getting it, and I was scared to be around people for the first time in my life. I didn't know all the facts about herpes, and as I was finding out, I just needed Jeremy's support, and understanding, but all he said is he had his career to think about, and wasn't going to talk about this stuff, and let this get in the way of his job. He said he had enough stress with touring, to not have to talk about this too. The last two weeks of his tour, he quit calling all together. The next time he called, he was home. I was at the hospital with my mom. She had had a heart attack. He came up to the hospital to be there for me. I was so happy to see him. He knew I was in love with him, because I told him while he was on tour. In the back of my mind, I didn't want to date someone that would be gone all the time with touring. My sister told me, "It's too late; you have to work it out. There is not going to be anyone that will want you with an STD." I thought especially one that doesn't go away, and since he told me he would be there for me, I thought he would be.

He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with him while we were saying goodbye to my mother. We went out to dinner with the guitar player he teched for on tour, his girlfriend, and another couple. We had a great time. We got back to his place, and had sex. It was like nothing had changed, and we resumed our same relationship that we had before he went on tour. I was so happy, and sure that the last few weeks of tour were just a small hurdle that we had overcome. The next day he took me back up to the hospital to see my mom. We spent all day with her. He took me home, and kissed me goodbye. He told me he would call me tomorrow. He never called. I tried to text him, after finding out my mother had another heart attack, but still didn't get an answer. I thought maybe he was just tired from tour, and needed some rest. When I did finally receive a text from him, I asked him if he was ok. He text me back and said, "Why do you think I have to spend every waking moment with you?" I was shocked. His thoughts must have changed within a few days. I tried to keep in contact with him, and he wanted nothing to do with me. He wouldn't call me or answer if I called him. He wouldn't text me back. Finally, after about a week, I realized it was done, but part of me still was trying to hold onto what we had. I went through a huge emotional change. I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused. I went through about every emotion I had in me to go through. With all the emotional stress, came my first breakout, and it was horrible. I tried to get a hold of Jeremy for some emotional support. He told me I was a Cunt, and to never call him again. My best friend, who is still friends with Jeremy, told me that his friend told him to break it off with me because I was crazy. Shortly after I found out I had herpes, I reached out to one of his friends that knew he had it. I didn't have any emotional support that understood what herpes was all about. So, for trying to reach out to someone, I am crazy. My best friend told me that he was embarrassed that I told my family and close friends I had it, and they all knew it was him I had gotten from. He felt like he couldn't go in public any more because it was as if everyone knew he had it. To this day, Jeremy and I do not speak. He refuses to have anything to do with me.

I have gone on with my life, once again. But, it has not been easy. Not only does it affect my daily life, and how I live, but has also put an immense amount of pressure on my dating life. I am an honest person, and anytime I start talking to a guy, and things are progressing, things seem great, until I tell them I have Herpes. They run. My dating life has forever changed. All my family and friends support me. But, it is still hard waking up every morning, knowing I have Herpes and it will never go away. Everyday I think of Jeremy. I wonder why he did what he did. I have never gotten any answers from him. I had to find out from others, his reasoning for walking away without a single word.

I have done so much research. I have read many stories. I always think that dating will get better. But, if guys don't run from the Herpes, they run because I have 3 children. Due to the response I have gotten from men, and how I feel about having herpes, I have lost all self-esteem. I always wonder what it would be like to get married. At this point, I doubt I ever will. - JD

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