My H Story

Well I have to say that this is a very eye opening experience for me as I was one of those women to think that it could never happen to me however it did.

I had just come out of a mentally and sometimes physically abusive relationship. I just wanted to be free for a while so I left it a year before I started dating anyone. However I met someone that I really like and we saw each other for a while. One thing lead to another and we made love.

The first time we used a condom and after that we didn't. We must have done it at least 5 times without using a condom so I thought I was ok since we were in a relationship. However I was totally wrong.

One day I had a burning sensation when I went for a wee, and because I'm very particular when it come to my privates I took a mirror and had a look down there and right on the perineum there were 2 blisters. I had no idea what it was because I had never had anything but a yeast infection. I though it would go away but it started to itch to the point where I would to have a bath in the middle of the night. So I decided to go to the hospital where they diagnosed it as too much acid in the discharged and it caused a burn, but I knew that was a load of rubbish so I went back that same day when the GUM clinic was open and it was there I was told the news. All I could do was cry because I could not  believe that after the trauma I had been through in the past 6 and a half years that the first person I would come in contact with would ruin my life.

The first thing I did was question God. He knew my pain and trials why would he let this happen to me, but after I realized I did this to myself by not protecting myself properly.

Its only been a month since I have this and I have not told him. I have a funny feeling he knows he has this, but I cant bring myself to tell him. We are still in a relationship. I guess the reason I cant tell him is because of fear and no one ever being able to except me again. I fear having to tell another man about this and to be honest I really do like this person.

I have met 2 people that I know that have H and they seem to be fine however they don't have as many outbreaks so they just get on with it. They have no problems finding relationships and are pretty confident. I can talk to them about it and they give me comfort. Like last night the itch was a bit bad and I called one of them crying but she understood me. I do hope I will be able to get to that point where I'm a lot more confident about it all.

My OB's are annoying to say the least. I have had 2 since I found out in October. I have had nightmares almost every night. I think about it all the time and now my self esteem is under my feet. I really don't know if this will get any better or any worse, we will have to see but I will try my best to find ways to deal with this and find peace within myself.

The website has been a big help to me and so have the stories and I thought I would share mine as a sister from London. - Kiki

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