A Story that begins at Sixteen

I gave up everything that summer I just knew I would never again find happiness. It was the summer before my junior year in high school and there I was sixteen years old and stuck in a horrible depression. A depression I’m still plagued with today. My boyfriend of three months had lied to me those entire months and infected me with a horrible STD that would soon ruin everything I had worked for and everything in my life.

Growing up in a middle class white area I wasn’t exposed to too much. My life consisted of the normal girl things hanging out with my friends and just trying to fit into the so called popular groups. I was an amazing student in elementary school. Even in middle school there wasn’t a time when I wasn’t on the principal’s list or at the very least honor roll. When freshman year rolled around I was stoked. I was finally in high school and my best friend was a senior which meant lunches at the same table as the seniors who I thought were the coolest around. I drank-ate- and breathed these years. It was all I thought it would be and more.

Sophomore year I was introduced to a girl named Ryanne. We clicked and soon after spent every day with each other. I slept over her house at least four times a week. In the past my parents were extremely overprotective of me and who I hung out with. I wasn’t allowed to sleep over anyone’s house on a school night but I found my leeway with her. She lived with her grandma who was an amazing individual. Someone I still look up to in every way. I guess who her family was or at least who her grandma was made life so much easier. We got into a lot of trouble that my parents are still unaware of. Most of this was due to the lovely invention of the internet.

Ryanne was addicted to this demon. She talked to so many different guys on this it was ridiculous. There was one who she spoke to named Mike. Well, this guy Mike seemed like a good guy, that was online at least. One day she got this bright idea to go visit him. Being a stellar best friend meant I was going with her. Mike, Ryanne, his roommate and I were soon smoking marijuana. But this weed was different then the other kinds I had tried in the past. When me and her started feeling really funny and they refused to take hits we noticed something was completely wrong. They had given us the date rape drug somehow either in the marijuana or the drinks we had been drinking. It took much of me encouraging her to leave for us to finally leave. By this time we were so messed up it was horrible.

In time we meet a lot of different people together. When May rolled around it was the beginning of prom season. I found out that Ryanne was taking a boy named Michael to this event. Since I was a sophomore I wouldn’t be attending. Ryanne and Michael were just friends she never did see anything past him. But I did. Right before Prom we started talking every day on the phone. I had never seen him or met him so I had no idea what he would be like. I met him on May 17th, 2002. When I first saw him I thought he was gorgeous. It was like a match made in heaven. On this night his best friend had gotten into a fight was severely hurt. I was his comfort on those days when he didn’t know what would happen to this friend. I was the support he lacked in the other realms of his life. I wasn’t just his girlfriend I thought I was becoming his best friend. Michael and I dated for a brief time. Three months to be exact but during those three months I thought of everything. I honestly thought we would be together forever. He didn’t only make me feel special he made me feel loved, something no other guy had ever made me feel before, which is probably why I thought he would be the perfect guy to take my virginity.

He wasn’t all I expected to be. I realized this when a fellow patient of the Children’s Hospital he had stayed at when he was younger due to his leukemia had been emailing me telling me they were sleeping together. Not only was I shocked I was hurt. I didn’t know what to feel through this experience. Soon after my parent’s found out I was sexually active so I went to a routine gynecology appointment. This is when I found out the horrifying news. My boyfriend, my best friend, whatever you want to call him had given me HSV II. The weeks that followed were quite bizarre. I went from a happy teenager to someone who was so stuck in a depression it was ridiculous. I was sent away by my parents to live in Pennsylvania with my uncle to start a ‘new life’. I guess this new life was something that was supposed to be amazing. I learned to cope with these problems though through this.

That’s probably when I turned to Mariah the most. She helped me learn to make it through the rain. Especially with these lyrics:

    “I can make it through the rain
     I can stand up once again
    On my own and I know
    That I’m strong enough to mend
    And every time I feel afraid
    I hold tighter to my faith
    And I live one more day
    And I make it through the rain”

After I moved to PA I became best friends with a girl named Maddie. My relationship with Maddie was pretty much just like Ryanne’s. We were inseparable. I don’t know why I had the urge to tell her. If I could take it all back I would. But one night we were discussing all of our ‘deep dark secrets’ and I informed her of my HSV. Our friendship lasted a while before my ‘secret’ became the topic of the whole school. I wasn’t welcomed at our class field trip (that I had planned by the way) because closed minded individuals decided you could ‘catch it’ from the toilet seat. I learned to get over it and move on. People like that you don’t need in your life.

I’ve changed a lot in the last 6 years. There’s a lot I wish I could take back. Plenty more that I wish I could of done better. But regardless of it all, it has made me who I am today. I’m no longer ashamed of having HSV. Alright, maybe I am a little. But in time that will go away. If someone asks me if I have it I will educate them properly on it and not deny it. I’ve become a better person. I’ve learned that life throws you curve balls. If you want my auto, autobiography, just ask me.

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