I am 35 and have been divorced
just over three years. I don't have any children (one of the
conflicts in my marriage) and have always wanted them. After
my divorce, I went out with a guy I had known for over 2
years. Turned out to be a liar and a cheat, and I knew that
(to an extent) and was stupid enough to go out with him
anyway. I chose the wrong person to trust.
We had "the
talk" about STDs prior to engaging in sex, so I
thought I was being smart. He was dishonest, and as a
result, I contracted HSV2 in March '05. He did not admit to
the herpes until 3 months later (when I finally broke it off
with him). It was the most hurtful thing I have ever been
through (and I thought divorce was rough!).
I started taking
Valtrex in August '05. I met someone new, but as
soon as I told him about the herpes, he completely freaked
out. It hurt so badly. I was beating myself up a lot....for
the choice I had made, upset at God for "punishing" me
beyond what I could handle, etc. I told a friend and cried
to her a lot. She encouraged me to find a
support group, and I looked, but there weren’t’ any
in my area. The closest is about 3 hours away.
I found
PUP
and joined. It was so helpful to find others experiencing
the same thing and normalizing my feelings, empowering me,
and educating me with their knowledge and leading me to
other helpful sites. On occasion, I
would try the dating scene again. I told two more guys who
did not handle the situation well AT ALL! It was so painful.
I got braver and told some more friends and they were all so
great and supportive! Even found out more people who had it
that I knew! Between them and PUP, I eventually figured out
that I am soooo very much more than herpes. I am still the
same person with the same heart (although a battered one!),
with the same desire to help others in rough situations,
with the same brain, same degrees, same positive attributes
I had always possessed. I had been letting herpes and
ignorant, blind men overpower those things. It was hard not
to!
I gathered my strength and put myself out there again.
Met a nice guy. Told him about the herpes and gave him the
Herpes Handbook. Told him he could read it or not. He was
very appreciative of me telling him and he did not
over-react. He took the handbook and I drove home. A couple
hours later, he called me and thanked me again for being
honest and had actually READ the entire handbook! We
continued to talk, and saw each other a couple more times. I
think that the herpes affected things a bit, but more so, I
think he had a lot of baggage (although still a nice guy).
That experience helped me so much!
The next guy was a
COMPLETE self-centered jerk. Still, I told him and cried (I
wanted to be so much stronger! Dang it!). I have to give him
a little credit, though. He did tell me that I have got to
stop devaluing myself because of the herpes. He had had MANY
more partners than me, and he went and had himself checked.
However, he was certainly lacking in many other areas and I
broke it off with him. I don't know what his results were. I
decided I deserved better than what he offered me.
AND,
meanwhile, I had been talking to a great guy “as friends”
(we'll call him Jay). It was January. I was finding myself
telling him more important things than I was telling the guy
I was seeing. But I thought he was way too good for me. He
had done some work for Habitat for Humanity, helped with the
AIDS crisis in Africa, spoke highly of his family, and just
had a great outlook on life in general. I found myself
wanting to talk to Jay more and more, but he knew I was
seeing the other guy.
In February I had an extremely
difficult day at work, and went home and e-mailed Jay. The
next day I had flowers at work, from Jay. The other guy just
dismissed it, and talked about himself. I broke it off with
the jerk, and I went out with Jay. He lives nearly 4 ours
away, so we met in the middle. He treated me so well. Very
sweet and very much a gentleman. We laughed and closed
places down talking all night. We kept talking and went out
a couple more times. I found myself falling for him. I did
not want to get too attached without telling him, because I
did not want to get hurt again.
At the end of March, he told
me he loves me. I told him that he doesn't know everything
about me and he may change his mind, and I would completely
understand. He assured me that he would not. I was doubtful
and scared. The next weekend, he came to see me. I told him
EVERYTHING. My stupid mistake with going out with the guy
who gave it to me, etc. His response? "Can you still have
kids?" We are both divorced, and neither one of us have
children, but would like them. I told him yes, and explained
the risks. Gave him a copy of the Herpes Handbook.
The next
morning he woke me up by telling me that he was still there
and not going anywhere. He has been true to his word...as
always. And yes, I told him that I love him, too. It is now
August, and we are still together and things are going
splendidly (knock wood). My family adores him (it's almost
nauseating!) and his family is so wonderful to me. After all
I have been through, I can't believe that I have been so
blessed! I am so grateful to have him. The herpes does not
even come up.
I continue to take Valtrex daily. Yes, we use
condoms (most of the time). I think that for him it has
become more a matter of birth control than anything else. I
believe that I am more conscience about it than he is on the
occasion that we don't use protection. Otherwise, the only
time it has come up was a weekend I went to see him and
forgot my Valtrex We had to pay a pretty penny for the extra
pills to get me through the weekend. He makes me feel like a
"normal" person again…the person I really am. Taking the
Valtrex now is not so much a daily reminder. It's more like
when I was on the pill...a daily pill that offers protection
(from OBs for me [no known outbreaks for just over a year
now] and a bit more protection for him, too).
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