In June 2003 around my thirty fourth birthday I started feeling an
itch... in between my legs... I thought I was simply having a yeast
infection and called the Dr. to request some medicine... The itch
became stronger and I started developing pain and having difficulty
urinating... I became very concerned... The pain became so intolerable
that I could hardly walk and one day while my son was seeing the Dr.
for his school physical examination I asked to be seen... I told the
Dr. either he was going to look at me or I would be going to the
emergency room immediately... I have a high tolerance to pain... I
gave birth to an 11 pound child after fourteen hours of complicated
labor - no pain killer... But the pain in between my legs was
horrible... and nothing I did made a difference... nothing...
I told my sex partner at the time about my issues and he admitted at
this point he was having issues of his own... I asked why he hadn't
informed me... He didn't think it was anything significant... His
issues were far less than my own... Over the next several days my
condition worsened... The Dr. ran tests but didn't know what the
problem was...
My doctors office wasn't strongly familiar with
genital
herpes... He went ahead as a precautionary measure and gave me Cipro,
Valtrex and Darvocet... It became so painful and swollen that I
couldn't urinate... I had to sit over the side of the tub and pour
water between my legs to allow the urine to flow... I am a single
mother and being ashamed I didn't tell anyone... I sat alone with my
four year old son barely able to walk and snapped at him because of my
mood... I drove him to school on the Darvocet... And I was eating
it like candy... My partner wouldn't come and visit me... He was in
denial and didn't want to look at me... He had been having symptoms
for some time and didn't want to accept that he could potentially
have an STD but more importantly exposed others to it... I was
alone... Each night I placed ice packs in between my legs to
find some comfort to sleep... but very little I did helped... Finally
the Dr. said that if I didn't urinate soon without so much pain etc.
they would have to put a catheter in me... After several days... the
blisters finally broke open... the worst was over... The pain had been
excruciating... The test results came back positive... for genital
herpes... I began a journey on the Internet... a journey to understand
my condition because the Dr. wasn't very helpful... I tried to educate
my partner... I logged in to sites and talked to others... I heard
horror story after horror story and found many to be quite bitter and
disillusioned... I shut down... I was tired...
Depressed... I shut the
blinds... And I laid down literally... On top of losing my job and
many other personal issues this was the "icing on the cake" so to
speak... I had recently left my husband for infidelity and the first
man I had a serious relationship with after fourteen years of being
faithful in my marriage - I contract genital herpes... Life isn't
fair... I tried to talk about it with some of my friends but they
didn't get it... and responded badly... Some actually stopped talking
to me all together... Friends of mine who had children were afraid I
might expose their kids... No matter how much I tried to educate
them... inform them etc... They just wouldn't listen... As soon as I
said, "I have genital herpes"... they stopped listening to anything
else I had to say... I shut down and off from the world for eight
weeks... I had to take another round of Cipro, Valtrex and Darvocet...
My primary outbreak was a bad one...
One day I got up and it was
beautiful outside... the sun was shining... the birds singing... and I
asked myself what in the hell I was doing... I am not dead... I am not
dying... I have a child that needs me that loves life... Why am I
sitting in the dark? Why am I allowing the "ignorance" of other people
to make me feel badly? These people aren't even familiar with my
condition, haven't been tested and are living in denial passing
judgment on those around them too easily... And that is when I got
mad... I started talking to others again... I started asking more
questions... I learned that I had HSV-1 Oral that had manifested
itself genitally... A rarity... I laughed... A condom would not have
protected me... And it was odd that it was such a painful outbreak -
but it was... The doctors office didn't even know the differences... I
had to request to be tested to find out the type of HSV I had... And
explain it to them! Where am I today? I am Sonya and I
have herpes... I am the owner of the Hip Erie Herpsters in Erie, Pa... a new group that I am trying to grow... I
once told my group that I would rather tell someone I am Sonya and I
have herpes than have to say, "Hi... I am Sonya... I am child
molester... I am a drug addict... I am an axe murderer... I have
mental issues..." There are far worse things in life than having
genital herpes... It doesn't make you a bad person... Bad things
happen to good people regardless of the precautions they take or don't
take from time to time... I am Sonya and I have herpes and I don't
care if you know or not... actually I do care... because you might
have it... so let me explain it to you... and maybe save someone else
the pain of contracting it...
