I Thought He would Love Me Forever

Im a 16 year old female living with Hsv-2. I didn't even know what that was until yesterday. I mean I knew what herpes was but not that there was a type-1 and a type-2. I lost my virginity at the very young age of 14 due to peer pressure not only from my friends but also from the one boy I cared about like no other, well as what I thought.

It was a few months before my 15th birthday when it happened. Earlier that year I was at a new school my freshmen year I hated it and only made a few friends there and continued going to my old neighborhood every weekend and summer. I first liked this one boy my freshmen year, we'll call him Mike to keep it confidential, Mike was a junior but he wasn't into dating, he had a good head on his shoulders and was focused on only sports and school. I used to go to his locker every day and that's when i first saw him *Darnell* (we'll call him that also) I thought he was so cute! I began sitting at his lunch table everyday and I thought he was gorgeous, he was also a junior...supposed to be senior. He asked me if I liked him in October I said right away yes! Later I found out he was soon to have a daughter, I was naive and didn't care though.

He lived right down the street from me so I would go to his house whenever he asked. He was such a sweet talker, everything he told me I look back on and laugh because not one thing he told me then was true. He'd rub my head and play with my hair, and tell me how beautiful I was. He right away begged to have sex and I quickly told him I was still a virgin. Well this made him want me even more, he was determined to say and do whatever it took to take that from me. He would get mad at me and say im a little girl, and ignore me for a few days.

Finally 6 months later of talking to him I decided I'd do it. I remember shaking being so nervous getting ready in my room thinking this is it, tonight I'm going to do it and he'll want to go out with me then. Well he took it alright and didn't talk to me for weeks after. I was so hurt he took something I could never get back. I felt betrayed, lied to, dumb, used and just flat out hurt. I liked him so much and all the girls told me he was no good, Darnell had a lot of girls under his belt.

I began itching very badly a few days later after having sex with him, I figured it was just a yeast infection and took some medicine which burned very badly and went on. I still went after him for some reason and slept with him again like a fool. I was itchy again for some reason. Summer began and I found a new boyfriend. He was so sweet to me and cared about me a lot. A few weeks going into the relationship I had gotten a very painful bump on my inner labia. I couldn't even walk my mom said it was a pimple so I thought I was fine. Darnell all of a sudden wanted me back knowing I had a boyfriend and I of course ran to him. I was sleeping with him again and he was always cumming in me. I broke up with him a month later because he never came around.

Then I went to the other boy again which I slept with also. Me and Darnell got back together in December though and slept together frequently with no condoms which me and him never used. I once again had those painful bumps my mom took me to planned parenthood right away the doctor told me she didn't see anything I was fine I got checked for chlamydia and I didn't have it as Darnell was rumored to have and went on with my life.

I loved him I don't know why he just made me feel good and  he also caught feelings. I think he was just always scared because I made him want to change his ways. He loved sex so much, he loved woman with a passion. I would only hold him back our relationship was very love hate. It finally really ended a few months ago. I began sleeping with a few guys to feel better. I'd drink every night, get high and it would make me feel beautiful. I loved the attention from other guys.

Well on my 16th birthday there was that bump that I thought was gone because it hadn't come up in so long. I made a doctors appointment right away and the doctor told me its a deep pimple, but i still had my blood taken just in case. A week went by and I thought I was fine. Well yesterday I got the call, "You tested positive for HSV-2."  I couldn't believe this, right away I told Darnell but he said he was tested and was clean. He got very angry and said I was accusing him of something wrong. I tried to explain that I started getting these a year ago when it was just him I was sleeping with. He wasn't having it.

So here I am 16 years old with herpes for the rest of my life because I thought he would love me forever. The only thing I have forever is herpes. I don't know where my life is going to take me, and I've only known I have this since yesterday but I'm going to go on with my life. I'm not ashamed, scared but not ashamed. 1 out of 4 women have this disease. You want to hear the funniest part though..? Every time I've went into planned parenthood I couldn't find one guy in there. I'm not putting any men down I'm sure there's many responsible guys out there who get checked but lets be honest I'm sure many men only found out that they have an STD because a woman told them they have it.

Any man that really loves a girl will never pressure her about sex, and any real friends wouldn't either. You just have to take life day by day and smile when your happy and cry when your sad. Im going to keep my head up and I know this for sure.

- Anonymous Teenager

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