Having herpes is a minor inconvenience

Herpes is not the end of the world. You will still be loved and you deserve Love. You will have sex again, you will have many wonderful relationships in the future, you will get through this.

I have had HSV for 17 years and at first I thought it was the end of the world. My story is a positive one and how this was my warning to straighten up and live right. I got it from a girl who I was living with, I was 22 and not doing anything with my life other than work, partying, and getting laid. I was living life large LOL.

She knew she had Herpes and felt it was none of my business to know. When I got it I too was devastated. I asked myself "How could anyone do this to me?" then I answered my own question "Because I let them!" I re-evaluated my whole life and all of my friends.

I realized that I hated myself and the people around me only confirmed my self hatred. I trashed every one of my friendships and started life out new. It was hard at first but in the end it was well worth it. Today I love who I am and have a very high respect for myself and I set high expectations.

I have a lot to offer and I set my expectations high as to how I expect to treated in a relationship. So at 22 I set out to accomplish some goals: I finished my BA, I started a very successful career, and I am the father of the most wonderful little girl in the world!!

I was married for 10 years to a girl that was and still is Non-H! I told her about H and explained it to her, I was very matter of fact and explained that H is annoying but not life threatening. Our sex life was quite normal, we didn't have sex when I was having an outbreak. Other times if either of us wanted me to wear a condom then I did. That was only about 20% of the time. Otherwise we had a regular normal sex life.

Now I am single again, and here is how I look at it. I am an attractive, outgoing, fun, passionate, and caring man. I am a wonderful single father, I have a great career, a beautiful house, I travel all over, I am one hell of a good cook, and I have herpes. Any woman would be crazy to give all of that up over something that really is not that much of an issue in my life. I know how it is transmitted, I know when I am getting an outbreak, and I know how to prevent spreading it.

Having H does not put a scarlet letter on me or label me as a 'Bad' person. How does it make me a bad person, all I did was express my love for another person. Everyone in the world has sex, so how can having H make me a bad person? I am human, I love, and I express that love!

When I tell someone that I have it, I explain the positives that came out of it. Remember all those people who I got out of my life many years ago? Ok, here is where they are today: 4 are dead from AIDS, 1 was murdered in a drug deal, 1 OD'd, 2 are in prison, 1 is homeless and an alcoholic, 1 is now a hooker, the girl that gave it to me has 3 kids, no daddies, and living on welfare. Another lives with his parents at age 41 and can't keep a job at KFC!!! The rest are just letting life knock them around. So the question is: Who is better off? Me with H or the rest of them?

I am very particular as to whom I date, I set some very high standards for myself. In the 17 years I have had H only one person has ever rejected me and that was over 15 years ago. Since then everyone has been understanding and accepting. When I tell them I am calm confident and matter of fact about it. Yes it is hard. But believe this: If you freak out and act like it is the worst thing in the world, then it will be and you will scare them off! If you have your facts, and you talk about the whole relationship in a calm and positive way then you will get through this. Remember close to 1 in 4 people have H!

Ask them what they know about it, ask them if they have ever had a cold sore? (Same thing you know) Ask them about other STD's. This talk is not only about you. It is about both of you and both your past. Don't assume that you are the only one who has a sexual history. You need to protect yourself too!!!

Over the past 17 years I have found that having H is a minor inconvenience. I am so much more than H. All my friends and partners have been accepting and understanding. Please feel free to write and ask me any questions I am more than willing to provide some help, advice, or support.

Peace,

Tom

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