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I was Nineteen and a Virgin
My story begins spring semester of my freshman year
in college. I was nineteen and a virgin. I waited because I wanted the
experience and the guy to mean something. I met *James and thought this was the
guy, smart, incredibly hot, funny, quite a catch, and started dating.
Before we had sex we had the conversation what
would we do if I got pregnant, if we'd ever had an STD ect. After sleeping
together twice, I had a pap smear and every test done, the results came back
normal.
The next month was bittersweet, both of us were
transferring to different schools, and we made the most of the time we had left.
After a very difficult good bye, we went back to our hometowns, 1300 miles
apart. I knew I would never see this boy again, the one who I gave my virginity
to, the one who meant so much to me, the one I would always have a soft spot in
my heart for.
The first week home I was very depressed, I missed
my college friends, and I missed him. On the eighth day home, I woke up and
noticed there was a very minuscule itchy bump on my inner labia. I had slept
nude that night, and thought "Ewwwww! A bug bit me in my sleep!" The thought
freaked me out because I'm terrified of bugs, and the bump looked as though it
had fang marks, so I assumed it would go away. By the next night i was having
trouble getting to sleep, and my clitoral hood was very itchy too. The next day
I visited my gyno, she took one look and said "Darling that's herpes."
My face flushed, my whole body became so hot, I was
mortified, embarrassed, scared, and angry. I stammered "Are you sure? Maybe it's
a yeast infection, I'm almost positive it's a bug bite." She was 99% sure, then
left the room to get some information. Sitting on that table, naked, all alone I
was so scared, I knew my life was over, I knew my boyfriend had lied and cheated
(he said he was clean) and I thought "What now?" The gyno gave me "The
Updated Herpes Handbook" wrote me a prescription, and told me it's really
not a big deal, 1 in 3 people have an STD- as if that was supposed to comfort
me, my life was over.
The minute I was out of the office I called the ex
boyfriend and told him "You gave me herpes." He immediately denied ever having
it and I screamed at him "YOU TOLD ME YOU GET COLD SORES ON YOUR LIP ALL THE
TIME, YOU'RE THE ONLY GUY I'VE EVER BEEN WITH AND YOU WENT DOWN ON ME A WEEK
AGO...... YOU GAVE IT TO ME!!!!" Being uninformed he tried to tell me (ME, the
one who just got diagnosed!) that if he had a cold sore that didn't mean he
could give it to me down there, and I corrected him, yes it's possible. I told
him he needed to go get checked, then hung up. We talked again later, he tried
saying that I was the one who had it to begin with (I began to hate him more and
more by the minute) and I reminded him I had a full check up after we slept
together. I reminded him he told me he was clean and his response: "Well I've
never had an outbreak or anything, so I didn't think I was infected." If I could
I would have slapped him through the phone. The first guy I slept with gave me a
permanent STD. I can pinpoint the day it happened: he was manually stimulating
me, for a few seconds it was too hard and I asked him to back off. A few hours
later we're about to go at it again and he says "It looks like there's a cut on
your clitoris." We look, and discover that while stimulating me he had broken a
little bit of skin open. It didn't really hurt, just sensitive so the event was
minor. The next day he went down on me, I know that's when he gave me herpes.
So i didn't even get herpes from having vaginal sex, I got it from having oral
sex. I was so upset with him, he lied to me, he told me he was clean, he ruined
my life. I came home (I was diagnosed at 3:00pm and by 6:00 I was surfing the
web for information) read my
herpes handbook, and digested herpes information
until 10:00pm. By 10 I had a new outlook.
At worst, herpes is a minor inconvenience in my life. I am the same person I was
a week, a month, a year ago. I am not a slut, things like this happen to
everyone. The pictures you see on the web are not realistic, and IF I have an
outbreak (big deal, so i itch for a bit) I take the medicine and don't have sex.
** poof** Everything back to normal. Honestly, I can accept what's happened, and
like I've read on most blogs, it REALLY isn't a big deal. The only thing that
worries me is when I start dating a new person and have to tell them. But if I
can have such turnaround in my attitude towards herpes, so can everyone else.
The one thing that still upsets me (2 days after being diagnosed) is that my
boyfriend lied. He assumed he was healthy, therefore I got his disease. And it
bothers me that I waited until I was NINETEEN to have sex, and the first person
I am with unknowingly infected me. But you know what? I'm over it. After being
diagnosed I don't miss him anymore, and I can't wait to begin seeing someone
new. I've had herpes for two days, and it's never going to change my life of
define me.
Thanks for reading, please be informed and safe. Email me any comments, I'd love
to hear them.
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